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Never again be mocked for presenting 5 7 5 haiku with the wrong syllable count. LOL!
autumn woods-
only my memories
disturb the leaves
jp
Syllable count per se is not a crime; more of a limitation, if that's all you've got by spurious proxy.
Another thought on the side of 5-7-5 (see it cowering in a bombed out basement) is that this rhythm seems to me to be archetypal. I bet at the root of linguistics (and information transmission and storage generally in physics and elsewhere) there is a fistful of patterns which are the magic. Chomsky and his universal syntax expanded to the biblical Word, the blueprint of Creation.
Having mentioned that, it has to be better, surely, in most cases, to allow freestyle musical patterns to emerge instinctively; along with all the rest of any eureka! moment's se·quenc·ing.
jp 14-09-12
SHORT DISCUSSION
jp
5 7 5 is useful in schools for introducing children to language and poetic expression (for their own expression). So long as teachers know what they're doing they can move into more realistic ku as the child matures.
Otherwise it is what it is and disregardable.
The next problem is the showing (as a textually triggered sensate visualisation) aspect (rather than explaining verbally), for those who are getting there.
After the showing problem is sorting out, the problem becomes one of whether a given product is actually a haiku or an Imagist and/or Symbolist (a reaction against naturalism and realism) poetic 'snapshot'.
This term "snapshot" which is bandied about (with smug knowing smiles) is such a misnomer. Even my own "little movie" needs explained really; although at least with a movie we expect a story ('activity'); you know, rather than simply an inert still life of half a cabbage.
MUSE
The idea of ku text being the script of an inner film is maybe a useful thought. For it is the picture we watch, not the words on paper.
Crossroader
To pick up on one of the points you make: The "show not tell" aspect of haiku has been, for me, the most difficult to master. The Issa haiku below, which for some reason really resonated with me when it arrived in my mailbox this past week, is just so beautifully 'uncomplicated'! And yet, Issa is basically 'telling' us something, is he not? Rephrased one could put it like this: [I am] washing my laundry with my clothes on ... Dropping the implied [I am] does not change this!
washing my laundry
with my clothes on...
summer rain
-Issa, 1821
Taking a Basho haiku, randomly:
autumn night
dashed to bits
in conversation
- Basho
Again, Basho is telling us something. Rephrased: [it is an an] autumn night [it is] dashed to bits .... Where is the 'showing' in these two haiku?
I ask these questions to lead in to this: perhaps it's this 'show not tell' injunction in ELH that creates the difficulty for so many, and it should be DELETED from the text books! The 'telling' part is easier to understand and avoid. This is where unnecessary adjectives and description comes into play. Imagine if Issa had written this:
washing my dirty laundry
with my brown sackcloth clothes on ...
torrential summer rain
It just doesn't work as a haiku! But why not? Aha! Because all the adjectives and descriptors are irrelevant, and change the whole meaning of the haiku in this example ... that's why. Only by doing this little exercise does the meaning of 'show' become clear.
I think this also shows the difference between an imagist poem, and a haiku. The dirty laundry version is an example of the former (albeit a poor one)!
jp
Reading a hokku is the same as ex·pe·ri·enc·ing a eureka! fractional moment's se·quenc·ing. Being in the poise ('karumi') which allows both is needed or the right brain will not know what the left brain is doing, so to say. Letting go of words to enter the ku dream is a shift which modern peoples find difficult. The reason being that we live in a verbal world by habit of cultural diktat. This is why correctly practising ku is so good for the soul.
COMMENTARY
washing my laundry
with my clothes on...
summer rain
-Issa, 1821
Here we are invited by Issa to stand in the rain and wash our clothes like Issa. Washing one's car in the rain is very efficient (like having a shower), but for some reason draws silent amusement from the neighbours. That's how far away we are from the garden, having paved Paradise with newsprint.
autumn night
dashed to bits
in conversation
- Basho
Here we are invited by Basho to equate a stormy autumn night with a stormy literary conversation and are amused by Matsuo's predicament in the heated debate which is understated as a "conversation".
Both these examples have cued the imagery of a right brain (trope) sensate visualisation quite succinctly. We have had nothing substantial about either experience 'explained' (by telling). This commentary is an example of 'telling', whereby the content of the alluded sensory dream is outlined conceptually.
The reason for the lightness of 'karumi' is partially to do with the poise mentioned above. This poise is a delicate balancing act on the verge of a cliff. The cliff is logic and its symbolic language ('words'); the space beyond the cliff is the contrasting lightness of visualisation. Positioning ourselves on the liminal 'sword bridge' between left and right cerebral functions is the ideal. Like Janus, the two-face Roman god-form (as in January's old and new years), we stand on the threshold of a dream.
NOTE
As we move deeper in our meditations the aforementioned space becomes the next, albeit more subtle, 'cliff'. Each level of consciousness as we step up the 'ladder of songs' is that. When we have the flu (or whatever) these things are more obvious to left brainers' bondage to secondary thought and its virtual tyranny over intuitive visualisations.
-
washing my dirty laundry
with my brown sackcloth clothes on ...
torrential summer rain
- ZA
As you say, this is so burdened with concepts explained that the inner experience is drowned under the weight of torrential explanation. Everything has its inner-dream, but verbal minimalist transparency, enlightened by allusion, is the primary key of the engine which drives the magic of ku. Proportionality between text and vision, with vision as near to maximum as possible.
Karumi ('lightness') is the word. There are other applications of this term...
"A good poem is one in which the form of the verse and the joining of its parts
seem light as a shallow river flowing over its sandy bed."
- Basho
jp©
AFTERTHOUGHT
Matsuo also applied karumi (which is a common enough mystic practice) to squaring the circle of being a travelling hermit and engaging with the Floating World (ukiyo ) of Nippon society. I find this works up to a point and then one needs must recharge one's batteries in the silence.
They say that Basho went a little too far applying karumi to his versification; to the point where he was losing the people's attention with a 'drop-down menu' approach. So, he compromised. After all, if nobody can 'get it' the social tradition of haikai is gone with the wind.
Apparently, Basho tied his gate with morning glories (a traditional action) and switched off from society. It was karumi (lightness) which was his solution and so the gate was unlocked.
This is why we say, karumi has many applications. My own version of karumi is an innate compassion which expresses as kindness. (Not to be confused with the affectation.) Compassion as kindness is a fundamental and seamless state of global awareness. It may well be we all posses this as a fundamental baseline.
It is highly recommended that compassion as kindness be given dominion over all things. The illustration would be as we hold a baby. Only that in all things. However, don't worry - if you need to fight you most certainly will. ◠‿◠
jp©
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