061611 The Armstrong Shuffle

06/16/11 - Story Time

So here is the true story behind the last few comics. 

Two years ago, I got married. It was a big, three day, theatrical event with family, friends, a 14 piece swing band, lots of red and white draped fabric and 26 individual wedding cakes.  Best… wedding… ever. However, of all the amazing and magical moments from that weekend, the one story that is most often told at family gatherings is about “The Armstrong Shuffle”.

We had quite a few out of town guests scattered over three or four hotels in Fort Collins. My soon to be in-laws came in from California with another couple (Let’s call them "Mr. and Mrs D.") and checked into the Armstrong Hotel, which we had reserved for family and close family friends.

Mr D. had been having trouble falling asleep so, the night before the wedding, he took an Ambien pill to try and get a good night rest. If you are not already aware, Ambien is used to treat insomnia and belongs to class of medications called sedative-hypnotics. It works by slowing activity in the brain to allow sleep. Rarely, after taking this drug, people have gotten out of bed sleepwalked, prepared/eaten food, made phone calls, driven vehicles or had sex while not fully awake. Often, these people do not remember these events.

So after turning in early in his cozy room, Mr. D. was quite surprised when he awoke to find himself standing the hallway of the Armstrong Hotel holding a handful of Pixy Stix, apparently taken from the front desk in the lobby of the hotel. Though Mr. D has no memory of how he got there or the circumstances of his Pixy Stix gathering, it is surmised that he got up, decided he needed a midnight snack and walked out of his room, up the hallway, down two flights of stairs, into the Armstrong lobby and up to the front desk to retrieve his colorful sugary treat.

At this point in the story is it important to know that Mr. D. sleeps in the nude. It is also of interest that the front desk of the Armstrong Hotel is only a few feet away from a large plate glass window facing College Avenue, the main thoroughfare in Fort Collins, and a high pedestrian traffic area.

Still a little disoriented, Mr. D took his best guess at what was either his room or my soon to be Father in Law’s room and began knocking, hoping that he would not wake up the entire hotel and that the person who answered would at least be someone he knew. As he was knocking, another guest (presumably from the other wedding party at the hotel) walked up behind him to offer these kind words of assurance “Hey, It happens to all of us...” before walking off and leaving Mr. D. locked out and (still) stark naked. But hey, at least he knew he was in good company.

Eventually Mr. D. was able to find his door, wake his wife and get back into his room. The next day, the details of his nocturnal journey were pieced together by his foggy recollections and the trail of Pixy Stix wrappers scattered about the hotel. My Father in Law christened Mr. D’s adventure “The Armstrong Shuffle.” That night Mrs. D. constructed a Rube Goldberg device with the hotel furniture and a bag of golf balls to keep him from repeating his late night escapades.

How Mr. D. was able to traverse the entirety of the Armstrong Hotel unimpeded and gather a fist full of Pixy Stix in full view of College Ave. in the buff without anyone noticing remains a mystery. Either he was just lucky, or (more likely) the sight of a naked man wandering around eating candy is just considered part of the local flavor in Fort Collins.

So if you ever happen to see someone in their birthday suit walking around happily tearing into a tube of flavored sugar… don’t worry, they are not a deviant or a crazy person… They are just doing “The Armstrong Shuffle”. After all, apparently it happens to all of us...

Thanks for the inspiration "Mr. D."