Celine Snail

Just imagine. Me! Celine Snail. My name up in lights. My name on the billboards. My photo outside the grand Covent Gardens Theatre telling the world that this gastropod from the antipodes will be the prima ballerina in the famous ballet “Swan Lake”. If only my mother, father and numerous siblings could see me now as I nervously wait in the wings for the orchestra to start the overture, how proud they would be. I think that I will have a little nibble on the corner of the billboard. Just to settle my nerves. Now for a little stretch to loosen the foot muscle.

I have practiced diligently and exercised my foot muscle to get the rhythm just right for tonight’s performance. At the bar the teacher called “contract, expand, contract, and expand,” until the rhythm for me was second nature. You may think that I’m dancing at a snail pace. Well I am, that is what a snail does best. I can dance over any surface. Glide, glide, glide and stop. I even stop for a little nibble here and there. I have to keep my energy levels up. I can even dance upside down. That is the reason that I’m here tonight as there are not too many ballerinas who can perform as I do.

I have been likened to Dame Margot but her grand jetes do not even compare to mine. I would rather be compared with Anna Pavlova. The Russians are the best dancers in the world. I remember seeing Anna Pavlova dance once. She had artistic polish balanced with style. Her rond de Jambe had me in such a spin that my centre of gravity was compromised and I nearly fell off a leaf. I also have heard that Rudolph Nureyoff would like to partner me. He is Russian too. I wonder if my ancestors migrated from Russia on the side of a pot plant! I have such a talent for ballet, you see. Nureyoff wants me to go to Paris to dance with him but I have some doubts and reservations about going as I’ve heard that they are somewhat cannibalistic there. I don’t think that it would be a very good idea, do you? A famous ballerina being presented on a dinner plate, cooked!

I’m dancing the part of Odette and Odile. Odette is the enchanted princess who is a swan by day and by night changes back to her human self. Odile tricks Prince Siegfried into thinking that she is Odette. Oh! It is all very complicated. I’m complicated too. I, Celine Snail, can be quite emotional at times. I can change with the weather. I just do not want to dance in dry weather. I just retreat into myself and sulk. I will stay in my shell until moisture lures me to emerge and to dance once again. Then, my inner feelings are unleashed and I’m happy. The rhythm in my foot muscles returns and I want to waltz and pirouette on the next leaf I see.

Well, here I am in a very moist Covent Garden’s Theatre. It seems to rain constantly in England so I’m ready to dance and to dazzle the audience with my brilliance and beauty. My costume is so feminine and suits me perfectly. I’m wearing a white tutu around my mantle, a very pale pink toe shoe fits snugly on my one foot and a feathery swan crown sits regally on my head between my eyestalks and my tentacles. My makeup has been very carefully applied. Eye shadow, eye liner, and mascara accentuate my beautiful eye stalks while rouge and lipstick add to that special glow that is mine alone. I know that now I am ready to dance the part of the Odette.

Colin the caterpillar is to partner me tonight in the pas de deux. His costume is magnificent. How handsome he looks in his emerald green suit with yellow and black spots along each side! The way he arches his back and the way I glide will make this performance the ballet of the century. Never before will an audience be so privileged to witness such a sight. We really are poetry in motion.

The orchestra has started tuning their instruments. I dearly love that sound. The praying mantis has made his appearance to a loud roar from the audience. I am so excited. The conductor taps his baton and the overture begins. Blow flies and mosquitos buzz while the cicadas harmonise with the crickets. Tchaikovsky’s music sends my head and eyestalks into a spin. When I’m nervous my eyes retract into my eyestalks. Oh dear! I will ruin my make-up. I must not be nervous. I will take a deep breath and nibble on a leaf near by. That makes me feel better. I’m relaxed once again and my eyes have popped out. I look into a puddle of water and see that my make-up is perfect. At last I’m ready. Colin is ready. Let the dance begin.

The curtain raises and I hear Ta-a, ta, ta-te, ta-a-a, te-ta. This is my big moment. But I’m worried about the cricket. Can he keep in time? Will he keep in time? Can he keep his mind on the performance? If he fails, I know that the Blowflies and Mosquitos will do their best to disguise his lapse in attention. Now, is my big moment and I cannot worry about the cricket. As I glide onto the stage I leave a silvery trail. The audience is wild with excitement as I pirouette on my one foot. They clap and cheer and flowers are thrown at my foot. This really spurs me on to higher things and, with grace and charm, I dance with my tentacles swaying from side to side or going in opposite directions. As I arabesque on one foot, the corps de ballet looks on with amazement. I manage to perform a grand jete that Dame Margot would love to achieve. Well, not quite in mid air but my foot is beautifully straight, nevertheless. Did you hear that applause? I’m the darling of Covent Gardens.

Now is the time for the pas de deux. Colin and I are resplendent and polished as we dance alone onstage. As he arches his back, I glide towards him in the classical style. We keep in perfect unison. The audience gasps with amazement. I swing each eye stalk to either side and then around in circles. Swing, swing and circle. I keep my many eyes on the audience and I like what I see. They are captivated by us! Colin dances so daintily on each of his many feet never faltering or tripping over. Tap, tap, tappity, tap as he attempts a grand jete. If only this moment could last forever. It is our flawless ease of movement and our expressive style which demonstrates our artistry. What a spectacle! Our years of training and dedication have paid off. “Bravo, bravo”, the audience cries as the ballet finishes. Again flowers are thrown at my foot. “Encore, encore” they shout and we dance again for them. Slide, slide arch. Ten curtain calls are taken. Colin bows while I curtsey. We are the stars of the ballet world. Exhausted but happy we retire to our dressing rooms to read the reviews and to nibble on the flowers and newspaper.