My Favourite Chair

It was Chris who asked: "Did you ever happen to have a particularly favourite chair?" I was at once intrigued not only by what seemed an irrelevant question but also by its somewhat redundant expression; but then Chris, like his question, was somewhat convoluted - another example, I thought, of language subtleties revealing, or betraying, the man.

He must have expected my response because he immediately cut in: "My next assignment in Architecture is to design and construct the ideal chair."

I laughed. "Got your bags packed for a visit to Hades?" I asked. "You'd do better going down there and asking Old Plato about the ideal chair, not me."

Chris grinned. "Yeah, the Prof can get a bit carried away at times. He did suggest that style and comfort were just two of the criteria we would need to take into account. I'm asking you because of your interest in antiques and style. You're a bit of my research."

"I don' quite see myself as a research item," I countered, "and I admit only to a passing interest in antiques. That interest is focused more on styles, periods and values, not on comfort. I can tell the difference between a Louis XIV and a Queen Anne, a Chippendale and a Hepplewhite, a William Morris or a Bauhaus style. I don't think your Prof would be interested in any of those. I can just imagine him looking down his nose and saying: "All together passé, my dear fellow. Concepts of Style and Comfort have moved on!" I should imagine he'd be rather more impressed by Danish- or Italian-based derivatives. As for comfort, it's probably the last thing I think of regarding chairs. I tend to perch myself anywhere handy rather than being fastidious as to comfort: it's a case of "Bottom up" and if possible, as I get older," Legs up".

"Mmm, that's an idea!" he enthused. "The ideal chair must take legs and bottoms into its Design concept."

"In more senses than one, young man! Many modern chairs do that already and frankly, at least aesthetically, they're a bloody abomination!"

"May I quote you on that? I'd leave out the 'bloody', of course."

"Why leave it out?” I objected. “I'd be in good company. Who was the artist who described modern Australian architecture as being "a bloody eyesore"? I'm sure your Prof would appreciate - though perhaps that's not the right word - the allusion."

"I'll footnote the quote and underline the 'bloody' so he can't miss it," Chris grinned.

"As to the ideal chair," I continued," there's more than the legs and bottoms, that is the human legs and bottoms, to be considered."

"Yes, Prof!" Chris gibed.

"We'll, there's the back, shoulders, and neck comfort - no, not your sort, Chris - to be considered in the design: the ergonomics, I think is the 'in' word. Good idea if you were to consult a chiro and/or a physio for their suggestions and even get them to critique your design. Then you should detail their comments and your subsequent design modifications. I'm sure the Prof would be impressed."

"We'll, there we go then!" Chris exclaimed. "You see, I was right to ask you, you old antique. I feel that half my assignment is already done!"

"Watch your mouth, young man, or I'll start charging Consultancy Fees. Anyway, that's not even the half of it. Wasn't it William Morris who insisted on Form as well as Function in the Design Process to which he added Materials, meaning the consideration of how best exploit the strengths and suitability of the fabricating materials."

"I think you've pretty well outlined the Function considerations," Chris drawled. "I'm sure you'll be very frank about the Form when I come up with my design. I know your affinity for a well-turned leg.

"Don't be cheeky, Chris," I said, "and there's no pun intended! Just be aware that instead of ‘a thumbs up’ I might very well give it a ‘bums down’."

"Either of those could be taken as a compliment, you know. Perhaps I can weasel out of any consultancy fee by creating your favourite chair for you!"

.

"You know, Chris, I wonder whether this Prof fellow dreamed up the project just with you in mind, seeing you're such a pain in the bum. Now, with all this fresh in your mind, I'd be off to begin writing up the design brief, if I were you."

I shut the door on him and winced. Whatever monstrosity my nephew came up with, I'd ever afterwards be expected to point it out as My Favourite Chair.