Chapter 18

In the morning, my class and Class Four had a basketball match. This was our school tradition; before the term ended, each class had to play a grand friendly match. During this time, I became useful. The class monitor and study rep who normally didn’t think highly of me would come to me and call me Daddy[1]. People were always like this, but it was okay, I occasionally liked to be the Daddy.

Although our class had more guys, there weren’t many people who could play. This time, we were playing five on five. My most solid partner Old Lei[2] had torn his meniscus and couldn’t play, so tall and skinny Small Glasses, who could also play basketball, became the replacement, though much was left to be desired. This kind of delicate academic god was considered a casual tree-standing athlete[3], so I was basically one person carrying four teammates. The ability of my team was sometimes good and sometimes bad, so if their playing was abnormally poor then I’d have to play one against nine. How could they let a guy who had just been a bottom not long ago have such a hard time?

But the good thing was, our opponent’s ability wasn’t very good either.

When I was in my third year of middle school, I had infiltrated my Ge’s school to be an external aid for his school team. He had quickly passed me the ball towards my shoulder and once I got the ball I shot a hoop. The two of us had a very strong tacit understanding; even if he was changing our strategy on the playing field at the last minute, as long as our eyes met I could understand his intentions.

After we had won as expected, the fourth-year university students all came to pat my head one by one and express their amazement at the tacit understanding between my Ge and me. My Ge laughed until the ladies were laughing along with him too, but I couldn’t crack a smile because there was a group of pretty seniors giving my Ge drinks. He grinned as he greeted each one of them and could actually call out all of their names. I threw the ball at my Ge’s face and walked off.

***

After the first half of the game was over, I lifted my shirt to wipe my perspiration as it was a habit. Immediately, I heard a group of girls outside the court shrieking. We had only won the first half by a narrow margin and the scores were very close; I couldn’t understand what they were so happy about.

For some reason, the girls from Class Four were all gathered at my class’ audience seats. When I walked over, they suddenly became very noisy. Ren Yingying and the girl who sat in front of me gave me drinks at the same time. I hesitated for a moment before accepting both, then secretly went back to the rest area to drink the sports drink that my Ge had shoved into my bag when sending me to school today.

The cap was opened already because my Ge had been thirsty in the morning and took a sip.

“Duan Yan, you played pretty well,” Old Lei suddenly came up to me from behind, “Oh my, I see you’ve treated the two school beauties equally, but you’re unexpectedly preserving yourself?”

He had come at just the right time. I asked him what was a suitable first gift for a girlfriend. My Ge and I had never given each other birthday presents; at most, when he went out on business trips he would buy something back for me, or if someone had given him a present he sometimes passed it on to me. This was because in this world, there was nothing more idiotic than actual brothers giving each other birthday presents.

“Holy shit, you have a girlfriend?”

Of course. This Friday was the one week anniversary of my Ge and I dating. If my Ge was my boyfriend, then I could only be his girlfriend. This couldn’t be, so he was my girlfriend.

Old Lei racked his brains to help me think, “How about you give her a watch, a bag, a skirt or something like that.”

I couldn’t give him a bag, but I could give him a watch -- except my Ge was so rich I couldn’t afford the watches he wore.

I told him my girlfriend was a rich lady; I didn’t have enough pocket money to buy gifts that were too expensive.

Old Lei said, Ask your Ge for money then.

Right. I called my Ge on the spot.

My Ge, “Hm?”

Me, “I, Emperor Qin, am asking for money.” [4]

Footnotes:

[1] - Daddy: As in, they have to ‘submit’ to him and acknowledge his ‘supremacy’. Like saying that he’s the big boss

[2] - Old Lei: He’s not actually old, they’re just close so Duan Yan calls him that

[3] - casual tree-standing athlete: ‘Tree-standing’ here refers to Zhan Zhuang, a form of Qigong. It’s also known as ‘standing meditation’. As the name suggests, one generally holds a standing pose for some time when practising Zhan Zhuang. In the context of the story, Duan Yan is humorously saying that Small Glasses stands there and does nothing.

[4] - I, Emperor Qin, am asking for money: An internet joke. A few years back there was a ridiculous text message scam circulating in China. The general gist of the message went something like, a person would pretend to be an important historical figure who had reincarnated/been reborn or pretend to be that figure's illegitimate child, then ask for money. In response to the scam, someone replied in the same format claiming to be Emperor Qin to mock the scammer. Thus, 'I, Emperor Qin, am asking for money' was born. (P. S. Emperor Qin was the first emperor of China and is obviously dead; that's the joke)

If you're curious, I've translated the Emperor Qin message:

Hello, I'm Emperor Qin. I actually didn't die. I have 10 billion tonnes of gold in Xi'an and I need 2000 yuan to unfreeze my gold in Xi'an. You can use Wechat or Alipay to send the money, the account is my mobile number. After you send me the money, I'll immediately bring my troops over and make you commander of the upper, middle and lower army!

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Twitter: @chentranslates

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