BACK BURNER!!!
Tears starting to fall as my eyes gazed upon the bed. All I could see was the gold wedding band that was to be until death due us part.
Receiving the news through the mail, we are no longer husband and wife. I tried to figure this all out. My head was spinning was I to blame? Why did he just walk out the door and leave his family behind?
I slid to the floor with tears streaming down my face. Yelling through the tears to my Heavenly Father. Why did you let this happen to me? Everything was fine, we were happy so I thought until I found the wedding band on the bed!
From the soul of my heart and through the tears, I finally heard my Heavenly Father speak to me. Ever so gentle and every so kind, filled with loving compassion my Father chastised me.
Yes my child that's the problem. everything was fine until you left me on the back burner. How can you blame me for something I have not done?
YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME!!!!!!
You put this man I placed with you high above me.
Now you call out to me when it's too late for you!
All I ask of my children is to talk to me and walk with me.
Just allow me to guide them through the day.
"I will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distress in spirit. A wife who married young, only to be rejected." Says your GOD. "For a brief moment I abandoned you but with deep compassion I will bring you back!!!"
Isaiah 54:5-7
My heart cries out to the ones:
When Life is going their way.
If only they will hear my voice and not leave me....
ON THE BACK BURNER!!!
"God had given this to me 1992"
Isaiah 54:5-7 (New International Version)
5 For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
6 The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected," says your God.
7 "For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
Lesson learns when my husband had divorced me. I did not obey my husband like God wanted me to do. It was a fairy tail romance that ended before it began.
I knew this man since I was 17 and 10 years later we were finally getting married! It was a miracle in its self how we found one another again.
We were married March 1985. The Divorce when through Oct 1985.
But how well do you really know someone that you hardly seen in 10 years! Then get married 2 months later, then moving miles across the United States. With a man I hardly knew, I did know him but I had not seen him for a very long time.
I loved this man very much in my attempt to please him I made things worst. I would ask him about buying something and he would say he would think about it. Then when he left for work, he was in the Coast Guard. And sometimes gone 6 weeks at time.
I would go out and buy that item he said he would think about. It was mainly things I thought we needed for the house to make it more like a home. He never got mad at me or anything just tells me we needed it. A couple of times I wanted to see him get mad so I would take $100.00 out of the bank and buy clothes for my daughter and I. He was away at the time, I seen he took out all the money in the account which was well over $1,000; I thought to myself he is mad, good for him. When he came home, I told him I took out $100.00 expecting him to start yelling. I still had the clothes in the bag with the receipt ready to take them back. All he said was you needed them.
When I asked him about getting a kitten for Sheila he told me, I would think about it. I went out and got that kitten. Only to find out later he was allegoric to cats! The same with flowers and my smoking he was allegoric to a lot of things and yet he never told me! Until a few days before I left to go back home. I really thought I knew him, before we got married my pastor of the church I was attending, gave us both a test. To see how well we know one another. 100 questions there were. Ron and I both missed just one out the 100 and it was the same question! That told me I knew this man! I loved him!
He came home one day and told me he wanted out and he was staying on the ship. I cried myself to sleep; when I woke up I found his wedding band lying on the bed. It was over and there was nothing I could do. He just did not love me anymore.
Another reason he wanted out of this marriage, he never told me this, but I found a letter his mom wrote to him telling him that he could not adopt my daughter who now was calling him daddy! His Idea! The reason why was because he could not be a dad because his own dad was never a dad to him! This was a shock to me!
My husband who was counseling men on the ship for their marriage problems. Would not work this out with me or really tell me why he wanted out! Before we got married he told me he would never divorce me that we would talk every thing out and work on keeping this marriage alive! I believe him! He never gave me a chance to adapt to being 3,000 miles away from family in a strange city, alone with a two year old. When he went out to sea!
We were married in March 22, left that night to drive back across the States from Pa to Oregon. That took us 4 days, then I had 4 days with my husband to show me around the city so I knew where the stores were and the bank was. Not much time together at all. I really think if we had planned this better, we should have had at least a week for a honeymoon with out my daughter or being in the car for 4 days. He came home in late April and May he wanted out! I was in shocked!
He knew the problem and divorce was the answer that is all I got from him!
God showed me a lot of what I was doing wrong, this man never really told me why he wanted out of the marriage other then I just can't not be married! It's not you but its me!
I did have a breakdown and downed all the pills I had, I just could not go through another divorce like this again. I did not think I could raise my daughter alone either. Ron called the ambulance sent me to the hospital alone! He didn't come because of Sheila, He could have called the neighbor to come over an sit with her, but he didn't. He did not care what happen to me, he was mad that he had Sheila to take care of.
I sign my self out of the hospital after 72 hours and took a cab home. Ron was getting some one to watch Sheila. I needed to be with her. When I got home I called a phone number I got from the hospital a woman's help center. They told me they would help me with day care for Sheila if I needed a few hours a day so I can pack and get my together. I was relived I had a sitter now that would be easier. A few hours later I had a knock at my door, it was a police officer! The woman's Help center called child welfare on me! They felt if I needed a few hours break from my daughter then I was unable to care for her and get this, they were told I was beating her!
I was in shock! The police officer followed me back into Sheila's room were she was taking a nap. She was just in her diaper, he could see I had not beat her, she came running to me when I got her clothes to dress her. Tears steaming down my face, she wipes them and say's Jesus love's you mommy! The officer told me you have done nothing to this child! I see no marks on her, she loves you! But my hands are tied; I am here just in case you cause any trouble. The case worker got there, I told her there was a mistake I never beat her. All she said was. You're under investigation I have to take her. I sat there crying! How dare they take my daughter from me!
The Captain of the ship stopped by and wanted to talk to me, and asked me what was going on? I told him about Ron wanting a divorced and I did not! I told him how child welfare just came in here and took Sheila as well! I was a mess. He told me that Ron would not go into detailed with him about the matter. Now he had told us we had to go to a marriage counselor. I was happy! This was a ray of hope here for us now!
I was so wrong! The marriage counselor could not help us! We had to be in agreement with each other! We both had to either want to stay married or both want out! He wanted out and I did not! So he could not help us! The only thing this counselor did help me with is getting my daughter back! Child welfare wanted to find Sheila's dad and I had a fit!
I was hysterical! So they would not give her back to me saying I was not fit to have my child back! I had so many days to prove it and I could not leave the state! If I did not prove I was a fit mother they would take her from me! Yea any mother is going to get hysterical over that!
When I finally told the counselor what happen with my first marriage and why I was scared to death for them to find her. He told me I had ever right to get hysterical! Her dad is Arabic he married me to get a green card so he can work and stay in the states! When he found out I was going to have a baby, he denied being the father! The only reason he did this, He knew that we had to be married for three years because of immigration laws!
This was his answer to his prayers! He threaten me if I did not do what he told me to do that was to lie to a lot of people, I would see the bottom of the lake! I had to tell the lawyer that the baby was not his! I did not know I was going to have a baby before we got married! I knew this baby was his! His sister knew it as well! I did what he told me to do. I had Sheila in foster care because I had no one to watch her, I had no real home myself. Once I got things settle and a place to live in Pa, I got my baby and got out of Cleveland Ohio.
My greatest fear was that he knew the truth and finds his daughter and kidnaps her, and takes her to Amman Jordan! I would never see her! Yea I was hysterical! They wanted her father's name they wanted him to come and get her! Ron Knew of the nightmares I was having, so he had a buddy of his from Settle mail a letter I wrote to his sister, stating that I was getting married and moving to Settle, but I never gave her my married name. This way he could not find me. Ron was also allowing me to keep his last name to make it harder for him to find me as well I didn't want to go back to my maiden name. I just didn’t want anyone to know who I really was. After my dad accidentally shot my mother. That I had all ready mention when I was talking about my family.
My counselor got on the phone to my case worker and told her I was not an hysterical mother in the way she seen it. I had ever right to be hysterical! He told her what I told him and then I as told to go pick up my daughter the next day. A few days later I was on my way home to Pa. Crying most of the way. I spent 2 days in Denver with my aunt an uncle, then on to Sweet spring Mo. To spend a few days there and meet my new step-mother. Then drove the rest of the way home. It took me eight days to drive across the country with a two year old.
My sister all ready had an apartment for me; I just had to get some of my thing back I had friends hold on too. My washer and dryer, I bought my dad's bed, I jut need a bed for Sheila and a couch. And wait for the rest of my things to arrive by bus.
I had another break down over Christmas and ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks. After I got out of the hospital. I called Vicki and Tom. They were Sheila's foster parents in Cleveland Ohio. They came and got her for a month. I needed time to heal and time to get my life back on track.
I went into school for word processing. Ron let me keep the car; he gave me enough money to get set up again. Plus pay my rent for 8 months. He also let me keep the 1cart diamond ring he bought me on sale for $1,000. I had it checked out there was a flaw in the diamond and that it was not worth much over $700. 00 if that at all.
Ron could not see the flaw in it, my brother-in-law even seen and mention it to him before we got married, That is why the ring was on sale it was 2,000 I have the bill of sale even to this day.
He told me that if I ever needed to sell it He would buy it.
That shocked me! I got mad at him and threw the ring at him I did not want it. When I found out the reason behind the ring. He was an officer and the Captain and the CO-officer or whatever they were I just don't recall that. But the point of it was they bought their wives a 1/2 cart diamond an made more money then he did. He wanted to show off the full cart diamond in their faces!
When we got married that ring was 2 big for me, when we got back to OR after we were married. I had Ron take me to the store he bought if from so I could have it sized down. I did not want to lose it. So we did that and walking back to the car he made a remark to me that he wished I would have done that after the party! My remark on it was they will see it soon enough, I just didn’t care if anyone saw it. I just did not want to lose it. That is why I had taken in to be re-sized. He said, oh I just wanted the others to see it. Yea so he can brag how much he spent on it.
That night we had a wedding reception the Officer's on the ship gave us. I was talking to the wives and notice there wedding rings, they had asked to mine; I told them right now I just had the wedding band and ring is being sized down. Not a big deal to me, since they would see the ring sooner or later. But to Ron it was a big thing! He wanted to show off that he made less money and he could buy his wife a full diamond ring not a half of a diamond!
He was transfer to New York City! That was 8 hours away! So I called him it was late at night I thought I would just leave a message on the answering machine. Well the janitor answered the phone. I asked him to just tell Ron I was calling about the ring and just left at that.
The next day he called me told me he would buy the ring for $800.00. He would leave Friday after work. He got in about 7 or 8 am. He had to go to the bank first. Then and he got the money to give me for the money for the ring. I needed the money to get the car fixed that he had given me.
He gave me a kiss got his car and left. I have never seen him since.
I thought for sure this is God he is close enough to come see me! I sent him home baked cookies and called him. Here a dear friend who was worried about me, she called him with out me knowing this.
He told her that my cookies I send to him, he gives them away he will not eat them as for my long distance phone calls. He just allowed me to talk and talk to run up my phone bill and most of the time he just put the phone down and did his work then picked it up every now and then and just say something to think he was listening! I was just making a fool out of myself! Thank God for my friend to tell me the truth! This man I thought I knew never told me the truth on anything other he could not be married to ME!
For years I would not date I believed that God would bring him back into my life again!
I felt that I had done something so wrong that no man wanted to be with me, I am still struggling with that to this day. I think that is why I have never married. I have been asked and then I find fault with them and just end it.
I was so wrong in thinking he would ever come back to me!
That is when God gave me this poem then I knew he was never coming back. I did find him living in AZ. I found his email and we were emailing one another for a little bit. I found him on a yahoo group. He was talking about making a website so I gave him so information to help him with it.
He was retired from the Coast Guard and now he is a Lawyer and married, he has a daughter of his own. That really hurt me. Because his mom told him he could not raise my daughter because his dad was not a father to him! He was going to adopted her! He had her calling him daddy! That broke my heart to see her run to him, Daddy! Daddy! Only for him to push her to the ground and tell her I am not your daddy! Sheila laid down on the floor crying her heart out then he yelled at me for not telling her not to call him Daddy! How do you tell a two year old that! I told him we are leaving in a few weeks and when she doesn't see you then she will stop calling you daddy!
To this day my daughter can not understand why I could not stay with her dad or even to Ron. It was not my calling I had no choice in the matter with either of the marriages they wanted out and did every thing they could do to get me to leave. I had to leave.
I had asked him why he left me. All he told me was that it didn't matter any more and that I was nothing but a stranger to him! He never gave me closure. But God was the one to give me the closure by showing me what I did wrong.
I put him high above God and I lost him. I did not listen to what my husband wanted out of our marriage. I ran ahead and did everything I could to do to please this man and that was not pleasing to God!
It now Aug., 2008 and I have been single now since Oct., 1985. I have no idea if I will ever remarry again. That I had to leave in God's hand. I took out all my personal adds that I had online, when God told me that it was not up to me to find a man to marry but it was up to him to bring that man to me!
HAVE YOU LEFT GOD ON THE BACK BURNER SOMEWHERE?
Are you hearing God in your life?
And have you accepted Jesus into your heart?
If not all you need to do is ask God to forgive you of all your sins and say:
Jesus I know you are real and I believe that you died on the cross for me, you redeemed me by your Blood. I want to live for you! I confess all my sins known and unknown. I am sorry for them all. I Renounce them all I forgive all others, and I want you to forgive me. Forgive me now, and cleanse me with your blood. I thank you for the blood of Jesus Christ which cleanses me now forever from sin, I come to you now as my deliverer you know my special needs the thing that binds, that torments, that defiles, that evil spirit. That unclean spirit. I claim the promises of your word. "Who so ever that calleth on the Lord shall be delivered," I call upon you now in Jesus Christ name. Deliver me and set me free. Satan, I renounce you and all your works. I loose myself from your works. I loose myself from you now in Jesus name. I command you to leave me right now in Jesus name! I have a confession to make my ancestors and I have sought super natural experiences apart from you. We have disobeyed your word. I ask for you’re forgiveness. I renounce witch craft and magic both black & white. I renounce witch craft and all occult games etc. I renounce hypnoses. I break any hold placed on me. I command it right back where it came from in Jesus name. I thank you Lord for all your doing in through and for me right now! By the Blood of Jesus Christ amen.
God Bless you all!
Jacqueline L. Greek