EI for Young Adults: Discussion 40

Setting expectation about how your operate

I am very sensitive to other people's energies and get overpowered by their communication and shut down. 

We are all different and to be most effective and engaged we need our own communication style. Why not be open about it and set expectation about how you operate at your best, for example,

• I need more time to process what you are saying, so if I am silent it doesn't mean I am ignoring you, I am still processing, please have patience 

• I have a weird relationship with time, it disappears for me, and then I am late, please keep this in mind and support me if something needs to happen at a specific time

The most important thing: stay in your energy, pay attention to your needs. If you are a people pleaser it's hard to focus on what you need and to communicate it to others, especially if it may inconvenience people. Still it's the best thing you can do for yourself.

Speaking with intention

Sometimes I feel like I am too open to people. I talk about how I used to be and they start seeing me how I used to be, but I change, and as a result they have inaccurate perception of me

This may happen when we are not clear about our intention for the conversation.

Is it about connection? Self expression? Shared reality? 

What need do you want your conversation to fulfill?

Once you get clarity, you can have more control over what you say and what you don't. While we don't have to communicate our intention explicitely, sometimes it may help, as well as communicating your concerns.

I want to share something but I am concerned you will start seeing me a certain way and it's limiting. But it's important for me to be authentic with you. Can you try to be open to all the ways I can show up, and not limit by this one incident?

What about other people's intentions?

Sometimes we hear a friend talking and we are wondering, what's the intention behind it. If you are unclear, do ask. It's likely they are not clear about it themselves, but by asking you can help them get some clarity.

Subconsciously we always have an intention, and it tells us who we want to talk to. But consciously understanding it makes it easier and more efficient.