EI for Young Adults: Discussion 30

Reassembling life

Sometimes we are at a point of our life where we want to get a fresh perspective into who we are and what we are doing. The following tips may be helpful:

• Reapproaching life from different perspective

• Question all beliefs, my career

• Reestablishing new things, giving myself a lot of space to think about it

• Friendship, communication, how come I started having these values?

• What if I had a different life? Am I living my life? Am I being passionate about what I am doing

• What kind of life am I living in the past 3 years. Almost no good memories. It’s not me. I am not excited about what I am doing, in general as a person.

• Rediscovering some parts of myself that I forgot about.

• Hitting rock bottom. Sometimes we can't get up until we fall.

Losing a best friend

Sometimes friendships end, and it's very painful. 

• Losing best friend makes you question your entire life. You don’ have somebody you can go to. It turns your attention inward, making sure that you are happy with where you are in life and you are not using relationship to distract yourself. 

• When I had a best friend I used relationship not to confront things in my life. Going through the process what I see for myself, what I see as possible for myself. I can recognize what framework I’ve been using for my life and how it’s been limiting what I see is possible, e.g. I am not a fun person. I don’t have good social skills, I am not interesting to people. 

• Love yourself before other people, because if you love other people you will love them for what they provide for you, not for who they are. You want to learn to be self sufficient

When I lose a best friend I lose a part of myself. I miss things that were there before

• Shared sense of humor

• Lost a person who makes me feel like a child. I lose my sense of innocence and bliss. I become more of an adult

• As soon as I am not occupied I start feeling alone. Don’t know what I am doing with my life.

Grieving

It is important to give yourself time to grieve when you lose your friend. Don't shove the pain away. Allow yourself to be with it, to feel it. Come up with a ritual to help you process your grieve (for example, burn a letter from your friend, or write a letter, whatever you thin makes sense)

Going out with the ex's friend

I am not on good terms with my ex and I want to go out with their friend. How can I do it to avoid extra friction?

If you don't want to do it behind your ex's back you may want to make a request. Remember a request is just a strategy and be ready to get a no. A request may look something like this:

I know we haven't been on good terms and I don't want to cause you any discomfort. I would like to go out with your friend. I think we could benefit from each other friendship, and I recognize that you may not be happy about it, so I will respect your decision, whatever it may be.

If you do get a no, then consider other strategies

• Not pursue this friendship any longer

• Going behind your ex's back

• Telling your ex about your decision to go out regardless of what they think

How do I know I am real?

How do I know I am real? It's not a question we normally ask, but those of us who had lucid dreams may start wondering - it seems that in my dream I am not real, because I can wake up. How do I know I am real in this world, and what would it mean to wake up from my reality?

We are not talking about death here, but about our model of the world that makes us perceive ourselves a certain way. In my dream I may have a very different model of the world and I usually don't question myself whether I am real. Only upon waking up I realize how bizzare my dream might have been and how silly it was not to question my reality. What if our existing reality is as silly as it is in the dream, and we don't think of questioning it?