BENNIE

Have I told you about this bloke called Bennie? Met him the other day. He’s a laugher alright. Laughs any time of the day and what’s more he always has the last laugh. It annoys me no end. Y’see, his laughter can be quite deafenin’ at times but it’s the way he laughs that really gets my goat. It’s weird and spasmodic – I would even say it sounds strangulated, y’know, like one of them disjointed choirs singin’ the ‘Rites of Spring’ .

Yeah, he bunks down a few houses from me. Can always hear his laughter. I gets as cranky as a cut snake when that unthoughtful codger gets up at the crack of dawn and a monstrous peal of laughter comes vibratin’ through the air like an overhead jet – disturbin’ the neighbour hood and disruptin’ my sleep. Gee wiz, do I gets snaky with him. Feel like murderin’ the blighter. And, it’s the last thing I hear before I drops off to sleep again. Then wouldn’t you know it, he starts laughin’ all over again - this time with some of his mates in tow. He’s drivin’ me round the bend. I say a fair thing is a fair thing and it ain’t fair at that time of the mornin’. Makes me grumpy for the rest of the day.

He don’t care when he shrieks with laughter. Like a sonic boom zoomin’ overhead. Mornin’, noon and night. Only an uncouth bloke wouldn’t consider other people feelin’s, don’t ya reckon? It quite upsets me digestion, not to say, me sleep and me peace of mind. I was getting sick to the teeth listenin’ to his laughter so I tries to laugh with him but, like the pompous upstart that he is, he always outdoes me efforts. This bloke can outdo anyone I reckon with his laughter. Always longer and louder and what really gets me goat, he always gets the last laugh in. If there were competitions in the Olympic Games for laughin’, he would come away with the gold every time. Well, he was getting me dander up and runnin’ so I decided to tackle him face to face, so later on that day, I toddled down to Bennie’s.

You know, he looks normal really - a bit rotund - conservatively dressed. Looked a bit like me, really. Like ordinary normal sort of bloke. Nothing showy about him at all – but the thing that I did notice about Bennie was his mouth. It was huge and when he laughed, he would throw his head back, open his gigantic mouth and let out such an explosion of noise. I reckon the Yowie from the lagoon out the back would be scared stiff.

When I saw that mouth, I felt rather nervous tackling him about his noisy laughter because just as I approached him, one of his mates whispered somethin’ in his ear which resulted in one long shattering laugh. In fact, me whole body started to shake so much that I found it hard to waddle towards him. Timidly, I kept remindin’ myself that I ain’t no coward and, besides, I was there to complain and complain I would.

“Well, Bennie” I said, trying to stay cool, calm and collected, “I’m here to complain about your laughter. It wakes me and the whole neighbourhood up every single morning. I can’t sleep in, me meals are disrupted and stops me gettin’ to sleep of an evenin’. Why do you have to laugh? Why do you laugh at all? What’s so funny? Why, Bennie, why?”

Well, I said me piece and felt a lot better. Bennie looked me straight in the eye and, in pompous manner, proceeded to tell me the joys and pleasures he gets from laughter. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what was comin’. “Look,” he said, “laughter, you know young man, has a positive effect on ones health. The rhythm and tone of my laughter sets the rest of my day in good stead. See how physically healthy I am - and my spiritual health is also blessed. You should try it sometime. It will do you good. What’s more,” he added, “the social benefits are numerous. Haven’t you noticed how many of my friends I have who want to join me in laughter? We achieve great happiness from our laughter. It’s contagious.”

“But does it have to be so loud to disturb everyone?” I ventured.

“Now listen to me,” he said in a condescending manner, “My laughter is a ritual which I must practice every day. I have to practice how to project the quality of my sound, my pitch and loudness to be a success. I’m like an actor and my stage must have an audience. And, that my friend, is the neighbourhood. Laughter is my fate and yours too if you’ll only join in.”

“But” I tried to intervene.

“You are missing the point completely, young man, you will enjoy the experience if only you will try it. Laughter will release any tension you have and I can tell that you have quite a few. Nothing troubles me – nothing worries me when I laugh. Why don’t you join us to see the effect it has on you?”

Mullin’ over this little talk, I decided he was probably right. If yuh can’t beat them, join them. It’s me destiny alright. I tried a few more laughs and yeah, I did feel better and yeah, I was made for laughin’. Y’know, I am that someone who now, can laugh loudest and longest – that someone who now, always has the last laugh. Yeah, now I’ve joined Bennie and his mates and I’m that bloke who laughs last, laughs loudest, laughs longest and lives in a gum tree”.