pitter & patter

Clown and Tightrope Walker

Herbert Schondelmaier

A CONTACT CRITIQUED THE ABOVE MICROPOEM

partially between the raindrops

countless little creatures

with reflections

Indulge me in the continuation of the Haiga Rap, and the question of grammar and linguistics [:)]

First, let me say that I really like your imagist poem (sic) (and this morning's musings on Ezra and the Imagism). I do this not to pull it apart, but as an illustration of the point I was trying to make about English being a stress-timed language.

PARtially BEtween the RAINdrops

COUNTless LIttle CREATures

With reFLECTions

PARtially BEtween RAINdrops

COUNTless LIttle CREATures

with reFLEXions

Here I am not counting syllables, but stressing the timing. Drop "the" in L1, and the music flows.

L1 and L2 hold the meter, and then, in L3 a magical thing happens .... the stress changes, and you have your two-part poem absolutely naturally, without even a sign of punctuation!

You could have added EAch RAINdrop, or THE (in itallics to stress the difference between the and THE), but the as it is interrupts.

This is what I mean about "grammar", One doesn't have to always theorise, just listen.

Hope you don't mind?

Happy weekend musings :)

Pierrot and Harlequin

Paul Cézanne

MY REPLY

Yes, I had thought about options but (rightly or wrongly) decided on the length as priority for L1:

partially between the raindrops

countless little creatures

with reflections

The dropping of the article tends towards a tontoism which I always try to avoid (unless it's useful to have a staccato menu effect). Apart from needing line length, this would have been my choice, as you say:

partially between raindrops

countless little creatures

with reflections

I tried to avoid being too precious about the image and so eschewed particularizing each drop. Having said this it does amp up the surrealism:

partially between each raindrop

countless little creatures

with reflections

Although I intend to stick with my original American Splendour simplicity for the sake of L1 length in overall service to the formal balance of textual layout in this brief nature poem, it must be said that your thoughtful appraisal is not without merit. Both of the suggested redactions are good solutions. I will ponder this. Thanks for that.

also see

jp 22-06-12

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This musing is a living document and as such will develop - so, be sure to return regularly to this page, if you like. Not just to note any changes, but also to review the material in the light of your own understanding.

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