There are many things that may support you when you are feeling down:
Journaling. Expressing your state allows you to observe it, instead of identifying with it.
Somatic work - being in your body, breathing, meditation - also with the intention to observe your state instead of identifying with it.
Listen to music - music naturally may change your state
Distract yourself - do a routine or a ritual, find people to talk to, etc.
Another thing that is challenging is that it may seem like it will never get better. How do you turn it around?
Use your past experience. You know you've got out of this before. You'll get out of it now
Read your past journal entries, see how you've changed, what you've accomplished, see things in perspective
It’s common to feel anxious when you think you’re not good enough or compare yourself to others. However, fear doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Sometimes, you need to “do it scared”—the fear might not go away, but you can still move forward.
One way to ease this anxiety is to enjoy being bad at something. Embracing your current skill level allows you to participate without pressure. For example, experts in sign language don’t judge beginners harshly; they appreciate the effort and joy of sharing the space. Similarly, accepting where you are helps you engage with life fully and focus on learning rather than comparison.
I don't want to invite my friend to a birthday, but I know she will be upset, and we have a lot of common school work that we do together, what do I do?
You don't need to suffer on your birthday. So you have two options:
Don't invite your friend and have a clean up conversation later
Change your story that your friend isspoiling the birthday - come up with a different story.
Repare conversation
Take 1.
- I just wanted to invite my closest friends, so I didn't invite you, let's do something else together
- Sure...
Birthday boy:
Feeling: fearful, anxious
Need: Friendship, connection, understanding
Friend:
Feeling: Rejected, confused, inferior
Need: Friendship, validation
Avoid:
Excuses
Making up for messing up
Saying "painful truth"
Instead, come from the place of love and understanding. And have capacity to be with another person's pain.
Take 2
- You probably saw my instagram, i had a small thing for my birthday, And I apologize for not inviting you, it must really hurt... How are you feeling about all of this?
- I was pretty annoyed that you didn’t invite me, i thought it would be fun time, but since you said it was small, I appreciate you telling me, I am not too upset about it. I appreciate you being open, let’s hang out soon.
If you come with intention of love and compassion, there are no words that can be hurtful. By asking "how are you feeling" you show the other person that you are actually curious what they experience right now and you have the capacity to be with whatever they experience. Also, by not avoiding the painful part of the conversation, you show to the other person that they are strong and capable of dealing with the pain.