EI for Young Adults: Discussion 31

Burning Man

Burning man is an event that challenges status quo and based on the following 10 principles: https://burningman.org/about/10-principles/

Highlights from Burning Man:

• It is easy to do whatever you want in the environment where everybody is encourages you to do whatever you want. However in everyday life it's hard because there are responsibilities and self constraints. How does one keep their attention on what they really want in their everyday life without getting carried away by their responsibilities and social norms?

• There are reevaluation of values that happens after the Burning man. All things that seemed significant and important seem no longer important. However the importance may gradually come back

• Being exposed to different self expressions and life styles really helps to remove biases. One stops judging other people and accepts what is

• The ability to enjoy or value the current moment ("Immediacy principle") allows one to stay away from FOMO and to accept and go along with whatever comes their way.

Going out with the ex's friend

I am not on good terms with my ex and I want to go out with their friend. How can I do it to avoid extra friction?

If you don't want to do it behind your ex's back you may want to make a request. Remember a request is just a strategy and be ready to get a no. A request may look something like this:

I know we haven't been on good terms and I don't want to cause you any discomfort. I would like to go out with your friend. I think we could benefit from each other friendship, and I recognize that you may not be happy about it, so I will respect your decision, whatever it may be.

If you do get a no, then consider other strategies

• Not pursue this friendship any longer

• Going behind your ex's back

• Telling your ex about your decision to go out regardless of what they think

How do you perceive your age?

As young adults we are torn between the two identities:

A kid. I have a right to explore and figure things out. It's okay not to know what my career is supposed to be and how I am going to support myself. I appreciate spontaneity and innocence. I want my parents to take care of me when I need it.

An adult. I am wise, interesting, intellectual, independent. I am respected.

Both of these identities have right to be and we don't have to lose our 'kid' as we grow older. One example of being 'a kid' is the freedom to be, for example coming to a person you like and asking them if they would want to be your friends. This works because you are direct and vulnerable by doing it, and if the person doesn't appreciate it, maybe you don't want to be their friend.

Homework: come to someone you like and tell them: I really like you, can we be friends?