Rockin' rollin', rattlin', mov'in, shakin'
incredible breathtaking, belief-defying mastermind,
the one and only Perp of Perps, Mother of All Crimes,
'tis I, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed,
the most powerful superman of all time,
faster than the FAA and NORAD,
more powerful than the US Air Force,"
able to pulverize tall buildings with a single plane
and another one with no plane at all."
Look, to the skies!
My jet fuel burns at 2770 degrees and more,
cuts steel like thermite into truck-bed lengths
for easy transport to China, a federal offense,
after defying the laws of physics,
collapsing hundred-story buildings at free-fall speed
into their own footprints, vaporizing everything,
except a couple of things the FBI is keeping for me.
Nothing beside remains.
At the Pentagon, the best-defended building on the planet,
my man Hani Hanjour, cleverly disguised as a mild-mannered
incompetent who couldn't fly a kite much less a jet airplane
pulled a 757 through a 270 degree spiral turn at 400 mph
to hit the Pentagon where Donald Rumsfeld wasn't
but where the ONI was and the records were
of the 2.3 trillion dollars Rumsfeld said the day before were "missing."
Then I again had 100 tons of airplane vaporized inside the building,
leaving the lawn outside pristine, the windows on the second floor
unbroken, and a teeny little hole for whatever
punched through six walls and then also vaporized.
You see my jet fuel gets so hot it vaporizes steel
but not humans, which is why the military could identify
184 victims, but I refuse to let that government of yours
have anything verified independently.
That would raise too many answers. I like questions,
which is why I told Rummy to say it was a missile
and the FBI to lock up everything, including the videos.
Finally, in Shanksville, another tour de force.
My plane disappeared into thin earth,
leaving just a smoking hole and two black boxes
which I cleverly designed to have no serial numbers.
No one can match these feats.
I did it all. I have defeated you.
Sure, to get me to confess they put me on the rack.
But look at what I did to you, and your red white and blue.
You will never get your country back.
I gave you the man of the new century, Big Brother,
Burning Bush the Second, conqueror of nations, first the US,
then Afghanistan, Iraq, and Iran still to come,
Hegemond of Oilland, Destroyer of constitutions,
habeas corpus, peace and freedom,
Maker of concentration camps, military trials with torture,
preemptive warfare, CIA renditions,
Total Information Awareness and an 8.6 trillion dollar debt,
Filler of body bags, Commander-in-chief extraordinaire,
never having been to Vietnam but AWOL in Alabam
and a VP never adorned with a US uniform.
With such enemies, who needs friends?
I kept your president in a children's classroom
listening to a goat story, the Secret Service petrified
for 30 minutes and failing to order air cover
while the FAA and NORAD continued fumbling
and I with box cutters and a few good men
on the 9/11 Commission to get the story straight
and keep me out of it, along with Building 7
and most of the rest of what I'm telling you,
destroyed you. My genius is boundless.
I kept my boys' names off the flight manifests.
I killed three thousand people in one day.
I got the gold out of the basement, put the puts and called the calls,
told Giuliani the Towers were gonna fall,
and two people at Odigo.
I gave Mohammed Atta a hundred thousand dollars
via the head of Pakistan intelligence
who met with CIA the week preceding 9/11,
told Attorney-General Ashcroft not to fly
Willie Brown of San Francisco not to fly
Larry Silverstein to say he'd "pull it,"
the FBI to ignore their field agents
who had learned about my plans,
the Commission to ignore most everything,
and lie about the rest.
I told the BBC to say Building 7 had collapsed
23 minutes before it happened.
All of this just to create confusion
and encourage outrageous conspiracy theories,
which now you don't need anymore because I am the man.
I am the most powerful person in the universe.
The first to bring steel-framed buildings down by fire.
The first to defeat the US Air Defense Command.
The first to destroy American democracy.
I am Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Sheikh of Sheikhs.
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair.
(Written originally March 20, 2007, here revised slightly.)