When You Say You Do

When You Say You Do - Written by Marisa Palacios

In a 1978 New York Times article, author Les Ledbetter reports on the trial between Greta Rideout and her husband John Rideout who she is pursuing charges against for beating and raping her. John claims he did strike her, but did not rape her, though even if he did, doing so is his constitutional right (Ledbetter, 1978). The same article cites the 1736 document from Judge Mathew Hale who claims, "But the husband cannot be guilty of a rape committed by himself upon his lawful wife, for by the mutual matrimonial consent and contract the wife hath given up herself in this kind unto the husband which she cannot retract"(Ledbetter, 1978). Fortunately for Greta, John Rideout became the first man in U.S. history to be charged with raping his wife while they still lived together.

When reading more and more reports about the suffering these women had to go through with no help from the justice system, I could not help being infuriated. After those emotions passed, I could only empathize with the women. Not only Greta, but every woman who ever fell victim to the man they loved. I could not imagine the turmoil of knowing these heinous acts were done by the person they were supposed to find safety in, who they are supposed to find peace and happiness in; who they likely had a beautiful honeymoon phase with.

When I composed this poem, I put myself in their shoes. In my opinion, to marry someone is to move forward as a unit. When I envision marrying my partner, I know I "lose" a bit of myself, but only because I like us better than being by myself. I lose myself in their charming eyes and loud laughter, but it is hardly a loss because it feels like home, because it is what is supposed to happen. The butterflies perish when I find out my human right to consent is lost in the marriage license. Now suddenly I do not want to get lost in conversation. I do not want to get lost in love. How can I say I do? Does he know what I lose when he says he does?

When You Say You Do, is for every woman before the 1993 eradication of martial rape exceptions; for those who were victims of spousal rape, and those who knew what they were sacrificing when agreeing to marriage.

References

By LES LEDBETTER Special to The New,York Times. (1978, Dec 26). Oregon wife due to testify in spouse-rape case: Constitutional right is cited ruling in 1736 document wife's motives in question. New York Times (1923-) Retrieved from http://login.ezproxy1.lib.asu.edu/login?url=https://www.proquest.com/historical-newspapers/oregon-wife-due-testify-spouse-rape-case/docview/123540518/se-2?accountid=4485