Chapter 35

Taking advantage of when the others were eating after class at noon, I hurriedly returned to the dorms to clean up my bed. The afternoon break was too short. If I was still rummaging through the cabinets when they came back to the dorms to sleep, it wouldn't be appropriate.

The school had two blocks of blended apartment buildings and two blocks of student dormitories. From the start, I had never lived in school, so I hadn't chosen the apartments which had better conditions compared to the dorms that were more mediocre. After all, it cost only 180 yuan a year and there were eight beds and a table in one room. Luggages were stored in the cabinet behind the door. After having lived with someone as clean as my Ge for so long, now when I smelt the odour of dirty feet in the room, I actually found it rather familiar and intimate.

Because I never stayed here, my bed was used by those brothers of mine as a place to dump their stuff. I had just smoothed out the bed and hung up the mosquito net when my roommates walked into the room one after another, belching and picking at their teeth. When they saw me, they were surprised, "Holy fuck, the rich young master has come down to the countryside to experience the suffering of the people?"

I draped myself over the railing, "Do you have any food? Quick, help me."

They rummaged through the cupboards to help me gather food to eat. I held raw sausage instant noodles in my mouth as I gamed with them before napping. Old Lei's WeChat suddenly rang with a notification.

"Damn it, how annoying."

"Who was that?"

"Who else can it be; it must be his sweetheart Lin Yubian."

"Fuck."

A few other roommates and I shushed him, "He's recording a voice note to send to Lin Meimei[1] in the afternoon."

Old Lei was dating a girl from Class Three. The two of them stuck to each other like glue, publicly displaying their affection every day. Soon, Old Lei went offline in-game. I glanced at the upper bunk. He was video calling Lin Meimei, sighing as he murmured, Ah, I'm sorry baby, just now I was gaming and didn't see. Don't be angry anymore, baby.

All of us hooted, teasing him. There were only a few minutes left until the dorm in-charge started patrolling so everyone went to sleep. Only I didn't sleep, zoning out as I lay in bed, staring at my phone. My Ge hadn't sent me a single message.

I wanted him to send me a message too and disturb me while I was gaming. I would purposely ignore him, but only for three minutes because I wouldn’t be able to resist for longer than that. After that, he’d probably get cutely upset and blame me for not replying to his messages. Then I would patiently coax him over the phone, Baby, don’t be upset anymore, I’m sorry.

Back to the main topic; I’d let it pass if my Ge just hadn't sent me a message, but when I asked him what he was doing, he didn’t respond either. Tsk, pissing me off.

The afternoon break was only forty minutes long. The blistering hot and cramped dorm was already filled with the sound of snoring. I pillowed my head on my hand, zoning out. I really couldn’t fall asleep. I fished out a collection of short stories by Edgar Allen Poe, belonging to Old Lei, from under the bed to pass time. Murder mysteries were the best for taking up brain power to reduce the amount available for thoughts to run wild.

At night, my Ge took the initiative to call me. His voice sounded tired as he asked me if I had slept well. I truthfully replied that I hadn’t.

“Darling, Ge will bring you out to eat tomorrow.” He kissed me through the phone and asked me to bear it for another day. Well, what else could I do? My girlfriend had even kissed me already, I couldn’t be angry anymore.

My Ge always kept his word. The next day at noon after class ended, he was, sure enough, at the place we always met at. I looked left and right to check that there was no one around before zooming towards him, embracing him. He reached out his right hand to catch me as he kissed my cheek. We had reunited after a long separation; I missed him a lot too.

During our meal, my Ge’s phone kept ringing. He was a bit irritated, putting his phone on mute before tossing it to the side. I instinctively picked up his phone and accidentally let him see my ring finger. I had been bored during Chinese class and drawn a ring on it.

My Ge grabbed my hand in midair and licked his lips, bringing my wrist closer to him as he sized it up in a teasing manner. I instantly felt my ears burn, but I didn’t want to pull my hand back. Luckily, we were inside a private dining room where no one could see us. I crawled up onto the sofa and sat on my Ge’s lap, facing him. His eyes curved into crescents and he mysteriously looked me up and down:

“What did you draw?”

He clearly knew the answer but still asked. Of course it was a wedding ring. He just wanted to make fun of me and watch me get embarrassed. I couldn’t be bothered to reply.

Duan Rui was never reasonable. He trapped both my wrists in his right hand as he faintly brushed his lips against mine, laughing quietly in a voice only the two of us could hear, “Darling, let Ge hear about why you drew this.”

I had missed him. I wanted to kiss him, unable to hold back from chasing his enticing lips. My Ge purposely maintained a bit of distance between us so I couldn’t kiss him. I hated this feeling of pursuit; it was just like the dreams I had every night. Exasperated, I struggled free of his grasp and toppled him over onto the sofa, pinning him down as I sat on his body and leant down to kiss him. I wasn’t as skilled as my Ge; I only knew how to follow my instincts and wind my tongue around his, swallowing the saliva I stole from his mouth.

I seemed to have hurt him somewhere, but at this moment, I couldn’t be bothered to care. Kissing someone was when one was most free and unbridled. Duan Rui lightly patted my spine, slowly leaving my lips.

He put his hand in front of my face and asked me to draw one for him too, the corner of his lips curved up. At first, my Ge put out his left hand, but he suddenly stopped for a moment and switched to his right hand.

I definitely wouldn’t draw something so childish for him. He still had to work in the afternoon; his colleagues would laugh at him. I wanted to buy him a real one.

I seemed to have slowly earned a sort of superpower: I could tell how tired he was from the extent and strength with which he patted me. My Ge’s cool palm slowly stopped on my back and his breathing slowed to a steady pace. He actually fell asleep just like this. I moved a bit and his half-closed eyes opened a little, sleepily gazing at me.

I touched his lashes with my knuckles, then quietly got off his body, resting his head on my lap. The temperature of the central air conditioning in the private dining room was very low, so I took off my school uniform jacket and draped it over his body. The midday sun outside was blazing away, so I put my hand over my Ge’s eyes, letting him have a good rest. I also took the opportunity to lean against the sofa and rest for a bit.

The night before, I hadn’t slept at all, my eyes wide open from night to morning. I actually wasn’t picky about my bed; whether it was soft, hard, a sofa, the floor, or under a bridge, as long as my Ge was beside me, I could lie down anywhere and fall asleep.

His phone screen kept flashing. I picked it up to take a look. The contact of the person calling was ‘CEO Song’. I thought it was some difficult-to-please old CEO that was making my Ge’s life hard. When I put down the phone, I accidentally saw the phone number beneath the name.

I was familiar with this string of numbers that started with 138. It was our mum’s phone number. To guard against me, he was able to think of changing the contact name. Only my Ge was smart enough to do so.

I answered the call on his behalf. A female voice that was purposely raised and ear-shattering was transmitted from the phone:

“Xiao Rui? Why did you keep ignoring my calls! When are the two of us going to go look at houses?”

This voice was seriously too loud. My Ge was startled awake, a shiver abruptly running through his body. I covered his mouth, pressing him against my thigh such that he couldn’t move.

“Mn, when do you want to go?” I had a lot of experience imitating my Ge’s tone of voice. In a call or through voice messages, our voices sounded extremely similar. My mum pretty much couldn’t remember that she still had me, this other son, and she also only saw my Ge as an ATM, so she couldn’t differentiate between our voices at all.

My mum laughed, then stopped suddenly. However, I could still hear the false concern in her voice as she said, “Ah, it’s no rush, isn’t your arm injured? Rest for a couple of days, a couple of days is fine too.”

I suddenly froze. The injury on my Ge’s hand had clearly recovered long ago.

I raised the phone up and lowered my head to gaze into my Ge’s eyes. He evaded me and hid his hand into his suit. I grabbed onto his hand and he was in so much pain that he shrunk back.

A chill ran down my spine. I pulled my Ge’s suit off and lifted the sleeve of his shirt, seeing bandages wrapped around his forearm, stained with blood. Just now when we were kissing, I had accidentally pressed down on him. It must definitely have hurt like hell.

I questioned him on how this had come about. He casually responded that the fish tank had shattered and he had accidentally scraped himself. I asked him again, The fish tank in our house is made of tempered glass, how did that shit shatter?

I soon understood. My mum’s little son, fuck, as in that so-called Didi of ours, had been fucking playing around with a model gun and hence shattered the fish tank. The fish tank was made of tempered glass so it was alright, but unexpectedly, when the housekeeper was cleaning the mess up, the glass lid suddenly fell off. At the time, my Ge was afraid that it would crack her head open so he reached out to block it. Like that, he got a huge gash on his arm and almost fucking tore his muscle.

He hugged me and caressed me reassuringly, comforting me softly in my ear. My Ge was most afraid of me going crazy. When I went insane, he couldn't pin me down. I didn't want to lose my mind either, but I couldn't control myself. My heart hurt, breathing was difficult and I felt dizzy. Fuck, I might have high blood pressure.

My mum was still making a ruckus on the phone, asking me why I wasn't saying anything. I brought the phone closer and replied to her, "Shut up, shrew. Get your son and yourself out of our house. If I see your son later with a foot still in the house, I'll break that leg of his."

My mum went silent for a moment before letting loose a stream of incentives. She yelled at me, saying I was uncivilised and sick in the head, showing no respect for my elders. She said I was unfilial and a burden on my Ge. I hung up the phone and pulled my Ge out to go home.

My Ge pulled me back, "Darling, I'm fine. Go back to school first, I'm going to the office in the afternoon. Let that pair of mother and son go wherever they want to, there's no need to care about them."

I turned around and asked him, "How many stitches did you get?"

At first, he didn't want to tell me, but in the end he still admitted it. He had gotten eleven stitches.

My eyes blacked out. I had to support myself against the wall to steady myself. I snatched the car keys from my Ge's pocket to bring him home. He himself knew that I would find out about this sooner or later. Dragging it out for a while was only a while. I wanted to hit him, but didn't have the heart to. I wanted to scold him, but couldn't bear to.

What kind of person was my mum, you ask? She only cared about doting on that little son of hers now. During Chinese New Year a few years back, my Ge had been working to earn money for his second year of school fees. Because there weren't many people available to work during that period of time, the salary was higher. My mum and her family had been eating a New Year's Eve family reunion dinner. After my Ge had finished a day of tiring work, he brought me back to their house. They hadn’t even left a warm dumpling behind for him. This time, the situation was basically the same. My mum had been busily checking if there were any injuries on the child's body while my Ge bled all over the floor. In the end, it was the housekeeper who had brought my Ge to get bandaged at the hospital. Recently, there were a lot of things to do at the office. The moment he got out of the hospital, my Ge had probably already started heading towards his office.

I gripped the steering wheel, feeling like the car was filled with the smell of blood.

"Ge, can I kill people?" I asked him.

"No." He raised his head, leaning against the headrest as he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

"I promise I'll stab the vitals in one go. I won't do it sadistically." I had lied. I wanted to dismember them, cutting that child and his mum who deserved to die into 108 pieces, starting from their fingers. Then I would throw them into a bilge well and wait for the methane to accumulate until I could ignite firecrackers and throw them in. There would be a huge bang, then the bits of their corpses would scatter across the ground like rain.

“Darling, no.”

I drove the car into our estate and stopped in front of our unit. I went up the lift and the moment I entered the house, something flew by my face and smacked the door frame, exploding into pieces. I immediately dodged it and turned around to cover my Ge's body. The small fragments of the plastic bullet fell all over my body. The side of my neck was scraped by a shard, leaving a small gash. I had played with these when I was younger too; this kind of plastic bullet was extremely dangerous. It should have been banned from sale on the market long ago.

There was a chubby boy who looked like he was in his third year of elementary school standing on the coffee table. He was pointing a model gun at us, saying ‘pew pew’. His mum was sitting on the sofa watching the television. When she saw us arrive, she didn’t move and just rolled her eyes at me.

Was I supposed to indulge his idiocy? I quickly stripped off my outer uniform and threw it on the floor before rushing to the coffee table and grabbing that shitty gun's mouth, forcefully yanking it to the side to pull that kid off the table. He fell onto the ground and started wailing. I broke up the parts of the gun and snapped the gun barrel, flinging it at him. His mum instantly turned anxious, shoving me aside to tenderly brush off the fragments on the boy's body.

Look, even when it came to her biological sons, she had to make a separation between close ones and distant ones, insiders and outsiders.

Only now did I have the time to look at the miserable state this house was in. The sofa was piled up with a mess of clothing and two luggages were just left lying open in the living room. Snacks and all sorts of toys were strewn across the floor. The area where the fish tank had been was empty now and there was only an empty socket left in the wall. Beneath the sofa were the empty shells of edible seeds and orange peels. I found out that last night, my mum had brought a few aunts here and dragged my Ge in to chat until late in the night.

Fuck, who could understand my feelings at this current moment? I furiously pinched my philtrum[2].

There was a pile of indistinguishable rubbish in the corner. With great difficulty, I managed to identify that it was a model airplane my Ge and I had pieced together previously. My Ge silently walked towards that pile of rubbish and sat down on the floor that hadn’t been cleaned in two days. He picked up some quick-drying glue and stuck those fragments back together, his back facing us. He was so tired that he couldn’t say a word.

Last night, he had sent me away, then suffered this unreasonable chaos alone. He was definitely wishing for this to end soon, but because he was the grownup, he had to endure this with infinite patience. Perhaps I would become a grownup sooner or later, but at present, I hadn’t.

That kid was still crying. He was like a radio with a broken signal, continuously letting out the sound of static. I knew that every radio had a switch; once you pressed it, the radio would turn off. This child should have one too. I earnestly looked for the button on his body.

I found it. I stepped on his left hand and listened carefully. I had clearly heard a crack sound, but this child’s shrieks only became even more shrill. Had I pressed the wrong button?

I stepped on his right hand.

I saw my mum hysterically stand up and raise her hand to slap me. My Ge pulled me into his arms and pushed my mum away, “That’s enough, Mum. Hurry up and take Fang Yu away, quickly, Xiao Yan can’t deal with this anymore.”

My mum scolded my Ge, saying he had no conscience, “I told you so many years ago already, he was discovered to be mentally ill! I said to toss him away but you didn’t allow it. Can his mental disorder be cured? How much money have you spent on him already? Almost 7 digits[3] already, this is a bottomless pit! Xiao Yu is your blood-related Didi too, right? If you can spend up to a million yuan to treat his illness, what’s wrong with getting our Xiao Yu a house?!”

“He’s going to be a murderer in the future, don’t you read the news? There’s mentally ill people running out to chop people up, and you still keep him by your side? When the time comes, you won’t even know how you died. Mum is begging you, lock him in a mental hospital before it’s too late!”

My Ge finally yelled at her, irritated, “Nonsense! In front of your children; don’t you fucking go overboard!"

When my Ge yelled at people, he was very fierce. My mum's eyes immediately reddened. She cried bitterly as she complained, "Unfilial son…Mum has brought you up all this while for nothing…"

This woman could actually create a noise so many decibels loud. I looked for her switch; it seemed to be on her throat. I forcefully pressed on her switch so that she wouldn't make any more noise. My Ge desperately pulled me back, yanking me off that woman's neck before dragging me into the toilet and locking the door.

The light wasn't turned on in the toilet. The toilet was only dimly lit by a bit of light that had penetrated through the frosted glass. My Ge calmed me down in a low voice by my ear, "Yanyan, Ge's good boy, relax, don't be anxious." He hugged me and patted my back like he was comforting a young child.

This space was too dark and too cramped. I found it difficult to breathe. I had lost control over my mind, my reactions abnormally sluggish. I could only lower my eyes and look at his left arm covered in bandages.

"Okay, don't cry anymore, darling." My Ge continuously helped me to wipe my cheeks, "Good boy, we're not sick at all. Xiao Yan is Ge's most obedient child."

I kept zoning out. Perhaps it was Duan Rui who had birthed me, because only Duan Rui loved me. I wasn't crying, I was just raining. Later, my body would grow mushrooms.

My Ge cupped my face and tried to amuse me so that I would smile.

I raised my eyes slightly and looked at him through my blurred vision. He froze, his expression a bit perplexed as he caressed me gently in a panic. I could hear the anxiety in his voice when he tried to put me at ease.

I copied him and raised my hand, patting his back, "Ge, you're so tired, go upstairs and sleep."

"I'm fine, I'm just scared that you'll…"

"I won't kill anyone, I won't become a murderer. Ge, don't be scared."

It seemed like every time I told my Ge I wanted to kill someone, he would become very scared, afraid that I would be taken away, afraid that I'd leave him. My Ge was so adorable. Of course I would always stay by his side and take care of him.

When we were kissing, we were interrupted by a loud crash from downstairs. At first, we didn't pay it any mind, but five minutes later, our neighbours ran over to knock at our door, yelling loudly, "Is that car with the plate number starting with B67C yours?! Quickly come and take a look!"

"Shit, what happened?" I met eyes with my Ge and we immediately sped downstairs.

After all these years of living, I had seriously only ever seen one car accident. This was the first time I had ever encountered such an idiotic situation. I was startled. Just now, my mum had brought her son downstairs. Her son had taken the car keys my Ge had left on top of the shoe cabine, then that foolish bastard had gotten into the car and started driving. With the car in reverse mode, he had heavily stepped on the gas pedal and the car crashed into the garden of the old man who lived in Unit 2. There was a dog cage there, with a big golden retriever inside. It was instantly crushed by the butt of the car, its brains and blood all over the floor. The old lady in Unit 2 had been hugging the dog's corpse, crying so hard that she collapsed and had to be taken away by an ambulance. According to the neighbours, she had had a cerebral hemorrhage. At her age, even if she was saved, she'd still have a blood clot in her brain. The old man waved a rolling pin in the air, cursing madly as he rushed out, intending to beat that rotten child to death.

My mum was alarmed, protecting her son while calling out to us, "Duan Rui! Duan Yan! Quick! Come and stop him! Quick!"

As it was his duty, my Ge had no choice but to roll up his sleeves and stop the man. I yanked my Ge back. With only one hand, he couldn't win over me in a fight at all. I pinned him to the ground and punched him twice. Blood seeped into the bandages around his left arm again, making my Ge's face turn pale from pain.

This bit of delay was already enough. The old man was pissed to death, slamming the rolling pin down on the child's head without a care. The child's arm was hit too, fracturing it. Holy fuck, this was the first time I had ever seen a real fracture, an obvious lump sticking out of Fang Yu's forearm.

I glanced at my Ge. He was on the ground, his face full of shock as he sat there, stunned. A few seconds later, he quickly pulled me into his arms and covered my eyes with his suit jacket to stop me from looking. In reality, even if I saw a dead person in the hospital covered in white cloth being wheeled towards the morgue, I wouldn't feel anything at all. I'd even be a bit envious. The enterers and leavers of this world were mostly assembled in the hospital, my hands often stepped on by the souls passing by. My Ge had always seen me as a little kid, but the truth was that I was already rotten to the core. When I saw life being broken off, blood and flesh splattering everywhere, I wouldn't feel anything at all.

It seemed that there was a reason why I had fallen in love with my Ge. God had always cleverly paired up angels and devils, stopping them from frequently committing foolish acts. This was an interesting type of balance.

Footnotes:

[1] - Meimei: Younger sister. Also used to informally refer to a girl younger than you.

[2] - philtrum: aka 'Ren Zhong' or ‘Man’s Middle’ in Chinese medicine. It’s a pressure point. It helps to restore consciousness, calms the mind, treats some psychological disorders etc

[3] - 7 digits: 1 million yuan is about 156.4k USD.

Also, if anyone is confused by why the students were sleeping after lunch, midday/afternoon naps are common in China.