020912 Horror Show

02/09/12

History is full of turning points. 

Hindsight allows us to pinpoint these pivotal moments in history that, while seemingly innocuous in themselves, changed the fate of empires. A poorly planed outing into Teutoburg Forest marked the end to the military domination of the Roman Empire. One locked door led to the The Tennis Court Oath, the tipping point in the tensions leading to the French Revolution. And a simple translation of an essay by a German priest and scholar began the Prodistant Reformation and changed the entire fate of Europe forever.

Years from now when historians look to this era in history they will be able to pinpoint the exact moment when landscape of the American Empire changed. I believe that this moment is not the contentious political climate, the stock market crash or even the tragic events of 9/11. No I think that future beings will look back and see that pivotal moment happened on May 19th, 1999 with the theatrical release of STAR WARS: Episode I - The Phantom Menace.

I love the original trilogy. I would watch them almost everyday after school on old battered VHS tapes until I wore out the sound. But it didn’t matter because I could almost recite to films by heart. 

And I was not alone. An entire generation was raised on those films. We were captivated by the lessons of standing up for what is right verses seemingly impossible odds. That a single person could face down evil by believing in the power inside them. The dialogue was corny, but honest. The characters were archetypes, but iconic. We could believe in the power of The Force to hold the universe together even when things seemed to be at their worst. Those stories became part of our culture and grew into a new American mythology.

When the announcement was made that we were going to receive the origin of the fairy-tale we loved so much directly from the Lucas, the High Priest himself , the anticipation was unbearable. I remember scores of twenty and thirty-somethings winding around the block waiting to once again feel the elation experienced by seeing the words “A New Hope” crawl across the screen.

We left the theatre dazed and confused. 

The epic struggle between good and evil was about... trade rights? 

(Don't forget teh moneys, yo.  And merch. --Liam)

You can determine who is the bad guy by hilariously awkward racial stereotypes?

(Well, the Black Minstrel caricature and the Greedy Hook-nosed alien with the guttural middle-eastern accent WHO IS OBVIOUSLY NOT MEANT TO BE JEWISH IN ANY WAY AT ALL weren't necessarily "bad," just the Flat-faced, nose-less, slant-eyed aliens what mixed up their "l" and "r" sounds WHO ALSO WEREN'T IN ANY WAY MEANT TO BE THE WORST ASIAN STEREOTYPE SINCE MICKEY ROONEY IN "BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S" --Liam)

The once-spiritual aspect of the Force is merely the result of an over-abundance of micro-organisms called "Midi-Chlorians" in people's cells??? 

(Obviously some Ritalin-addled mispronunciation of the "mitochondria" present in the cells of most living organisms.  Although my mitochondria never enabled me to pull a Jedi Mind Trick or engage in telekinesis. --Liam) 

The great hero we are supposed to empathise with is an obnoxious entitled brat who we know becomes...well.. evil? 

(Who was also the result of a virgin birth and came screaming out of the womb with the largest concentration of these space alien microbes ever witnessed in the known galaxy-- huh.  Guess cribbing off of Kurosawa's "The Hidden Fortress" can only take you so far. --Liam)

WAIT! 

Is the Empire the good guys? 

Are we the empire?

The disillusionment of an entire generation has consequences. Only time will tell.

(Yeah, and I don't expect we'll be getting a call from Lucasfilm anytime soon after this. --Liam)