Inspirations

Rainbow

     I often get inspired while I’m driving and listening to music. It’s an odd combination I don’t get when I simply sit and listen. When I’ve got music on while I’m cooking, it’s strictly background and my focus is on work. Same when I have it on while I…well, work. But in the car something magical happens. The words seem to seep into my consciousness. I sometimes find real inspiration in these moments. For example I was driving when I suddenly realized Sasha’s story wasn’t over simply because he was dead. I don’t even remember what song was playing, just that Oleg Federov’s Third Chance came into being as I drove down Randol Mill Rd. Sometimes it’s more about clarity. Earlier this year I was writing Kala’s book—No More Spies. It was going well, but there was something missing. I can’t tell you a character I’ve felt more connected to in a long time. There is a lot of me in Kala, both good and challenging. But I hadn’t found what I wanted to say to this piece of myself. Sure I wanted to give her a happily ever after, but with Kala I am so very aware of how our stories don’t end with the last chapter of how we got together. She will face a lot. She will struggle. 

    And then I’m driving home from brunch with Chloe. It’s a thing we do every Thursday. She’s a pancake-aholic and needs her fix. I’m driving us back and I’ve been really into Kacey Musgraves new album Deeper Well. After it’s over Spotify plays “Rainbow.” I’ve certainly heard it before, but this moment I really listened. And I found what I wanted for my heroine. 

    It’s about being stuck. So often when we’ve been through trauma it’s hard to realize it’s safe again. As the song says—we get stuck in the same storms. We hold on to the things that once kept us safe. In this case the umbrella. The problem is the umbrella blocks not only the rain, but the sun and stars and the beauty around us if we never are able to put it down. When we can’t get out of protective mode, we miss simple comforts. We can miss love.

    I was so struck I turned to Chloe—who is absolutely used to me crying at seemingly random times—and told her I finally understand. What Kala needs to hear. 

   What I need to hear. 

    It’ll all be all right. 

    Give this beautiful song a listen and maybe you’ll find some inspiration, too.

Book mentioned:

No More Spies