EI for Young Adults: Discussion 34

Resetting relationships

We are responsible for our wellbeing. Sometimes we feel like our existing relationships are not supporting us and it's time to reset. Dropping relationships may be challenging, especially if other people see us as friends but we no longer wants to be friends with them. It is also painful for us, because whether we like it or not, we get attached to people in our lives and without them there is a hole that needs to be filled. 

Here are things that may help if you are resetting your relationships:

1. Understand your needs and communicate them. You don't want people to wonder why you suddenly are not communicating to them. It is fair to them if you express that at this point of your life you want to focus on yourself and need some space from them.

2. Build self foundation. Find things that will support you. You may get lonely. Rituals and habits are important, they can keep you afloat, for example, daily meditation, walks, being grateful for what you have in your life. When we feel lonely we may fall into a victim mode, feeling not in control of our emotional state, feeling lost. Our habits and rituals allow us to feel in control of our environment. 

3. Have space for new relationships. Imagining abundance of love and connection will allow you to keep your heart open for new relationships to come. It may take a conscious effort, because there may be a tendency to fall into a victim mode: nobody needs me, etc.

Do you like me?

I had a crush on this guy but wasn't very expressive about it, but then I wrote him a text expressing how I feel about him. I got a confusing short response in return and now I don't know if he likes me or not

Bringing up that you are attracted to the other person and not knowing how they feel about you takes courage and vulnerability. We really hate to be rejected. But what do we do when we are not sure how to interpret the response we get?

It takes even more courage to talk to someone in person, especially after the mixed signal you get over text. Make sure your intention is clear:

1. Is my intention to express the way I feel?

2. Is my intention to be heard and understood?

3. Is my intention to get the person to like me?

Remember, you can express your feelings and needs and you can request something of the other person (e.g. request to be heard, or request to get closer). Our request is our attempt to meet our needs (e.g. the need to be understood, or the need for connection), but the person has a right to say no and then it's up to us to find a different strategy to fulfill our need.

So, in order to have an effective communication with another person:

1. Have a clear intention

2. Have courage

3. Express your feelings, needs and your request clearly

4. Allow the person to decline your request and be prepared to deal with it.