Chapter 58

In the past, Yan Yang would never have been this hysterical. The person who had caused him to become like this was me. I had colluded with the world to force him into this state.

I squatted down next to him. Even after a long moment of hesitation, I still didn't dare to reach out and touch him. Watching his trembling body, I was very scared that with just a light touch, he would fly away like a wisp of smoke.

But in the end, I still hugged him. I used very little strength, to the point where I couldn't even be sure if I had really touched him or not.

He quietened and slowly put his hands down. A long time passed before he finally pushed me away.

“Go wash up.” He supported himself against the floor and stood up. Although his face was still streaked with tears, he had already recovered his cold and indifferent appearance.

Yan Yang turned and walked towards the kitchen. As I watched his back, I felt like a big rock was lodged in my chest.

If you want to say who the most disgraceful person in this whole fiasco was, it could be me, or that man who had given me life. Of course, it could be my mother too, or every single person who had got involved in this story early on.

But it definitely couldn’t be Yan Yang. From the beginning to the end, Yan Yang and his mother had been innocent.

Yet they were the ones suffering the most.

I sat on the ground, listening to the sounds from the kitchen. The sound of pots and pans knocking into each other weaved together a true tune of human life.

Hugging my knees to my chest, I sighed, then got up and obediently went to the bathroom.

Yan Yang must have prepared himself well. He never got his hands dirty in the past, but could now cook food by himself. He never cleaned his own room, but he had cleaned this place up until it was spick and span.

Our toothbrushes were identical, orderly set next to each other.

Our towels were orderly hung next to each other, identical as well.

As I brushed my teeth and looked at myself in the mirror, I suddenly started to cry. I didn't know the world had already collapsed and degraded to this state. Could it still be fixed?

Yan Yang had made breakfast.

Only half of the dumplings he wrapped had been boiled the previous night. This morning, after boiling the rest, he had fried them as well.

I wanted to chat with him. Any topic would do, but he refused.

“Don't eat and talk at the same time.” He didn't look at me, his eyes lowered, focused on the fried dumplings on the plate, “It's bad for digestion.”

I obediently shut up, quietly eating as he wished.

But after we finished and cleared the table together, he went to take a shower, then was already preparing to go out.

Yan Yang continued not to give me the chance to talk to him a little.

“I have a performance today, so I'll be back late. There's ready-made food in the fridge. Prepare it yourself.” When he spoke, his tone remained completely flat, and he didn't look at me either.

I stood there, watching Yan Yang put on his coat and grab his phone and keys. He then put a pill box filled with medication into his pocket and walked to the door.

Before going out, he said to me, “Wait for me to come back.”

Without waiting for my reply, he left. Then, I heard the crisp click of the lock – Yan Yang had locked me in the house.

All of a sudden, I truly felt like this place was a grave. However, this grave was not mine alone. Part of Yan Yang’s body was resting here too.

I walked to the door and pressed up against it. This was the only thing that had been changed out in this entire house.

It was a brand new door.

Pressed up against the door, I could actually hear someone crying outside.

It was suppressed and restrained, the sound of Yan Yang crying.

That sound quickly vanished, while the sound of footsteps echoed out. He had left.

For some reason, I started to smile. The sound of Yan Yang’s sobs replayed in my mind. It felt like something was melting.

I spent the whole day waiting.

Waiting for night to fall, for Yan Yang to return.

I was a skeleton in a grave, and a bird in a prisoner's cage. I was willing to be imprisoned here by him, not going anywhere, just waiting for him.

This place was a lot quieter than it had been in the past. Many of both the young and the old in this neighbourhood had moved away already. Occasionally, there were some loud scuffles, but they were no longer the neighbours I was familiar with.

This was pretty nice.

Apart from this, likely because I was now far from the hospital, whether something was reality or a hallucination was no longer a problem that bothered me. Everything that I could touch and feel was real. I hugged Yan Yang's coat and lay on the bed he slept on, falling asleep in the light of the winter sun. I slept from noon to evening, then stared at the clock on the wall, counting the seconds as I waited for him to return.

It was the first time I had experienced peace in my life. I started imagining what he would say to me first and what he would do first when he returned.

I also tried to imagine how he would look performing on stage. Unfortunately, I couldn't.

It had been too long since I last saw him play the piano. Back when I had first come to the Yan family, he had foolishly smiled and called me ‘Ge’, and played the piano for me like he was offering up a precious jewel. It felt like that had happened a lifetime ago. Really, it all felt like a lifetime ago now.

It was a quarter past one in the middle of the night when Yan Yang returned.

When I heard the front door open, I immediately got down from the bed and went to welcome him.

When he entered, he looked a bit fatigued. He indifferently swept his gaze over me and asked, “Why haven't you slept yet?”

“I was waiting for you.” I stood at the bedroom door, watching him. I watched him take off his coat, all his actions this morning now put in reverse. He placed his phone, keys, and the pill box back in their original positions.

The pill box was empty now.

Only after putting everything down did he then look at me. The two of us stood in the dimly-lit living room, both remaining silent.

“Wanna have sex?” Yan Yang suddenly laughed. He fished out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit a cigarette up.

Yan Yang smoked his cigarette as he slowly walked towards me. His eyes were half-narrowed, a hint of mirth in them as he said, “But I suggest that you don't take any pictures this time, because if you accidentally show them to other people again, and my reputation is ruined and shamed, there won't be anyone paying for our medical fees anymore.”