2001.06.24 The President's New Suit

Actually it's not new. Every President has worn it, in fact, or one very similar to it, for almost four decades. Still, it is clear that none has worn it to such advantage as our current President, George W. Bush.

Never has this august garment been more beautifully transparent, not even when George's father, former Chief Weaver George H.-W., was sent down to PA Avenue to occupy the public throne.

"But he's naked!" the occasional obstreperous child continues to protest, along with sundry nudity theorists, who are, by definition, crazy (except for the weavers' spies among them).

Thus we are united, one and (almost) all, in a noble effort to uphold the dignity of that high office that some few apparently would prefer to drag through the dirt. This is a collective work of fiction, to be sure, but of high fiction: art in the service of humanty.

For what do they hope to gain, these crazy buff buffs among us, most of them being Communists, Negroes, Fags, Foreigners, Semites, Potheads, Environmentalists, Anti-Death-Penalty-Abortionists, Euthanasiaists, or Democrats? Do they imagine that the rest of us are unaware that the President is naked as a jay bird? Who could be that stupid, after Selection 2000? But what is the alternative? Chaos and pandemonium, followed by martial law?

So we accept the weavers' warps and woofs and loomy tunes because to do otherwise would be crazy. That has been decreed. Everybody who is anybody has accepted this argumentation. The President's new suit is there, whether we like it or not.

Furthermore, we can all agree on one thing: good suit or zoot suit, it's a perfect fit.