penknife: B830
the first swallow
no bigger than a penknife
sharpens its wings
The swallow that flew to South Africa - and into the record books
It is 100 years since bird-ringing began [2009]. Michael McCarthy recalls the historic journey that revolutionised our understanding of winged migration. Nobody knew. Nobody dreamed. Nobody even considered the possibility that a bird the size of a penknife might fly 6,000 miles from South Africa to Britain every year, as a matter of course, and then fly back. . .
NOTE Swallows indicate late spring / early summer (depending on which calendar one uses). Let's say, heralds of summertime / signs of summer..They qualify as more than a simple seasonal reference, here in rainy England. They are a diverse cultural association matrix, a kigo (like Christmas).
jp 09-05-13
FRAGMENTS OF A THREAD
the first swallow
no bigger than a penknife
sharpens its wings
Evolved from an earlier ku. . .
on the wire
a swallow sharpens
its wings
Michael Dylan Welsh (God bless him) didn't recognise this early summer event (in Northern Europe). But what did surprise me was this remark:
Quote:
How does a bird “sharpen” its wings? Let alone do so on a wire? Preen, maybe, but sharpen isn’t accurate, or too metaphorical... MDW
Yes, this is indeed a ku (not a standalone hokku, well maybe - certainly a haiku, though). We use the term ku to avoid nternecine strife (it usually orks). Now, these days I play with all sorts of variants of style. However, one hing that is rarely (if ever) violated is seasonality and sensate visualisation the ku dream). To this extent I'm a haikai neo-classicist. Furthermore, one owes from direct experience - mostly embedded in the living landscape with a camera as well). Sometime I respond to other stimuli - why not? But, ostly it's ku walking (ginko) and direct apprehension. The swallow ku both of 'em) are pristine examples of that.
"The first swallow" is an early summer seasonal reference (in fact more than that, a kigo - because of its powerful cultural associations here in rainy England). Now, I saw this bird (traditional symbol of summer; as snowdrops are for early spring) up close and personal. Our swallows are definitely penknife-sized (I've even held one!). They live well traveled lives for about 4-8 years. Immortalised in a ku they have longevity only limited by Armageddon on Earth (but, longer in Akasha - of course).
We've covered seasonal reference (herald of summer; fresh from their winter holidays in sunny South Africa). After quite a lengthy journey (to nest in my ront porch again - but, not all of 'em!), the sharpening (or, re-sharpening) of wings would be (amusingly) a logical whimsy (albeit accurate enough). Those ings must have got blunted (ruffled) a bit getting back home (Johannesburg- ondon ---> miles: 5631.50 / kilometers: 9062.77).
Quote:
The haiku reads like a sentence as I read it aloud.
Correct, it's a drop down sentence ku. No cuts needed, other than line breaks. Each segment is standalone (a criteria of mine).
Quote:
don't see the need for the metaphoric L2,
Not a metaphor, a direct size comparison which doubles as a connotation that sets up the L3 punchline.
Quote:
A preening bird could appear to be sharpening its wings.
The swallow is literally sharpening its wings (by preening). Sharpening in the sense of adjustments for precision flight.
Quote:
spring return
a swallow sharpens
its wings
L1 is inaccurate - the swallow is a traditional early summer seasonal reference here in England (where you live). A few arrive early, but they're at their best in May. Hence the kigo. [It must be noted that climate change has swiveled the seasons about 2-3 weeks. For example, Wiltshire farmer's complain of deploying winter feed in August. So, no swallows here until May at the earliest these days.] The bird in the ku was sighted in May, 2010.
Swallows are THE traditional summer kigo in Northern Europe (especially UK). However, look at this can of worms and be spoiled for choice. . .
NORTHERN HEMISPHERE - SPRING
Celtic spring: (Imbolc) Feb 1st to April 30th
Meteorological spring: March 1st to May 31st
Astronomical spring: March 20th to June 20th
NOTE
The Japanese calender of the classical period is more or less the same as the Celtic. Many ancient peoples tended to use a ritual wheel, often geared to start at daily sundown and seasonal autumn (unlike modern solar deity preferences for daily sunrise and seasonal spring) . . . http://is.gd/celticwheel
drum roll. . .
spring is sprung
hi-hat crash!
◠‿◠
Quote:
Well, in my book, the spring months are March, April and May.
I follow the Celtic (hokku) calender (spring: Feb 1st to April 30th). To be fair, swallows are said to be: 'the first signs of summer'. The important thing to remember, though, is that these amazing little birds are a summer kigo (not a spring seasonal reference). That was my point. However, it must be said, "the first swallow" may be read as being on the cusp of spring/summer (referencing other "books"). So, that would validate your own suggested version. Let's compare what we have. . .
the first swallow
no bigger than a penknife
sharpens its wings
spring return
a swallow sharpens
its wings
Whilst I can see what you mean in L1 (second ku), it does seem a bit prosaic (you know, telling; rather that showing by implication). Furthermore, the loss of word-play in L2/L3 seems a sacrifice too far.
jp
John Potts (resident dogsbody)
I don't submit usually - but sometimes to see what's what. Here's a fun record of events for you all to
enjoy. . .
d. f. tweney started tinywords as a simple e-mail and SMS mailing list in mid-2000, adding a basic website shortly thereafter.
RE: [tinywords] submission declined
John Potts
17:17
To: tinywords edit team
Hi you lot
Dylan [F Tweny] favorited this proper haiku on Twitter - guess he got it wrong. I quite like it too! This was submitted to see what happened in terms of editorial proficiency. Imagine, the first swallow into rainy England, all the way from Africa. Traditional herald of British summertime. Now, it's got to be needing some preening (quite literally "sharpening") to get started on with the nesting. And this is what we saw. On the wire. And how casually precise was that bird after 6,000 miles of ocean and land mass and serious weather?
the first swallow
no bigger than a penknife
sharpens its wings
Be sure to check the interesting backstory here - to be simple amazed..
beautifulisness
(aka John Potts)
> To: sunbeam_village7@hotmail.com
> Subject: [tinywords] submission declined
> Date: Sat, 22 Jun 2013 11:23:16 +0000
> From: editors@tinywords.com
> CC: editors@tinywords.com
>
> beautifulisness,
>
> Thank you for sending the work below to tinywords. After considering it, we're sorry to say that it does not fit with our current needs.
>
> We wish you the best of luck submitting it elsewhere.
>
> If you've sent us other work separately, we'll respond to each submission individually.
>
> We ask your patience with these form messages, but it is part of a system that ensures every submission gets considered separately, and anonymously.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> The editors of tinywords
>
> Declined:
>
> the first swallow
> no bigger than a penknife
> sharpens its wings
>
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→ NOTE left the nice swallow's tails in the email body ＾し＾
http://is.gd/penknifeB830