The Challenges of Friendship
HEALTH EDUCATION - Lesson 4 - Week 4/10
Mental, Social & Emotional Health (4)
HPE Lesson Plans - Health - KHE, 1HE, 2HE, 3HE, 4HE, 5HE
Safety | Mental, Social & Emotional Health | Substance Abuse & Disease Prevention | Growing Up Healthy
L1: Learning About Yourself| L2: We All Have Needs | L3: We All Have Feelings | L4: The Challenges of Friendship | L5: Working with Others | L6: Families Meet Their Needs | L7: Families Work Together | L8: Take Another Look - 9 SEL | L9: Changing Your Mind - 14 SEL | L10: Saying It Respectfully - 17 SEL
Mental, Social & Emotional Health
The Challenges of Friendship
See below for the following:
Standard(s), Essential Question(s), Big Idea(s)
LEARNING TARGET / SUCCESS CRITERIA
I will recognize shared interests, goals, and values as factors in friendship.
I will identify and practice effective strategies for resolving conflicts using negotiation and compromise.
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PRE-INSTRUCTIONAL ACTIVITY
Vocabulary
conflict - a disagreement that occurs when people have different needs or wishes
conflict resolution - the solving of problems you and someone else might have
negotiate - work together to resolve a conflict
compromise - a solution that considers everyone's feelings and ideas
OPENING (Engage)
Main Idea
Learning how to solve problems with friends is an important skill.
Why Learn This?
You can use the ideas in this lesson to help you be a good friend.
WORK PERIOD (Explore/Explain/Extend/Elaborate)
READ: The Challenges of Friendship
Can you remember a time when you and your friends were sure you would be friends forever, but something happened and suddenly you weren't speaking to each other? It might help to know that all friendships have problems, especially friendships among people your age. You and your friends are changing. You are learning more about who you are and what you like and dislike. It's all right if you and your friends sometimes disagree.
There are many important questions to ask about friendship. How do you choose and keep your friends? What qualities do you like in a friend? Do you have different kinds of friends in different places? How do you and your friends solve disagreements?
Friendships can be very challenging. And like other skills, the art of making and keeping friends improves with practice.
Why are friendships valuable?
What is it about having friends that makes all the problems worth it? For one thing, friends satisfy our need to belong to a group. We all need to feel cared for, and it is usually our friends, along with our families, who encourage us and help us feel good about ourselves.
You may meet new friends through shared interests. You and your friends may be members of the same sports team or scout troop. Being involved in the same activity is a good basis for friendship because your shared interest can help you stay together even when you have problems. You may become friends with other boys and girls in your class after working together on a school project. Working with other people helps you get to know each other better. You may learn that you share other interests, too. You may also meet a friend because you have the same goal.
What qualities do you like in a friend? What kind of friend are you? Do you and your friends like having different opinions and ideas at times? Do you and your friends forgive each other easily? Can you be silly as well as serious with your friends?
You can have different friends in different places. You may have friends that you see only in school, another group of friends that you play ball with on Saturdays, and one or two best friends. With different groups of friends you can express different parts of yourself. Your friends in music class may know you as the serious piano player, but your juggling partners may know you as the funniest person in the group.
How do friends solve problems?
What causes problems between you and your friends? Do you feel jealous when your friend spends time with someone else? Does your friend get mad when you disagree with him or her? Do you feel bad when your friend says something untrue about you to another friend? Does your friend get mad at you when you won't let her or him borrow your new bike?
No matter how strong your friendships are, sometimes you and your friends will have conflicts. A conflict is a disagreement that occurs when people have different needs or wishes. Even you and your best friend may have conflicts at times. Although it is normal to disagree, you can learn how to solve the problems you and your friends may have. This is called conflict resolution (KAHN*flikt reh*zu*LOO*shuhn). The skills you use to solve your problems now also can help you solve problems when you're an adult.
One way to solve problems is to make agreements ahead of time about how you and your friends will deal with problems. One group of friends came up with the friendship rules shown in the chart below. What rules would you change or add?
CHART - Our Friendship Rules
Don't talk behind each other's back.
Tell the truth.
Set up a time to talk about problems.
Listen carefully to each other.
Avoid hurtful comments and put-downs.
Don't fight.
You and your friends can agree to negotiate when there are problems. When people negotiate (nih*GOH*shee*ayt) they work together to resolved their conflict. Negotiation often results in a compromise (KAHM*pruh_myz), or a solution that considers everyone's feelings and ideas. Suppose you and a friend argue over which game to play at recess. You negotiate and reach a compromise. You and your friend agree to play one of the fames this recesss and the other game next recess.
What else can you do when you when you and a friend disagree?
Ignore it! Ignoring something small is an easy way to avoid a problem.
Laugh. It is hard to stay angry when you and a friend are laughing together.
Take a break. Everyone needs time away from friends now and then. Taking a break may give both of you a chance to make new friends. Then later maybe all of you can be friends!
Say you're sorry. Sometimes you do or say something that makes a friend feel bad. You can talk to your friend, write a note, or do something to let him or her know that you're sorry. If your friend does something that makes you feel bad and later apologizes to you, forgive him or her. Forgiveness is an important quality in a friend.
Learning to solve problems you have with friends makes you feel good about yourself. It increases your self-respect to know that you are growing up and can accept responsibility for yourself and your actions.
Who can help when friendships don't work?
You and your friends may be able to take care of most disagreements by yourselves. Still, there may be times when you need help solving a problem.
A friend may ask you to do something that doesn't feel right to you. Remember that a true friend will no want you to do something that goes against your values or family rules. It's important to stand up for what you believe in, even if it means that you lose a friend or are not popular. If you've said no to a friend because something didn't feel right to you, you should be very proud of yourself. It means you are taking responsibility for yourself.
It doesn't feel good when your friends are angry with you. Have your friends ever been mad at you because you did not go along with something they wanted you to do? It can be hard to tell your friends that you don't agree with them. But there's nothing wrong with having an opinion different from that of your friends.
If a problem with a friend has lasted for a long time, or if you have been unable to talk to your friend about the problem, you may want to ask an adult to help you. A parent or other family member, a teacher, a school counselor, or another trusted adult may be able to advise you. An adult can help you reach a solution that both you and your friend can agree on.
CAREER - School Counselor
What They Do - School counselors help students with many different problems. They are part of the team that helps students stay safe at school.
School counselors are good listeners. If you have a problem at school or at home, you can go to your school counselor for help. Counselors help students solve their own disagreements. They can bring students together and help them negotiate a compromise to a problem.
Education and Training
In most states, school counselors must have a four-year college degree plus one or two years of training in counseling. Many states also require a teaching certificate or teaching experience. Some counselors are psychologists who have an advanced college degree.
REMEMBER...Learning how to solve problems with friends is an important skill. You can use the ideas in this lesson to help you be a good friend.
CLOSING (Evaluate)
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Standard(s)
HE4.4a – describe effective negotiation skills to manage or resolve conflict
HE4.4b – demonstrate skills that communicate care, consideration, and respect of self and others, including those with disabilities
HE4.5a – explain a situation that may require a thoughtful health-related decision
HE4.5b – determine when help is needed to make a health-related decision
HE4.5c – indicate healthy alternatives to health-related issues and problems
HE4.5d – describe the possible consequences of each option when making a health-related decision
HE4.5e – determine a healthy choice when making a decision
Essential Question(s)
What do you think helps people be friends?
What does it mean to forgive a friend who has hurt you in some way? Does it mean that you must forget the hurtful act occurred?
What are situations in which it is very important to express any disagreement with someone else that you may have?
Big Idea(s)
Some of the ways people become and remain friends are by sharing interests, sharing goals, working together, taking on different roles in different groups, and being able to forgive.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said forgiveness does not mean ignoring what has been done. It means rather, that the act no longer remains as a barrier to the relationship. He explained that it is important to recognize the hurtful act never expresses all the person is, and he reminded us that an element (part) of goodness may be found in everyone -- even in our worst enemy.
If someone is trying to get you to do something that is wrong or unsafe, it is very important to express your disagreement with them to protect your safety and stand up for your own beliefs and values.
RESOURCES / INSTRUCTIONAL MATERIALS
see below
DCSD Board-Approved Instruction Materials
Your Health: Teacher's Edition - Grade 4. Harcourt Brace & Company. 1999.
Technology
Chromebook
large video screens for whole-class viewing
sound system for sharing of audio