Chapter 41

If in the past, the only twisted thing about me had been the relationship I had with Yan Yang, then it was also probably from then onwards that the things I did to him started to become stranger.

My possessiveness began to grow unbelievably severe. It wasn’t simply a desire to own him, but a desire to be the only person who owned him.

To make him belong to me alone.

I was obsessed with how he looked when I possessed him. What made me feel uneasy was that it seemed like it was only in bed that he was completely mine. This was unacceptable to me.

At the start, I had still maintained some restraint. Since it was only at times like these that I could be the only person who possessed him, I did so more thoroughly.

When we made love, I would deliberately leave some marks on his body. At first, it had been hickies, but it later progressed to bite marks and scratches. I liked to come inside him too. Regardless of whether he had something to attend to afterwards, I always came inside him.

I liked to watch him complain about it yet still squeeze his hole, and to watch the cum drip down the side of his thigh as he got down from the bed.

In the beginning, Yan Yang had also liked being treated this way. He had thought this was an expression of my love.

During the few days his parents stayed here, I made love with him every night once I got home. I fucked him hard, as though I was afraid that the two people next door wouldn’t be aware of it.

But when the next morning came, I would find an excuse to leave. It was impossible for me to calmly watch their family of three harmoniously enjoying each other’s company. I would want to chase those two people away immediately.

After days of arduous waiting, Yan Yang finally sent them off. That day, I lied again as per usual and didn’t send them off. However, I arrived early at the airport.

I went to the airport not to silently watch them leave, but for Yan Yang’s sake only. After they left, I would immediately pull Yan Yang back into my embrace and kiss him.

During those few years, my work often required me to go overseas on business trips. I was more familiar than anyone with the airport.

Very soon, I caught sight of Yan Yang bringing his parents over. When parting, he gave each of them a hug.

I pinned my eyes on them, my gaze cold, all the way until those two people left.

After they left, Yan Yang still stood in the same spot. At the time, I had already lost any ability to empathise. Seeing his reluctance to part with them, the only emotion I felt other than jealousy was fury.

I walked over and hugged Yan Yang from behind. He was shocked, and upon seeing me, he asked in surprise, “Ge, why are you here?”

He added, “Mum and Dad just left.”

He thought I had hurried over to send them off.

I captured his lips with mine, not letting him speak. If at that moment, his mother or father suddenly walked back, they would see their darling being kissed by me until he was weak in the knees.

Yan Yang asked, “Aren’t you busy today?”

“I’ve finished my work.” I held his hand and brought him out of the airport. I didn’t want to spend even a minute more in this shitty place, because it was full of the love that Yan Yang’s family of three shared. It disgusted me.

“Where’s the car parked?” I asked.

Yan Yang brought me to the car. Going back, I sat in the driver’s seat while he sat shotgun.

The moment we got into the car I kissed him, my hand slipping under the hem of his shirt.

Yan Yang grabbed my wrist. He was scared that someone would see us.

I ignored him. His shirt had already been lifted by me, my fingers kneading his nipples.

Yan Yang was a bit irritated now. He avoided my kiss and asked, “Ge, what’s got into you?”

“I’ve missed you.” I paid no regard to anything else and just continued to kiss him. My hands forked onto another path, travelling downwards.

That day, Yan Yang had been wearing a pair of exercise shorts, the waistline elastic. I directly reached my hand inside.

Through the cloth of his underwear, I touched his crotch. Yan Yang breaths instantly quickened.

Someone walked past the car and shot us a glance. He forcefully pushed me away, but I grabbed his cock.

“Ge…” Yan Yang pleaded, extremely anxious.

“It’s okay,” I assured him, “They can’t see it.”

They would know what the two boys in the car were doing, but they would not see any of Yan Yang’s sensitive areas, because I didn’t allow it.

I would not let anyone other than myself see his body.

In the car, I used my hands to make him come. But that day, he was not in a good mood. After he came, his brows stayed furrowed. I passed him a wet tissue to clean up, but he remained quiet.

Throughout the journey home, he kept his gaze trained outside the window. He didn’t speak to me or look at me.

When we got home and I stopped the car, Yan Yang lowered his head and unbuckled his seat belt. I grabbed his hand.

I had grabbed him very forcefully. Yan Yang let out a soft, pained sound.

“Are you angry at me?”

“I’m not.”

I let go of his hand and shifted closer to look at him.

His gaze was avoidant. He still refused to look me in the eye.

“You’re angry.”

“I’m really not.”

I cupped his face with both hands, fixing my eyes on him. He was finally willing to meet my gaze, but he looked a bit wronged.

“Ge, when I say I don’t want to, could you not force me?” His voice was very soft, “I love you a lot, and I enjoy making love with you a lot, but recently, it feels like there’s been something up with you.”

When he said this, he had already realised that I was behaving unusually, but I myself had not felt that way. I was chalking up all of that ‘something’ to the arrival of his parents. I thought that as long as they were gone, life would return to the way it had been before.

Intimate and warm, when we only had each other.

“I’m sorry,” I apologised to him, “Ge won’t force you again.”

Yan Yang easily accepted my apology. In fact, there had been many times before when I hadn’t apologised for something I had done, but he had still let it go.

He had always indulged me, pardoned me, and forgiven me.

He gave me a peck on the lips, “Ge, do you want it?”

His hand grazed my cock, a smile playing on his lips as he said, “Mum and Dad have left, so we can do it in the living room.”

The moment we stepped foot into the house, our lips crashed together, our clothes scattered all over the floor. On the rug next to the window, we made love, our bodies completely bare.

I lay there while Yan Yang rode me, moving his hips. Our fingers interlaced as we passionately possessed each other.

After it was over, Yan Yang lay on my body, tracing the tattoo on my chest with his finger.

He said, “Ge, next month, I have to go back to China for a performance. Will you go back with me?”

I hadn't known about this. Why did he have to go back for a performance all of a sudden?

The moment the topic of going back was breached, I became very sensitive. My arms tightened around him as I asked, “For how long?”

“About a week, I think,” Yan Yang replied, “I got the notice yesterday. Will you go back with me?”

I declined. I didn’t want to go back there.

The week Yan Yang returned to China, I only called him once. He was very busy; back home, he had to spend time with his parents, as well as meet some old classmates.

The only call we had was when his last performance had concluded and he was out for dinner with his parents and some other relatives. On the phone, he laughed as he told me, “Ge, my aunt[1] even said she wants to introduce a girl to me. I told her I’m not interested in dating right now, and then the whole table of people ended up lecturing me. Look, I’ve just barely graduated from university and they’re already starting to pester me to get married[2].”

He had shared it as something funny, but it landed like a knife driven right into me.

Yan Yang had not realised how dangerous telling me these things was. He continued, “Just now, on the way home, Dad was still asking me to meet the girl. I purposely teased him and said if you want to matchmake, you should matchmake Ge first. How can it already be my turn?”

He was laughing into the phone; I knew he was just making a joke. Even if we had never properly discussed coming out to his family, I knew that we would never choose anyone other than each other. We could not separate – Yan Yang and I had long since fused to become one, down to our blood and bones.

But I still couldn’t suppress my rage. I desperately wanted to bring him back immediately and tell everyone that this person, Yan Yang, was mine.

Footnotes:

[1] ‘aunt’: Referring to Yan Yang’s mother’s elder brother’s wife

[2] ‘pester me to get married’: In Chinese culture, because of the importance of marriage, it is not unusual for parents (and other relatives) to be very concerned about their child’s marriage-related matters. It’s a common topic of discussion at family dinners (often dreaded by the unmarried subject(s) of the conversation, lol)