EI for Young Adults: Discussion 23

Finding balance in life

#1 female tennis player says that when she notices she is no longer reading books it means her life is no longer in balance. 

How do we know when our lives are out of balance? When we study too much or not taking care of something important to us?

We all may have different patterns

• focusing on work -> burnout -> focusing on work -> burnout. This is not a very healthy pattern. We don't want to get to the burnout.

• Feeling depressed for no reason

• Feeling unproductive -> maybe it's time to take a break and do another activity. 

How do you know when you are out of balance? And what do you do to address it?

For example, I've been focusing too much on doing tasks, and I realized I am not a robot, there are other things in life besides tasks. I allow myself to watch TV series, and then I'll get back to my tasks. My tasks will never end, and if I am not mindful of that I'll spend my whole life doing tasks.

Can't find buddies to hang out with

Friends fulfill various needs, the specific need discussed here is

• Having somebody to talk to every day

• Having somebody to have fun with and laugh around

Here are some considerations in finding buddies.

1. Sometimes what stops us is experiencing the scarcity. "There are no people I like in my university" Imagine instead that there is abundance of possibilities to find buddies whose company you would enjoy. Notice what you manifest in your reality.

2. Are you conflicted? The reason you don't have your buddies yet is because something works for you better by not having buddies. You could have more time for yourself, you could put more into studying, or hanging out with them would imply coming home very late, which could be dangerous, or it could impact on your amount of sleep. So see if you are conflicted, and how to make sure that other things important to you are not jeopardized.

3. What do you say to yourself about meeting new people? Notice your disempowering stories. Like, "nobody wants to talk to me", "I am weird, I am boring, etc" Question these beliefs, is it really true? Change your stories. "I am fun to be around", etc. If you have hard time believing that, try affirmations. Try telling it yourself in the mirror, or writing it on paper.

4. What do you want to have buddies for? Get clarity about what you want. Buddies can satisfy many needs. It's important to understand what needs are you trying to satisfy. A need for fun? For connection? For shared experiences? Self growth? Somebody to feel safe and secure with?

5. Don't expect your buddy to fulfill all your needs. Don't get discouraged if you are having fun with someone but can't have deep conversations with them, you can find somebody else to have deep conversations with. The more we expect from a single person, the less our expectations are going to be met and the more upset we and the other person is going to get. Question your belief that a true friend is supposed to fulfill all of your needs.

6. Find benefits in not having buddies. For example, if I don't rely on having buddies I can be self-reliant. I want to know that I can solve my own problems. I invest into my self sufficiency

Meaning of life

Sometimes we may wonder, what is the meaning of life? This is the wrong question to ask, it assumes that there is an objective meaning of life that everybody agrees on. The real question should be "what is YOUR meaning of life?" Maybe the meaning of life is to discover the meaning of your life. 

This may make us feel lost because we don't know what our meaning of life is and how to find it. What helps is having trust that you'll figure it out and it's okay to make mistakes and go the wrong paths, this is YOUR path, to go the wrong paths. 

For some people the meaning of life is living a successful life. But what is success? Fame? Balance? Love? Everybody has a different understanding of their success.

Can you declare the meaning of your life? Not likely. I can't say, the meaning of my life is to become rich, and assume this is what it is. Our lives are driven mostly by our subconsciousness by the needs and desires of different parts, and they may be unhappy about you shutting them down and focusing only on being rich. These parts may start sabotaging your idea of success. You really need to learn to listen to your parts and talk to them. 

One generalization that most people agree on is that the goal is not to have regrets at the end of the life. By looking at what are some things that will make me regret having lived the life the way I did, will allow me to start understanding what drives me and may get you closer to discovering the meaning of your life.

Remember, it's more important to have a question than to have an answer! By just being curious, and asking yourself what your meaning of life is, you will eventually stumble on it!