Act 3
Scene I. The Street.
Late afternoon of same day.
(Enter FLORINDO from the Doctor's house; to him BRIGHELLA.)
BRIG.: I wäs a-lookin' for you, sir.
FLOR.: Were you? What is it?
BRIG.: Ye've spoken to Mrs. Rosaura?
FLOR:. Not yet. I have not seen her since the poem.
BRIG.: I'm afeared ye're too läte then.
FLOR.: Oh, Lud! Why?
BRIG.: 'Cos there's a rogue that's a-goin' to rob the nest.
FLOR.: Who is it? The Marquess of Castel d'Oro?
BRIG.: That's him. I've met his sarvant, who cooms from my parts; he's simple-like and blown the whole thing. He's told the lady that the zurrinade was his'n, and ye're poem too, and he's told a peck o' lies each one worsen' t'other; ye zowhe reaps; ye zigh-he laughs; ye keep mum-and he speaks; he'll get what he wants and ye'll be left lickin' dry chops.
FLOR.: Oh, Brighella, this is terrible!
BRIG.: Ye mun settle ye're mind; either speak at once or lose the lass.
FLOR.: I wish I could speak, but I lack the courage.
BRIG.: Speak to he father, then.
FLOR.: He frightens me.
BRIG.: Get some 'un to do it for 'ee, then.
FLOR.: Whom can I trust?
BRIG.: I'd do it for 'ee, but it be'ant the work for a sarvant in livery.
FLOR.: Advise me; what am I to do?
BRIG.: Let's go in and put our heads together.
FLOR.: Yes, don't let's waste any time. My dear fellow, I'm so grateful to you. If ever I succeed in marrying Rosaura I shall owe all my bliss to your affection.
(Both go into house.)
(Enter PANTALONE, carrying a letter.)
PANTA.: I be a-goin' to post this myself; I don't want no sarvant to forget it. I should 'a written afore now. He's a daft fellow, that zon o' mine: him a married man goin' about a-foolin' wi' the doctor's gals! All cooms o' a furrin' eddication; now, if I'd had the bringin' of him up it wouldn't have been. Never mind, for all he's a married man, I'll coom up wi' un! Worst of it all is the doctor be right, an' I'll have the squarin' up of 'un. Sly rogue Marquess of Castel d'Oro, zurrinades and zuppers! Ay, but he has me to reckon with. I'll go talk to his lordship when this letter's posted.
(Enter a Letter Carrier.)
L.C.: A letter for your Worship; thirty soldi to pay.
PANTA: Wheer be it from?
L.C. (handing letter): From the post at Rome.
PANTA.: It mun be from Naples. Here be ye'r soldi. It's main heavy.
L.C.: Axin' yer pardon; who be Signor Lelio Bisognosi?
PANTA.: My zon.
L.C.: Since when?
PANTA: He be just coom from Naples.
L.C.: Here's one fur him, too.
PANTA.: Gie it here; I'm his fäther.
L.C. (banding letter): Here it be; seven soldi.
PANTA.: Take it!
L.C.: Ye'r sarvant.
(Exit.)
PANTA.: Who can it be from? What's it about? I don't knaw the hand, nay, nor the seal neither fur that matter. Lordy, I be a fair old fule -- I mun open un furst. (Opens letter and reads.) "Most honoured Sir..."
Who be it from? (Reads.)
"Masaniello Cappezali, Naples, April 24th, 1750..."
Doan't know un, doan't know un -- what's he want? (Reads.) "Having written twice to your son and had no answer from him . . ."
The lad stopped in Rome, the letters mun be there. (Reads.)
"...I decided to write to your Worship, fearing either that he is not arrived or that he is ill. Signor Lelio begged me, his good friend, two days before his departure from Naples, to procure for him his certificate as an unmarried man, so that he might be enabled to marry while in foreign parts if he so wished."
But the lad's married! (Reads.)
"No one could do this better than I, because up to the hour of his departure no one else has been so constantly in his company."
He mun knaw about it, then! (Reads.)
"Therefore his friend Nicoluccio and I procured the said certificate for him, which, in order that it should not miscarry, I enclose in this letter, duly witnessed and legalized."
What's it all about? His certificate as a bachelor? Then the lad's not married. Either 'tis forged or else the weddin' was pure invention. I mun get to the bottom o' this. (Reads.)
"It is a wonder that Lelio is returning to his home a free man after the infinite perils his goodness of heart has made him incur; but I may boast of having with my friendship helped him out of a hundred entanglements. So he leaves Naples free and untrammelled, which will be no little gratification to you, sir, enabling you as it will to procure for him a suitable and pleasing settlement in life. And I am, sir, your most humble and devoted..."
Ay, but what's all this? Lelio not married? Here be the bachelor's certificate. (Opens the enclosed document.) Ay, all in order -- it can't be forged. 'Sides, why should the gem'man write a lie -- it doan't stand to reason. But why should Lelio tell a zackful o' lies? What ails him? Let's see if t'other letter 'ull clear things up a bit. (Begins to open second letter.)
(Enter LELIO.)
LELIO: Ah, father, I was looking for you.
PANTA.: Just in time, my boy. Who be Masaniello Cappezali?
LELIO: A great friend of mine. (Aside.) He knows all my games. I'd not have my father write to him for worlds.
PANTA.: Be he a clever man? A good man and an honest?
LELIO: He was, but alas! he no longer is so.
PANTA.: No? Why?
LELIO: Because the poor fellow's dead.
PANTA.: When did 'un die ?
LELIO: Before I left Naples.
PANTA.: A matter o' three months ago?
LELIO: About that.
PANTA: Then I have a bit o' good news for 'ee: ye're dear friend's no longer dead.
LELIO: Eh? Good God!
PANTA.: Be that his hand?
LELIO: Alas, no! (Aside.) It certainly is; what the devil is he writing about?
PANTA.: Zarten sure?
LELIO: Quite sure -- besides, he's dead.
PANTA. (Aside): Either the paper's false or my son's the Great Mogul itself o' lies. I mun find out which.
LELIO (aside): I'd give a good deal to know what's in that letter. (Aloud.) Father, may I look at that writing a bit closer?
PANTA.: Bean't the poor gem'man dead?
LELIO: Of course he's dead.
PANTA.: He be dead -- that's done wi'. We'll leave that, and now for another matter. What have ye been a-doin' of to Dr. Balanzoni?
LELIO: Nothing that I know of.
PANTA.: Mebbe nuthin' to him, what about his darter?
LELIO: She has done something to me.
PANTA.: What the devil can she have done to 'ee?
LELIO: She has bewitched me, blinded me; I doubt but what she has ruined me.
PANTA.: Explain yourself.
LELIO: I was going about my business last evening when she saw me from her window. I must say I seem to have something in my face which conquers all women, and which conquered her too. She greeted me with a sigh; I, who when I hear a woman sigh, invariably fall dead, stopped to look at her. Conceive of it! My eyes met hers. I believe there are two devils in those eyes of hers; I was done for on the spot, and there is no remedy.
PANTA.: Ye have an easy way o' doin' things. Did ye zurrinade her?
LELIO: Imagine it! Someone plays a serenade; I listen to it; the girl imagines it to be mine, and I let it go at that.
PANTA.: And ye made up the story o' soopin' wi' her arter wards?
LELIO: I don't tell lies; I was in the house.
PANTA.: An' ye sooped together.
LELIO: Well, to tell the truth, we did.
PANTA.: An' ye didn't think ye'd be härmin' her good name?
LELIO: She invited me; I went.
PANTA.: An' ye a married man!
LELIO: You're right. I was in the wrong. I'll not repeat the offence.
PANTA.: An' ye're sarten ye're married?
LELIO: If my wife's not dead.
PANTA.: Whoi should she be dead?
LELIO: She might have died in childbed.
PANTA.: But she be only six months gone!
LELIO: She might have miscarried.
PANTA.: D'ye know who the wench is that ye sooped with?
LELIO: The daughter of Dr. Balanzoni.
PANTA.: Jest so. The gal I meant ye to marry.
LELIO: She?
PANTA.: Yes.
LELIO: You told me she was the daughter of a Bolognese.
PANTA.: Well, what else is the doctor?
LELIO (aside): Lord! what have I done now!
PANTA.: What did 'ee say? If ye'd been a free man would 'ee have fancied her ?
LELIO: With all my heart. For Heaven's sake, sir, don't break off the negotiations, don't abandon the contract. Pacify the Doctor somehow -- let us keep our hold on the daughter; I cannot live without her!
PANTA.: What? Ye be a married man!
LELIO: My wife may be dead.
PANTA.: A fule's hope. Have more sense an' let the wimmin be. We've done wi' Miss Rosaura, an' ye mun jest go back to Naples.
LELIO: Not that, for the love of Heaven.
PANTA.: Doan't 'ee want to zee ye're wife?
LELIO: Do you want to see me dead?
PANTA:. O' what?
LELIO: I shall die if you deprive me of Rosaura.
PANTA.: How many wives does the man want? Zeven, like the Gränd Turk?
LELIO: One is all I ask.
PANTA.: Well, ye've Briseide.
LELIO: Alas! Briseide
PANTA.: What's the matter wi' her?
LELIO (kneeling): Behold me, sir, at your feet.
PANTA.: Now, what d'ye mean?
LELIO: I crave your pardon a thousand times.
PANTA.: Get up, doan't make me feel bad.
LELIO: Briseide does not exist, and I am not married.
PANTA.: Good, zur, very good! Zo that's the kind o' fib ye tell ye're fäther? Get up, zur knight, zur liar. Zo that's ye're Naples breeding? Afore ye're in Venice half an hour an' afore ye've seen your fäther, ye gets tangled wi' folk ye doan't knaw, an' who doan't know you; ye give yourself out as a Neapolitan, Don Asdrubale of Castel d'Oro, a millionaire, nevvy o' princes an' little short o' brother o' the King; ye play a thousand nasty pranks to the cost o' two honest decent gals. An' ye go as far as to take in ye're poor old fäther; ye tell un ye've got a Naples leddy fur wife; ye spin a yarn full o' Don Briseides, cocked watches an' repeatin' pistols! Ye make me fair cry wi' pity fur a darter-in-law who doan't even exist, ye let me write a letter to ye're fäther-in-law what doan't exist neither, an' which I have here in my hand to post! Who the divil larned ye all this? An' how in the name o' Beelzebub did ye invent all these damned fables ?
LELIO: Ah, father, you bring the blushes to my cheeks. The love with which Rosaura inspired me, not knowing you destined her for me, forced me into all these lies, so repugnant to my delicacy and so unlike my usual custom.
PANTA.: If ye really meant to mend, mebbe 'twould be no great harm. But I fear me ye're a nat'ral born liar an' will do worse in the future.
LELIO: Never. I detest and abhor all lies, and am and always shall be an unflinching lover of the truth. Never again, I swear, will I let an equivocal, much less a false syllable, fall from these lips. But, for pity's sake, do not abandon me. Procure for me the forgiveness of my dear Rosaura, or you will see me die. Indeed, a little while ago, passion so o'ercame me that I spat quite a quantity of blood.
PANTA. (aside): Poor läd! Poor läd! (Aloud.) Ye'd häve my pity if ye could be trusted, but ye've proven yerself a zore liar.
LELIO: If I ever tell another lie, may the devil fly away with me.
PANTA.: Then ye bean't married?
LELIO: No, certainly not.
PANTA.: Nor engaged neither?
LELIO: I have never been engaged to any woman.
PANTA.: Neither in Naples nor out of it?
LELIO: Nowhere!
PANTA.: Steady, lad, steady!
LELIO: I would not tell another lie for all the wealth of Ind.
PANTA.: Have ye got ye're bachelor's certificate?
LELIO: Not at the moment, but I am expecting it.
PANTA.: An' if ye had it, what would ye do?
LELIO: Heaven willing, I should hope to marry my dear Rosaura as soon as possible.
PANTA.: Let's zee; what be this? (Gives certificate to LELIO.)
LELIO: Heaven be praised -- my certificate!
PANTA.: Deary me, but it's false.
LELIO: Why false? Don't you see the seal?
PANTA.: 'Tis false, 'cos 'tis sent by a dead 'un.
LELIO: What do you mean by a dead man?
PANTA.: 'Tis sent by Signor Masaniello Cappezali, him that died three months ago.
LELIO (taking the letter): Let me look at it again; now I recognize the handwriting. It's not the old Masaniello who writes, but his son, my dear friend.
PANTA.: An' the zon has got the same name as his fäther?
LELIO: Yes. It's some matter of an inheritance; they both had to have the same name.
PANTA.: But ye didn't knaw ye're dear friend's handwriting?
LELIO: We've been so together that we've had no need to write to each other.
PANTA.: But ye knaw the fäther's hand.
LELIO: Oh, I happened to know that because he was a banker and made me letters of credit.
PANTA.: But, though his fäther's dead, the zon doan't seal wi' black?
LELIO: You know that's quite out of fashion.
PANTA.: Lelio, doan't 'ee tell me no more lies.
LELIO: May I die if ever I lie again
PANTA.: Enough of that, ye rogue. So the certificate be genuine?
LELIO: Absolutely. I could marry to-morrow.
PANTA.: What about they two months in Rome ?
LELIO: Oh, you mustn't mention that; you must say that I came straight from Naples. We can easily find two witnesses to confirm it.
PANTA.: I thought there were to be no more lies.
LELIO: Why, that's not lying, that's helping matters along!
PANTA.: Enough o' that. The doctor and I will talk it out. Oh, here be a letter coom for 'ee.
LELIO: For me?
PANTA.: Ay, fur 'ee. I paid seven soldi for it. It mun be from Rome.
LELIO: Maybe, let me see.
PANTA. (opening letter very slowly): By ye're leave, I means to read it myself.
LELIO: Forgive me -- but the letter is mine.
PANTA. I'm your fäther, an' can read it.
LELIO: Oh, as you like. (Aside.) I hope this is not a new complication!
PANTA. (reading): "Dearest husband." (Looking at LELIO.) "Dearest husband"?
LELIO: Well it can't be for me.
PANTA.: Here be the address: "To the Most Excellent and Illustrious Signor Lelio Bisognosi, Venice.”
LELIO: Well, you can see it's not for me.
PANTA.: Fur whoy?
LELIO: Because I've no right to the "illustrious.”
PANTA.: Oh, well, titles be cheap enough your way. Let's get on wi' it. (Reading.) "Your most faithful wife, Cleonice Anselmi."
LELIO: Well, you see it's not for me.
PANTA.: Then who be it meant for?
LELIO: Somebody else with the same name, I suppose,
PANTA.: I've lived here a mort o' years and never heard tell o' other Bisognosis in Venice.
LELIO: There are some in Naples and in Rome.
PANTA.: Ay, but the letter's zent here.
LELIO: And could not some Lelio Bisognosi of Rome or Naples be here in Venice?
PANTA.: Mebbe -- let's get on wi' it.
LELIO: Excuse me, sir, but it's hardly correct to read another man's letters. If you've opened one by mistake, you seal it up again without reading it.
PANTA.: I can read a zon's letters, I zuppose?
LELIO: But it is not mine.
PANTA.: We shall zee.
LELIO (aside): Reproaches from Cleonice, doubtless. Lud, more invention!
PANTA. (reading): "Your departure from Rome has plunged me into an atrocious melancholy, for you promised to take me to Venice with you, and then suddenly left me."
LELIO: I tell you it is not mine.
PANTA.: It zays "left for Venice."
LELIO: All right, he's in Venice.
PANTA. (reading): "Remember, you promised to marry me. If you intend to deceive me, be sure that wherever you are I shall know how to obtain justice."
LELIO: Poor forsaken wretch!
PANTA.: Doan't think much o' this Lelio Bisognosi. Let's hear the end on't. (Reads.)
"If you do not send for me and do not resolve to marry me, I shall cause a person in authority to write to your father,
Signor Pantalone."
Eh Pantalone?
LELIO: Wonderful! The father's name is the same, too!
PANTA (reads): "I know that Signor Pantalone is an honourable Venetian merchant..."
Well? (Reads.)
And though you were brought up in Naples by his brother..." How she do go on! (Reads.)
“...he will have some love and care for you, and will not wish to see you in prison. But I shall be driven to send you there to recover the money you took from me on account of my dowry."
What in the name of evil could be worse!
LELIO: I'll lay you this is some joke of a friend of mine.
PANTA.: A friend's joke? Heark'ee, my lad, ye doan't set foot inside my house again! I'l gie ye an allowance an' off ye pack to Rome to marry the wench!
LELIO: But, father --
PANTA. (interrupting): Off wi' you, liar, king o' liars, stony face, blackguard, zon of a whore!
(Exit.)
LELIO: Ah, well, let's take it philosophically!
CURTAIN.
END OF SCENE I.
SCENE 2. A Room in the Doctor's House. That evening.
(DOCTOR and ROSAURA discovered.)
DOCTOR: Well, madam, how long since you last saw my Lord Marquess Asdrubale of Castel d'Oro?
ROSAURA: I am perfectly well aware that he is not a Marquess.
DOCTOR: Then do you know who he is?
ROSAURA: Yes, sir. He is Ruggiero Pandolfi, a Neapolitan merchant.
DOCTOR: Ruggiero Pandolfi?
ROSAURA: That's what he told me.
DOCTOR: A Neapolitan merchant?
ROSAURA: Yes.
DOCTOR: Madwoman -- dolted idiot -- don't you know who he is?
ROSAURA: Well, who is he then?
DOCTOR: Lelio, Pantalone's son.
ROSAURA: The man you proposed marrying me to?
DOCTOR: The same fellow.
ROSAURA: Why, if that's the case, it will be easier to arrange matters.
DOCTOR: Listen, shameless one -- listen to where the ease with which you listened to a foreigner and your giddiness might have led you. Lelio Bisognosi, who attempted to seduce you under a false name, has a wife in Naples.
ROSAURA: Are you quite certain? I cannot believe it.
DOCTOR: Yes, I'm quite certain. His father told me.
ROSAURA: Oh, unhappy me! Oh, inhuman traitor! (Weeps.)
DOCTOR: You weep, giddy pate, do you? Learn to live more cautiously. You can't expect me to watch everything. I've my practice to attend to; but as you're so utterly without prudence, I'll have you put in a safe place, where there'll be no danger of your falling into this kind of weakness again.
ROSAURA: You are right. Chastise me -- I well deserve it. (Aside.) Scoundrel, impostor, Heaven shall punish you!
(Exit.)
DOCTOR: A part of me sympathises with her, I'm sorry to say, but for the sake of her reputation I mean to put her out of harm's way.
(Enter OTTAVIO.)
OTTAVIO: Sir, your maid brought me word that your daughter Beatrice wished to speak to me. I'm a man of honour, and do not treat with a daughter without her father's knowledge.
DOCTOR: I'm glad to hear it. You fulfil the idea I had formed of your prudence. If you still wish it, we can conclude your contract of marriage with my daughter before nightfall. (Aside.) I can't wait to rid the house of her.
OTTAVIO: For my part I'm quite ready.
DOCTOR: We'll call Beatrice and hear what she has to say.
(Enter COLOMBINA.)
COLOM.: Signor Lelio Bisognosi, quondam Marquis, would like to speak with you, sir.
OTTAVIO: I shall hold him to account then.
DOCTOR: Don't doubt but that he'll punish himself. Let's hear what he has to say, anyhow. Show him in.
(Exit COLOMBINA.)
OTTAVIO: I expect he has got some new trick up his sleeve.
DOCTOR: Well, if he's married, he'll play no more tricks on Rosaura.
(Enter LELIO.)
LELIO (to DOCTOR): Sir, I am come covered with blushes and confusion to crave your forgiveness.
DOCTOR: You damned impostor!
OTTAVIO (to LELIO): To-morrow I've got something to say to you.
LELIO (to OTTAVIO): You wish to fight me, to be my enemy, and I am here to implore your friendly assistance.
OTTAVIO: With whom?
LELIO: With my dearest, most esteemed Doctor Balanzoni.
DOCTOR: What do you want of me?
LELIO: Your daughter's hand.
DOCTOR: What! My daughter's hand, and you a married man!!
LELIO: I Married? Surely not!
DOCTOR: What new imposition is this?
OTTAVIO: Your lies have passed all credence.
LELIO: Who told you I was married ?
DOCTOR: Your father told me.
LELIO: Ah, Doctor, it is indeed painful to contradict my own father; but care for my reputation and the love that I bear Rosaura force me to do so. No, my father is not telling the truth.
DOCTOR: Aren't you ashamed to say such things? Your father is the soul of honour.
OTTAVIO: When do you mean to cease your impostures?
LELIO: You shall see if I speak falsely. Here is my certificate as an unmarried man, issued at Naples. Signor Ottavio, you know that kingdom, examine it and tell me if it is not in order. (Hands certificate to OTTAVIO.)
OTTAVIO: Yes, it's true; the form is correct and the seals too.
DOCTOR: Powers above! you're not married?
LELIO: Of course not.
DOCTOR: But why should Pantalone say you were?
LELIO: I'll tell you why.
DOCTOR: Not another fable!
LELIO: My father regretted having given you his word that I should marry your daughter.
DOCTOR: Why?
LELIO: Because this morning a marriage broker who knew of my arrival offered him a dowry of 50,000 ducats.
DOCTOR: This affront from Signor Pantalone!
LELIO: Greed so easily blinds a man.
DOCTOR: So you're in love with my daughter?
LELIO: Yes, sir, too much so.
DOCTOR: How did you manage to fall in love so quickly?
LELIO: So quickly? In two months the baby love becomes a giant.
DOCTOR: What do you mean by "two months"? You arrived yesterday.
LELIO: Sir, I will now reveal to you the whole truth. Do you know how long it is since I left Naples?
DOCTOR: Your father told me about three months.
LELIO: Well, where was I those three months?
DOCTOR: He said you were in Rome.
LELIO: That is not true. I stopped three or four days in Rome and then came straight to Venice.
DOCTOR: And your father did not know this?
LELIO: No, because when I arrived he was as usual at his Casino at Mira.
DOCTOR: Well, why didn't you join him there?
LELIO: Because, having seen Rosaura, I could not tear myself away.
OTTAVIO: Signor Lelio, your lies grow greater. I've lodged for two months at "The Eagle," and you only arrived there last night.
LELIO: I stayed till then at "The Arms of France," but in order to have Rosaura more constantly before my eyes, I removed yesterday to "The Eagle."
DOCTOR: If you're in love with her, why invent the serenade and supper?
LELIO: The serenade was no invention.
DOCTOR: And the supper?
LELIO: I merely said that I had done what I should have liked to have done.
OTTAVIO: What about squiring the ladies to the Fair this morning?
LELIO: Oh, that's enough! I said a lot of foolish things I'm sorry for now, and there's an end of it. (To the DOCTOR.) Sir, you must believe that I am the son of Pantalone Bisognosi.
DOCTOR: Well, even that may not be true.
LELIO: I am a free man and here is my certificate.
DOCTOR: If it's genuine.
LELIO: Ottavio recognizes it as authentic.
OTTAVIO: Well, it certainly looks all right.
LELIO: My marriage with Rosaura has already been considered by my father and yourself.
DOCTOR: I don't like to think it's true that Signor Pantalone breaks his word for the sake of 50,000 ducats.
LELIO: Let me tell you, that dowry went up in smoke, and my father regrets having invented the tale of my marriage.
DOCTOR: Well, why doesn't he come himself then?
LELIO: He doesn't dare to; he has sent me instead.
DOCTOR: It seems rather a muddle.
LELIO: It's a fact, nevertheless.
DOCTOR: Well, well, then you shall have her. If Signor Pantalone is content, well and good, and I'm pleased; and if he isn't, I'm even with him for that insult. What do you say, Ottavio?
OTTAVIO: Quite right. She'll be off your hands when she's married.
DOCTOR: Give me that certificate.
LELIO: Here you are.
DOCTOR: But, look here, you might have become engaged to someone else in these three months.
LELIO: I've been the whole time in Venice.
DOCTOR: Can I believe you?
LELIO: I would not tell another lie for a monarch's throne.
DOCTOR: I'll go and fetch my daughter. If she is satisfied, we can conclude matters.
(Exit.)
LELIO (aside): The blow is struck. Once I'm married, there's an end to the Roman woman.
OTTAVIO: Signor Lelio, the luck has been with you long enough.
LELIO: Friend, I shall not fight you to-morrow.
OTTAVIO: Why not?
LELIO: Because I hope to be engaged in another duel.
(Enter DOCTOR and Rosaura.)
DOCTOR (to ROSAURA): Here is Signor Lelio, who wishes to marry you. What do you say? Are you satisfied?
ROSAURA: But I thought you said he was married already?
DOCTOR I thought so, but he seems to be disengaged.
ROSAURA: I didn't think him capable of such deceit.
LELIO: No, dearest. I could not lie to a being to whom I am so devoted.
ROSAURA: You have told me lies.
DOCTOR: Oh, let's end matters! Do you want to marry him?
ROSAURA: If you give him to me, I'll take him.
(Enter PANTALONE.)
PANTA.: By your leave, Doctor! What be my boy a-doing of?
DOCTOR: Do you know what your son is doing? He is giving me satisfaction for the affront you have put upon my house.
PANTA.: Me? Whoi, what have I done?
DOCTOR: You gave me to understand that your son was married, so as to rid yourself of your obligation to me.
LELIO: Come, that's all over. Here is my bride-to-be. Be quiet, and say no more.
PANTA.: I Quiet? Scoundrel! Quiet? I? (To DOCTOR.) Have ye the goodness to read this letter and tell I if your gal can marry him after that. (Gives DOCTOR Cleonice's letter.)
LELIO: The letter doesn't happen to be addressed to me.
DOCTOR: Excellent! Signor Lelio, you have been two months and more in Venice? You are under no engagement to any woman? You are free? Very free indeed! Rosaura, stand away from that infamous monster! He's been three months in Rome; he is promised to Cleonice Anselmi, and can marry. no one else. (To LELIO.) Impostor! Liar! Shameless one! Brazen-face!
LELIO: Since my father is determined to put me to the blush, I am forced to tell you that this Cleonice you speak of is a light woman with whom I found myself by chance in a Roman inn for the three days I was there. Having cornered me one night when I was overcome by wine, she extracted this promise from me without my knowing anything about it. I can call witnesses to prove that.
DOCTOR: This will take time to clear up. Meanwhile, kindly leave the house.
LELIO: Do you wish to kill me? How can I exist away from my dear Rosaura?
DOCTOR: I begin to understand you a bit. As for dying for my daughter, I don't believe you care a rap for her!
LELIO: I not care? Ask her if I value her love, her favours. Tell them, Rosaura, all that I have done to please you in these last few hours. Tell them of the magnificent serenade I prepared for you, and of the candour with which I revealed myself to you in a poem.
(Enter FLORINDO and BRIGHELLA.)
FLOR.: Doctor, Signora Rosaura, with your permission I should like to reveal a secret which I have till now most jealously guarded. Since an impostor is attempting to profit by my attentions, I am forced to now raise the mask and show you the truth. Know, then, that the serenade was mine, and that I am the author of the poem.
LELIO: Liar, 'tis false!
FLOR.: Here is the canzonetta I composed, and the rough draft of the poem. Signora Rosaura, examine them, I beg. (Gives papers to ROSAURA.)
BRIG.: Ay, Doctor, saving your presence, 'twas I as was commissioned by Signor Florindo to order the zurrinade, and I saw un throw the poem on the balcony.
DOCTOR: And what has Signor Lelio to say to all this?
LELIO: I? Oh, I am convulsed. What more amusing comedy could I have prepared for Signora Rosaura? A stupid and lacklustre lout orders a serenade, and dares not reveal himself as author. He writes a poem, throws it on the balcony, then hides and keeps silent about it. Now, isn't that enough to make one split one's sides with laughing? Then I appear, and with my witty inventions heighten the humour of this fantastic scene, and force our stolid Strephon to disclose himself -- a trifle late. The prize is mine, and with the paternal consent, in the presence of this august assembly, I bestow on her my hand as bridegroom.
PANTA.: Ay, what a clack!
DOCTOR: Fair and softly, my Master of Illusion. So, Florindo, you love Rosaura ?
FLOR.: Sir, till now I have not dared reveal my passion.
DOCTOR: What do you say, Rosaura? Will you have Florindo for a husband?
ROSAURA: If Heaven wills it. Lelio is a liar, and I would not have him for all the gold in the universe.
PANTA.: Ay, 'tis but right he mun suffer. I should dearly love to thrash him with these old hands of mine!
DOCTOR: Be off to your Roman woman!
LELIO: A woman of the town cannot oblige me to marry her.
(Enter ARLECCHINO.)
ARLE. (to LELIO): Master, zave yerself!
LELIO: What's the matter now?
PANTA. (to ARLECCHINO): You tell I.
ARLE.: There bean't time for lies. (To LELIO.) The Roman's in Venice.
DOCTOR: And who, pray, may this be?
ARLE.: Mrs. Cleonice Anselmi.
DOCTOR: A prostitute?
ARLE.: Doan't 'ee zay such things! The darter o' the richest merchant in Rome.
LELIO: I regret to say it is not true. Arlecchino lies. Upon my word of honour, she is anything but that.
OTTAVIO: Your honour! You lost that some time ago.
DOCTOR: Out of my house!
PANTA. (to DOCTOR): So ye turn out my zon like that, do 'ee?
DOCTOR: A son that reflects no credit on the honoured character of the father.
PANTA.: Ay, me, you speak truth. A scamp of a zon, a rogue of a zon, who turns the house hind-afore, and makes his old fäther seem a baboon! O luckless zon! O shameful zon! Out o' my sight -- ne'er let me zee 'ee again. Here, I swear, I tear 'ee from my old heart!
(Exit.)
LELIO: Oh, curse my damned lies! I detest you!
ROSAURA (calling): Colombina?
(Enter COLOMBINA.)
COLOM.: Madame?
ROSAURA (whispers to COLOMBINA.)
COLOM. Immediately.
(Exit.)
DOCTOR (to LELIO): Shame on you!
LELIO: May I be struck dead if I ever utter another lie!
OTTAVIO: Mend your ways if you want to live with honest folk.
(Enter COLOMBINA with box of laces.)
ROSAURA: Here, sir impostor, are the laces you gave me. I'll have nothing of yours! (Gives box to LELIO.)
FLOR.: Why, I sent those laces!
BRIG.: Ay, I bought 'em for the young master. Paid ten zecchins for 'em at the Zign o' the Cat; and bade them be sent to Mrs. Rosaura with nary a name to 'em.
ROSAURA: Oh, now I understand! (Takes laces back.)
LELIO: Signor Florindo's silence stimulated me to acquire favour in the eyes of two beauties, and, to keep up the fable, I began to tell a few lies; and lies, being prolific, bred a thousand. Well, I suppose I must marry the Roman. Doctor -- Signora Rosaura -- I crave your pardon. Henceforward I declare myself a votary to truth.
(Exit.)
ARLE.: And here be the zong I larned this day:
Ne'er tell a lie, whate'er y'r intention;
But if ye're put to it hard ye may
Mek shift to scrape through wi' a witty invention.
(Trots out after LELIO.)
(The Rest left looking at closed door.)
CURTAIN.
END OF PLAY.
