Ballad of Calico Jack the Rat
1
This is the tale of a wandering mouse
A roistering rodent was he
Who scampered about from house to house
And plundered each larder with glee.
Chorus
Let us all sing of rich golden cheese
And celebrate loud in our song
Its nose- twitching please and taste-tempting tease
May Mice-memories savour them long.
2.
All this did happen when pirates were fashion
But the smartest by far was he,
Neat whisker and tail, fine clothes in addition
A regular Beau Brummel, you see
3.
His home was the docks of the Zuider Zee
Where ship-holds of Holland’s best cheese
Would temp him aboard for a life on the sea
Such life as this pirate would please.
4.
An army of mice he enrolled in a trice
A rollicking voracious band
All agreed that a life with cheese would be nice
And cheerfully departed their land.
5.
“Our goal,” quoth he, “ain’t pieces of eight”
(Excited, his grammar forgot!)
“Our treasure we measure in cheeses we’ve ate,
*We don’t value doubloons a lot”
6.
They nibbled each cheese and sipped at each tun
What a life aboard ship they did lead
They caroused and they gorged, each night it was fun
They agreed this/was the life indeed.
7.
It was not many weeks till the cook cottoned on
That his stores were beginning to shrink
So a plan before long in his mind did he con
But of the cunning of mice didn’t think.
8.
He carefully placed then three of his traps
Just outside the door/of his larder.
To tempt out our friends of cheese he used scraps
Only the ship’s old biscuits were harder.
9.
The mice all turned up their nose at this stuff
They’d feasted on only his best.
Of ways into larder they knew quite enough
The trap was for them but a jest.
10.
Alas one who’d drunk too much from the tun
When staggering back to his bed
That trap it was sprung:”Oh, my leg is all done
But don’t please leave me for dead!”
11.
They plied him with rum and then cut him free
This painful procedure now over
They fitted a stump, post surgery see
And renamed him Peg-leg the Rover.
“For war is declared ‘twixt them and me !
My biggest of traps will I fix.
With choicest of cheese ‘twill baited be
And none will escape with their tricks
14.
Now that rich creamy cheese was such tempting fare
The mice quickly gathered around
Cried Peg-leg the Rover; “The trap beware.”
But our hero: “The solution I’ve found.”
15.
“Just hoist me up on a stretcher net
With a rope over pulleys hung.
And lo, when o’er the cheese I am set
Then I’ll drop this lead on it bung!.
16.
The chief and the lead were a ponderous weight
But they hauled at their massive load
All knew on their might depended his fate
And that on him their own future rode.
17.
Let’s think for a while of this daring scene!
The chief on his perilous perch
Now hov’ring cheese and the trap between
All hearts in their mouths at each lurch.
18.
At last he is over the target exact.
A moment he gathers his right
Then launches his load; the rope yanks back
He’s clear of the snapping jaws bite!
19.
Oh long do they celebrate into the night
And feast on that scrumptious cheese
To their hero they sing of his courage bright
They ‘ll follow where ‘ere he lead!
20
But that is not quite the end of this song
For all at the very/ next port
The ship they left, marching off in a throng
For of cheese and vitals there was nought.
21
For all of us here the moral is clear:
Don’t mess with mice such as these!
Most carefully secure any edibles, hear?
Especially those that are cheese!
12.
The cook/when he saw that the trap was sprung
Cursed loudly and luridly long:
“I’ll see those mice from the yard-arm swung
Those dastardly partners in wrong !
13.