Chapter 38

My Ge pressed down on me and kissed me forcefully. I desperately wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back, even winding my legs around his waist. The mess of bank cards and brand-new banknotes all fell off my body in succession.

The two sides of my neck were very sensitive, but my Ge still insisted on biting my Adam’s apple. It was extremely ticklish. He even put his hands on my stomach and touched me all over. It felt so ticklish that I almost looked like I was having a seizure.

"Don't act up anymore." He kissed my lips to comfort me. I liked this type of kiss too much, pouting my lips from time to time for one. Whenever I wanted one, he'd give it to me. After kissing me, he'd even smile at me.

Chen Xing Ge called at the last minute, saying he was coming over to give me a checkup and was already downstairs. I wrapped the blankets around my stark naked body and frantically shook my head. My Ge indulged me, asking the person on the phone if doing the checkup two days later would be alright. He was scolded by Chen Xing Ge.

I had no choice but to quickly find a pair of underwear to put on and take a random pyjama shirt from the closet. I couldn't find any pyjama pants no matter how hard I looked, but there wasn't much time left. I hurriedly shoved all the toys on the bed into the bedside cabinet, then gathered all the property ownership certificates, bank cards, and car keys together before tossing them all into the safe. My Ge didn't help at all; he stood at the doorway, leaning on his side as he amused himself watching me.

At this moment, Chen Xing Ge had already entered. As he walked up the stairs, he put on his doctor's coat and told me, "Take off your clothes."

I was being put in a bit of a difficult situation.

Chen Xing Ge saw me hesitating and thought that I was being shy, thus he walked up to me and opened up my pyjama shirt for me. With a sweep of his gaze, he understood what had happened. My neck, chest, and inner thighs were all covered in hickeys, my wrists had marks left on them from being tied up, and my ass cheeks were covered in distinct, light red welts. Fortunately, he didn't make me take off my underwear; my hole was swollen too.

"Aiya." Chen Xing Ge glared at my Ge, "Haven't you gone too far?"

Duan Rui lowered his eyes and lit up a cigarette, letting out a laugh, "He's fine."

Part of me felt so ashamed that I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide.

After Chen Xing Ge finished doing his checkup of me, he helped my Ge to reapply his medication as well. The two of them went to the living room to chat for a moment while I stood at the second floor, eavesdropping. I heard Chen Xing Ge ask my Ge what he planned to do after resigning.

My Ge said he would bring me to move to another city.

Moving to another city was good; we could be further away from the people we disliked. I didn't feel attached to anything here anyway. It would just be a bit regrettable that I wouldn't be able to see that group of brothers of mine anymore, as well as Jiang Xue.

Chen Xing Ge still had a patient to see afterwards. My Ge would send him there. He asked me to stay at home and wait for him to come back.

Not long after my Ge left, the doorbell rang. Through the peephole, I saw that it was a young Jiejie. She was quite pretty too. I was someone who readily trusted good-looking girls, so before she even opened her mouth to speak, I had already opened the door.

She was carrying a box of random things, her hair drenched with perspiration. She said this was what President Duan had left in the office and asked her to bring over last night over the phone.

I invited her in to have a cup of coffee and she didn't decline either, changing out of her high heels and sitting on the sofa, continuously thanking me. Who didn't like a pretty Jiejie? Just as I was grinding the coffee for her, she said she was President Duan's secretary.

Fuck. I poured away the half-ground coffee and took a packet of instant coffee instead, dissolving it in a bit of water and carelessly stirring it before passing it to her. My Ge was together with this kind of beauty in the prime of her youth from morning to night in the office; that was too fucking much.

The little secretary took the instant coffee and was still quite happy, asking me, "Are you President Duan's younger brother? You look so alike, even more handsome than our President Duan."

This secretary my Ge had found wasn't reliable; she was so young, yet her eyes were already going blind.

The little secretary held her cup in both hands and looked around, "Where's your sister-in-law?"

What sister-in-law. I shot a glance at her. I bet this fox spirit precisely wanted to become my sister-in-law. I didn't know if she had slept with my Ge before or not. I took the opportunity to ask her about how many lovers my Ge had had in the past.

The little secretary was stunned for half a day, "Lovers? Isn't President Duan married already? Didi[1], was it your sister-in-law who asked you to ask about this? Tell her to relax, our President Duan's usual reason for not attending alcohol-drinking gatherings and going home early is always his wife not letting him drink alcohol. Everyone knows this."

I propped my head up with my hand and sorted out my thoughts: If my Ge had secretly married someone behind my back, he couldn't possibly fetch me home and accompany me to sleep every night. Most of the time, he reached home quite early too. Moreover, because of his gastric illness, apart from some special cases, these couple of years he hadn't really been attending any dinners at night. Through this analysis, my preliminary assumption was that I was the wife that my Ge spoke of every day to avoid alcohol gatherings.

I took the mug in the secretary Jiejie's hand away and took out a precious Italian coffee from the cabinet to make another cup for her, passing it to her with both hands. The aroma immediately filled the living room.

The secretary Jiejie said that other than bringing the items over, her main reason for coming was to see my Ge. My Ge's subordinates in high positions were all planning to break away and start a new business with him. Intelligent people could see who knew how to do business. This group of old foxes of the workplace knew that going with my Ge meant that there would be money to get, so regardless of whether they were loyal or far-sighted, they would all reach out to support him when he was at his lowest point. I knew my Ge well; he had never treated his staff and friends unfairly, his resources and social connections countless.

However, no matter what, breaking away and starting a new business was not easy. The remaining work all depended on my Ge. Frankly speaking, I didn't want him to go through so much hardship. When I started working in a few years' time, I would let him retire. I would support him, feeding him until he was plump. Every day he could just feed the fish and work out, then accompany me. I wasn't afraid of hardship.

The little secretary said that she had been following my Ge since she was still a trainee. At the time, my Ge hadn't reached his current position. She had seen with her own eyes how my Ge had flown up all the way from being a little director to his current position now. She had seen all the hardship he had endured.

"I always thought that President Duan's family owed some high-interest loan. From the start, he already seized the most things to do. President Duan was extremely capable; he never made a single mistake when he spoke or dealt with matters. Clients looked down on our President Duan's young age, but they couldn't pick out any other flaws, so they purposely bullied him with alcohol during meals. With time, President Duan ended up hurting his stomach. I thought that in recent years, President Duan's family's financial situation would have stabilised already, but he still put himself through a lot of hardship, as though…as though…"

As though he had never seen money before. The little secretary didn't dare to say this, but I understood. I didn't know how my Ge's other colleagues viewed him; could it be that they looked down on him a little?

The little secretary waited for ten minutes but my Ge still hadn't returned so she left first, saying she'd come again next time.

I was seriously too bored, so I opened the box of items that the little secretary had brought over. The majority of items were things he used for work, but there were also quite a number of photo frames inside, all photos we had taken together in the past. There were also crafts I had made in my middle school handiwork class: a little drawer I had folded for him with newspaper, a small transformer model pieced together from a dollar pack of spare parts, and a plastic bottle cut up to form a flowerpot with Devil's Ivy planted inside, meant to be hung up as decoration. I thought these things had been thrown away when we moved houses, but unexpectedly, he had hidden them in his office like it was a rat's nest. If his colleagues had seen these crappy things on his desk, they must have thought that he had such old-fashioned tastes.

In the pile of items, there was an old silver ring. Its craftsmanship was poor, and it had long lost its lustre already. I still had an impression of this ring. It was the grand prize Old Lei and I had won in a dart throwing game at the park, after which I had kept the ring in my school uniform pocket and forgotten about it. When the housekeeper was washing the clothes, this ring got stuck in the washing machine and spoiled it. When my Ge was fixing the washing machine, he had found the ring and asked me where I had gotten it from. I had been gaming as I casually said, Since you've picked it up, I'll give it to you.

Now I could imagine how my Ge looked as he wore this cheap ring in the office and pretended he had a wife, boldly declining alcohol-drinking gatherings.

I waited at home for another half an hour, but my Ge still hadn't come home and I couldn't reach him through the phone either. I thought for a moment, then put on my school uniform and ran to the hospital we had been at the previous day. As expected, my Ge was in the orthopaedic ward. He simply couldn't bear to part with this so-called familial relationship.

I silently crept in. My Ge raised his head and saw me, not surprised at all. He lifted an arm and pulled me to his side.

Only then did I realise that my Ge's lawyer was also present. The situation today was a bit complicated. In the morning, the youngest son of the family from Unit 2 had beaten up Fang Yu's father and his external injuries were extremely serious. However, the eldest son was part of a bureau and their second daughter was a small celebrity. They easily settled it and even brought the matter to Fang Yu’s school, asking for him to be expelled. My mum and her husband now could only silently suffer this grievance.

Laid out on the table was an agreement. My Ge would bear the medical bills of Fang Yu’s father and Fang Yu, as well as help Fang Yu find a new school.

The cost was that my mum had to admit that she had formerly abandoned us.

Nine years ago, when my parents divorced, my Ge and I had been minors. No one had cared about me; only my Ge had wanted me. There was a criminal record of my dad abusing me too. This child abandonment had been proven since long ago.

My mum kept crying. She wasn’t willing to admit it, firstly because she was afraid my Ge would put her in jail, and secondly because this was equivalent to cutting off all ties. After today, she wouldn’t be able to get any allowance from him as his parent anymore.

My Ge usually did things very cleanly. His main principle when dealing with things was that on this Earth, offending just one less person was still a person fewer. Starting from last night, his actions had already gone beyond my expectations. I had really never thought that he could bring this matter all the way to this point.

I didn’t say a word, silently standing next to Duan Rui. This was the most that I could do at this point in time.

In the end, my mum cried as she signed her name and recorded a video. She covered her face in agony and ran to the washroom.

The room was extremely quiet. Fang Yu’s arm was wrapped in a plaster cast as he sat on the bed, curled up in the corner staring at us. I felt that I had the need to bid this little Didi one last farewell.

I moved closer to him and supported myself with two hands on the bed as I softly and gently said, “Your mother has already admitted that she abandoned us. Do you know what that means? It means that she has thrown us into the rubbish bin. We are her biological sons, and you are her biological son too. Sooner or later, you’ll be tossed into the rubbish bin too.”

“You’re talking nonsense! My mum loves me the most!”

“I’m not talking nonsense, she’s just pretending to love you. Think about it, doesn’t she force you to study every day? Doesn’t she lose her temper, and not give you any food to eat every time you score badly? She just wants you to earn money and support her in the future. You must never believe people like her, otherwise, you’ll be thrown away like us. It’s up to you to believe me or not.”

Fang Yu weakly tried to rebut me, but I cut him off, “People who aren’t good enough should talk less, that way, they’ll get beaten less, understand?”

The fat child finally started bawling.

My Ge’s lawyer was arranging the files and video recording, pretending not to see what I had done. My Ge stood at the side and let me bully the little kid as I pleased. Only after I had finished venting my anger did he then take me away. He was quite childish too.

After exiting the hospital, I automatically glued myself to my Ge’s body, draping an arm over his shoulders as I secretly pressed my cheek to his.

“Thanks, Ge,” I said.

Duan Rui laughed, “What are you going to thank me with?”

“Is this okay?” I took out that lousy ring and showed it to him. My Ge glanced at it and his smile vanished, “Xiao Qi came to our house?”

“Mn, she helped you bring all your things back already, and the people under you said that they’ll go wherever you go.”

“Alright, when we get back home I’ll call them back.”

“Don’t change the subject. Let me ask you, did you tell your colleagues that you’re married already and have a fussy wife who doesn’t let you drink alcohol at night?”

“...”

My Ge hesitated, licking his lips. He took out a pack of cigarettes, but I didn’t let him light one up. His gaze darted about a few times before he revealed his canine teeth in a sly smile and turned and ran.

I chased him for about ten steps before jumping up and swinging an arm over his shoulders. His ears were red and I couldn’t help but touch them for a moment with my lips. They were warm and soft.

My Ge’s brows furrowed, “You’re not jumping off the bridge today?”

“Not anymore. If I’m smashed into bits, I won’t be easy to collect.”

The two of us walked home with our arms around each other’s shoulders. My Ge asked me when I wanted to move houses. I thought about it and decided we should wait till the holiday after my end of semester exams. That way, I would have a chance to properly say goodbye to my classmates.

In this time that didn’t even amount to a month, I studied very seriously. I had never been so serious in my life. I worked from dawn to dusk, doing practice questions with Small Glasses and the others. After night self-study when I got home, I still had a darling Gege to explain mathematics and science to me. When I understood a big question, I’d kiss him. If I didn’t understand, he’d kiss me then continue explaining.

After seriously studying for a month, I had never had so much confidence in my life. An exam where I didn’t need to think about making a cheat sheet or finding a way to bring my phone in while avoiding the metal detector and invigilators felt too good. This honourable feeling was really gratifying.

The general science and mathematics papers for the examination this time had been extremely difficult. However, in any case, I had filled up everything and not left a single blank. English had always been one of my strongest subjects so I just finished the paper without much of a hitch. The Chinese paper this time was the biggest fucking killer; the essay topic had been to write a passage with a mother’s love as the main topic. Fuck your ‘mother’s love’.

But my Ge had painstakingly taught me so much over this one month. I couldn’t just get zero marks because of a crappy essay and disappoint my Ge.

I wrote about my Ge. The first line of my essay showed a lot of literary talent; I was seriously in awe of myself -- ‘I don’t have a mother.’

Some people are abandoned before they are even born -- my birth was merely to confirm their cruelty. To me, a mother’s love and a father’s love are faraway concepts, and I have no interest in them either.

In my memories, the fruit-flavoured sweet that was put in my mouth, the two strong arms that picked me up when I had fallen, and the blurry silhouette that stayed by my side when I was running a high fever did not belong to my mother; rather, they belonged to another child eight years older than I.

Perhaps I'm just that unlikeable. When I was younger, my mum lied to me and said that she had picked me up from a rubbish bin. I sincerely believed it. In the middle of a freezing cold day, I secretly buried myself in the rubbish bin at the entrance of our estate, yearning for my real parents to come and find me. In the end, it was my Ge who had just been dismissed from school who fished me out of the rubbish bin. As he mocked me sarcastically, he changed me into clean clothes and washed my face.

Not all mothers are definitely kind, but all love is definitely warm and fuzzy. I don't have a mother, but my Ge didn’t let me become an orphan either. Last week, I dug up the wild berries by the rubbish bin in the estate, washed them and planted them in our house. They're growing well now.

In the past, I often told my Ge that I wanted to kill myself and die. He really wasn’t fun to joke with; once I said that, he would get extremely anxious. When he got alarmingly angry from panic, he would even hit me a few times with a slipper. But now I'm sure that I won't do that anymore, because for love to exist, there must first be life.

---

The essay was titled ‘Can’t Be Left Behind’. Out of sixty, the marker gave me fifty-five marks and the essay was printed as a model essay, stapled together with the beautiful essays of a bunch of academic gods. I felt extremely embarrassed, yet I also secretly looked forward to seeing my Ge sit in my seat and be praised by my teacher at the parent-teacher meeting the next day.

Footnotes:

[1] - Didi: In this case, it's just an informal address for a younger male, the same way Jiejie is an informal address for a woman older than oneself (usually a young woman).