Act 3

SCENE I.

[Piso, Victoria.]

PISO.

Why not me, Lady? stand not I as faire,

And fit for your embrace as any man?

VICTORIA.

Yes sir, tis granted; and as acceptable

I yeild to none.

PISO.

Tis but to try my Courtship, I presume,

That you put on this coynesse, and to draw

More ample testimony of affection,

By Protestation, Prayers, Compliments;

The weakest ceremonies due to love;

Meere noyse and Lip-labour, with losse of time.

I thinke with scorne upon such poore expressions,

And am above the art of Amorists,

That cringe and creepe by weake degrees of Love;

To Kisse the hand, the Cheek, the Lip, then cry

O Divine touch! then smirk, and then embrace,

Then nuzzle in the Elizium of your bosome,

And be entranc'd! meanes fit for duller spirits,

To gather heat and strength of appetite.

My desire speakes in Loves true dialect;

And, from my heart inflam'd, you may perceive

Loves fire rage in mine eyes, enough

To melt to yeildingnes a frozen breast.

In this I talke too much. I finde you yeilding.

VICTORIA.

And I my selfe too blame—

PISO.

Let us retire then.

VICTORIA.

Mistake me not good Signior. Keep your distance:

I blame my selfe to let you overweene

By my long silence, that immodesty

To be in me, that might embolden you

To your and my dishonor. Pray desist,

And let the friendly welcome you have found

Perswade your faire construction.

PISO.

Is this earnest?

VICTORIA.

Yes in sooth is it.

PISO.

I'le be playner then,

What make you here i'th' Smock-Faire, precious Mistris?

Or why these dressings, these perfumes and paintings?

Doe you weare the habit of our Curtezans,

And, by their art, call Gazers to your beauty,

Full of high hopes and flames of ardent Love,

Thus to delude, and make them witnesses

Of a cold seeming Chastity? what new Art

Is this? it cannot be to get a husband!

VICTORIA.

Nor a child neither sir, that's lesse.

PISO.

That's soone believ'd, yet, no disparagement

To your expert sufficiency in the trade:

For the best Carpenters make fewest chips,

There's very few of all your function fruitfull:

Yet some there be approved men at armes

Famous in publique service; and a many

Good handy craftsmen in the Arsenall

Bred by this bounteous City from such mothers

That nere could boast their fathers; and as many

Daughters (if they prove worthy in their feature)

Succeed their active Mothers in their fortunes.

VICTORIA.

You are better read then I sir.

PISO.

Tis common knowledge Lady. Nor do I

Read this t'informe your selfe, who were instructed

(I make no doubt) before your price was set,

By all examples to your present practise.

VICTORIA.

Sir, I must tell you now, you grow too lavish;

So, as I feare foule language; to'avoyd which

Let me intreat a faire departure hence.

PISO.

Lady, this overacted State might fit

The wife of a Clarissimo, or the bashfull

Daughter of some Patrician: but in you,

A piece set out to sale, it but appeares

Affected singularity, more unsutable

To the temptations you weare about you

Then th'holy seeming pictures in your Chamber.

VICTORIA.

Why should it trouble you sir?

PISO.

It dos, to thinke what new and secret aime

You may intend by this; in taking on you

The habit, and the name of Curtezan:

And, first, to set a price so far beyond

The strength of any ordinary meanes;

And then to shew a carriage that may strike

Lust out of countenance! O the Knot's dissolv'd!

O Oedipus! O Sphynx! I now have found it

You fish for Fishermen (tis pregnant truth)

Shee claps a Cardinall aboord at least:

Tis not a Lay-mans purse, or Learning can,

Or purchace, or confute you, ist not so?

VICTORIA.

Now you are foule indeed, and I must plead

My priviledge against you sir, you know

I have a freedome grounded upon custome

Here in this City, for a moneth to make

Choyce of my Lodging, set what price I please

Upon my selfe; admit what visitants

I shall thinke fit; no other, nor no more;

And this without controule, or least exception

Of you or any man; secur'd by th' City,

So safe from out-rages, that least abuse

May, on my just complaint, be punishable

In whomsoever by affront dares grive me.

PISO.

I feare shee'l prove another creature then

The Beast I tooke her for: shee knows her strength.

VICTORIA.

Yet thus much (for you are a Gentleman)

I'le yeild for satisfaction unexacted:

If in this Moneths space, in that honor'd way

(For I despaire not of a husband sir)

Of holy Marriage, I be not promov'd;

Nor, by that time prefix'd, the great Sum tenderd

(Great as you terme't) for my virginity;

And that I stoope for lesse, here is my hand,

I will be yours as freely as mine owne

At your own price.

PISO.

Said like a noble Wench,

Onely a word by way of friendly advise,

And so farewell. This Maydenhead of yours,

By you so highly pris'd; now being ripe

(And therein only merchantable ware)

Will, if you overslip the season, grow

Sodainly fulsome, streight way stale, then Rotten:

Think upon choycest Fruit, or Foule, or Fish,

Rich Wines, or any Rarity; how soone

Their vertue's lost.

VICTORIA.

I am enough instructed.

PISO.

Once more farewell—pray ponder on these things.

VICTORIA.

Feare not I shall.

PISO.

Could you consider how 'twould grieve a soule

Indued with Reason, Knowing, the true use

Of Nature's delicates, to see 'hem lost,

Or spoil'd for want of seasonable taking,

I know you would, and thanke me for my counsell.

VICTORIA.

Indeed and so I doe.

PISO.

Indeed farwell then.

[Exit.]

VICTORIA.

Hee's gone, at last the tedious storme is over.

I shall want day, as well as patience

T'indure and answer all the rest so largely,

See my sprightly Frenchman! I must looke

For a hot Onset now, though a short Skirmish.

[Enter Horatio, like a French cavalier, Paulo presents him.]

HORATIO.

Let me in my approach admire that Object

That vindicates the voyce of Fame, in proving

Shee was no Lyer in the lowd reports,

That blaz'd it for the Beauty of the World!

VICTORIA.

Good sit beware idolatry.

HORATIO.

The Egiptians,

Would they forbeare their wonted heathenish worship,

And fall in adoration of this face—

VICTORIA.

Indeed i'le heare no more.

HORATIO.

Lady you must,

You are so farre above the pitch of flattery

That highest courtship in our best of Language

Wants due expression of your supreame graces:

And not to tender you the heighth of prayse

Were mere Rusticity, rather prophanation.

VICTORIA.

Yet. Let me stay you there, and let me tell you

You have worded well your high conceipt of me,

But in a way so low, so undeserving

A courtiers art, that I have found you none.

HORATIO.

No Courtier Lady?

VICTORIA.

No, no Courtier sir,

How can it fall in courtly understanding,

That beauty can be conquerd by it's praise?

It breeds but lesse respect, and oft times scorne

From those that are ambitious of praise

On such praise-givers. And if you came onely

Thus to pronounce my praise, you have said enough.

HORATIO.

Nay dearest Lady, saving your displeasure—

I must come closer to her, shee'l forget

[Aside.]

Shee is a whore else.

VICTORIA.

Sir, your further pleasure

HORATIO.

To tell you, Lady, now I like your wit

Equally with your beauty; briefly of which

A word or two, and so unto our businesse.

(You tax me with the losse of time already)

You doe consider fitly, that to praise

What we would purchace makes the value higher:

It is the chapmans rule to discommend.

VICTORIA.

Right sir, were you to buy a Horse or Jewell,

You would not praise it past the price propounded.

HORATIO.

Yes, where I finde the worth exceed the price.

VICTORIA.

[Aside.]

(I am betray'd. Hee brings the Money sure)

HORATIO.

And, that you know I doe esteeme your worth

Above all Salary, I yeild my selfe,

Fraught with unvaluable Love and Honor

To be the due reward of your embraces.

VICTORIA.

What's this sir, to a thousand double Duccatts?

HORATIO.

You cannot thinke so poorely, or if so,

Perceive them in a taste of my endowments.

First see my late composure; where the flame

Of the soule-ravishing art of Poesy

May light your judgement 'bove the love of money.

VICTORIA.

You'l say my soule is noble, then if I

(As I protest I doe) complaine the wants

Of even the best professors of that art.

The words are set.

HORATIO.

To notes my voyce can master?

VICTORIA.

Please you to read 'hem sir, and in requitall

Of such a debt, my mayd shall sing 'hem for you.

[Enter Jacconetta.]

Jacconetta, observe this Dity.

[Hee Reades the Song.]


Let not the corrupted steame


Of invective breach blaspheme,


Ladies for those artfull graces


Which they lay upon their Faces:


Ceruse and Vermillion there


As aptly may be layd.


As (to cover Nature bare)


All other parts be clad.


Be wee sick in any part,


Pain'd, or Lame, we seeke to Art,


(Nature's Rector) to restore


Us, the strength we had before.


Who can say a Ladies Face


Lesse meriteth the cost,


Or the priviledge, or grace


Her other parts may boast?


Ladyes no, since Time may steale


Natures bounty, learne to heale;


And with nimble hand repaire


Teeth and Lips, Cheeks, Eyes and Haire;


Filling wrinkles, purling veynes:


That unperceav'd may be


Upon your lookes, the stroakes and paines


Of Age and Casualty.

Now try your voyce, Maide.

[JACCONETTA Sings.] [With some minor effort, you can fit it to the tune of "The Rambling Sailor." -- TF, 2023]

HORATIO.

However 'twas well Sung, you seeme to slight

In such requitall, my esteeme of you:

But yet there rests in me a quality,

I may suppose not so to be requited.

Please you command your Musick, I will Dance,

To what you first shall name of latest practise.

VICTORIA.

Your skill hath made you confident; and I

Do so much honour these endowments in you,

That I my selfe will answer you in this.

Name you the Dance sir.

HORATIO.

To come the closer to you, the Novella.

VICTORIA.

I am but weakly practis'd yet in that.

HORATIO.

Some other then.

VICTORIA.

No let it be the same.

Goe play it Jacconetta, the Novella.

[Exit JACCONETTA.]

HORATIO.

I doe begin to doubt my qualities

Will not passe here in payment at the rate

My schooling cost me, when shee repayes all

I can bestow, in the same coyne againe:

But since I'm in, i'le on, and make the best

Both Face and Legs I can in’t.

[Dance.]

How like you it Lady?

VICTORIA.

For so much sir as you have excell'd me

I crave your kind acceptance of my thanks.

HORATIO.

I still had rather you were pleas'd to accept

Me and my whole deservings. I come to you.

If you esteeme of Courtship, Language, Quality,

Sorting a Gentleman of best degree,

The Mixture of whose knowledge with his practise

Cost thrice your golden Son; let me and those

Be made the meed of your most sweet enjoying.

VICTORIA.

I will not make you such a loser sir,

But rather wish you had your money againe

Those excellencies cost.

HORATIO.

You doe not flout me Lady?

VICTORIA.

No, i'le speake plainly sir, these qualities

Might on some thriving Stage, and lucky legs

Bring you your money againe, winning, perhaps,

The love of some old Lady, by stirring up

The embers of affection, rather lust.

HORATIO.

Did ever woman talke so?

VICTORIA.

But certes here

They will not passe for ready money sir.

HORATIO.

I dreampt as much. Shee has a devillish wit.

VICTORIA.

My curtesie, sir, forbids me bid you hence;

But having private businesse of my own

I must crave leave to leave you to the thought

Of what two thousand Duccats are.

[Exit.]

HORATIO.

Be hand'd.

[Enter Paulo.]

PAULO/BURGIO.

Is it perform'd sir? have you done the feat?

HORATIO.

Pox o' your Fates.

PAULO/BURGIO.

Just as the Musick playd I warrant you

Sir, 'twas a moving Lesson; playd to th'life.

We struck it home, that you might do so too.

HORATIO.

The Rogue, too, jeeres me! sir I should doe well

To strike, or beat your undeserv'd Fee

Out of your bawdy Pocket.

PAULO/BURGIO.

As if you had not done the doe you came for!

What pretty wayes can Gentlemen find out

To save their moneys! 'Tis worth praise in some,

That have but little, or come hardly by't,

By travaile, study, or laborious toyle,

Deare shifts sometimes, and dangerous wayes with hazard—

HORATIO.

Very good!

PAULO/BURGIO.

But for you Gallants, that have, as it were

Wealth above with borne with you, and still growing

Up with you, past the reach of your expences;

And never sweat, but for your exercise,

Or what your exercises bring you to!

For you to thinke your pleasures costly; faine

Excuse for petty fees, now the great charge

Is paid, and your desire satisfied—

HORATIO.

No more.

PAULO/BURGIO.

Alas sir, what is a poore Duccatoun

After a thousand Duccats?—

HORATIO.

Ha' you done?

PAULO/BURGIO.

Would you had not; 'lesse my reward were better.

See, see, the bed made smoth againe and all!

(O precious craft!) as here had nothing been!

Well would yee were all as wise in greater matters.

HORATIO.

Tis the Rogues humor: I will give him something

For abusing me. There's your Duccatoun

To worke more affability in your Mistris

Against my next approach.

PAULO/BURGIO.

It seemes then yet

You are not cloyd with her deliciousnesse.

HORATIO.

Nor had one tast (I sweare by life and honour)

Of all my hopes, more then her Hand and Lips.

PAULO/BURGIO.

Have you not in that a double meaning sir?

HORATIO.

I vow, for ought I know shee is a virgin.

PAULO/BURGIO.

Y'have satisfied me, and perhaps my art

May in your absence worke a little for you.

HORATIO.

Thinke of me then.

PAULO/BURGIO.

My profit pricks me to it.

HORATIO.

Respect it then, Adieu.

[Exit.]

PAULO/BURGIO.

Serviteur Monsieur.

The feare of thee is past. I was almost

In a cold sweat: but all the danger now,

Lyes on the tother side o'th' house; my Don

My hot Goat-liver'd Diego, should he now

Discharge his Pistols on her, they would prove

More forcible then Cannon-shot on me.

[Enter Pedro, Victoria.]

Faith quit me of suspect. How big hee lookes!

As if he scorn'd repulse. If he grow violent

I'le bring the Duchman in to coole his pride,

And set them by the eares for our Low Countries.

[Exit.]

PEDRO.

I have not in all Spaine (where Majesty

Enthroned sits upon the brow of beauty,

And crowne the Ladies with prerogative

'Bove all the women of the Earth) incountred

With such a scorne, as here. Discourteous woman,

Worthlesse and ignorant of the weighty trust

Was tenderd to thee in my blood and honour.

VICTORIA.

Your blood and honour, will not feed or cloath mee.

PEDRO.

I will not change a word more with a mouth

So full of rudenes, and mechanick basenesse.

VICTORIA.

Not upon my submission sir?

PEDRO.

It must be great and sodaine if it move me.

VICTORIA.

Hee lookes that I should kneele and beg a Kisse.

PEDRO.

Why seeke you not to expiate your trespasse

By tender of your selfe to my embraces?

VICTORIA.

I cannot doe't: My virgin Modesty

Denyes that freedome.

PEDRO.

I'le no more delay,

I see tis only force must conquer you.

VICTORIA.

You will not ravish me! within there! help!

[Enter Paulo, Jacconetta.]

PAULO/BURGIO.

What! is the great some tender'd?

Doe you want hands to tell your money Mistris?

VICTORIA.

No, to take off the hands of Rape and Outrage

This proud imperious Spaniard grip'd me with.

PAULO/BURGIO.

Signior you must not gripe nor grope here

Under the sum prefix'd; two thousand Duccats.

We have arithmetique to receave them by

In your own Pistolets, or peeces of Eight

In Rialls, if you please; but not one single one

To be abated, my most thrifty Don;

Whom I cannot abuse enough me thinks,

I have seene one in your shape so well presented.

PEDRO.

Villaine, i'le have thee whipp'd for this affront,

Thy fault is punishable by the Law.

PAULO/BURGIO.

Not in defence of honour deare Don Tarquin.

Preventing Rape and Murder.

PEDRO.

Villaine die. [He drawes Pistoll.]

PAULO/BURGIO.

Not at this distance sir,

Besides here's ayd.

[Enter Swatzenburgh.]

SWATZENBURGH.

Hence you Muskitta. Give a look more this way

I'le force thee take thy wings out at the window.

PEDRO.

Borne down by Bravoes! let the place protect ye,

By my few minutes patience. My revenge

Shall shortly speake in thunder.

SWATZENBURGH.

Hold your peace;

And vent not here your lowd Rodomontadoes

Lest I spit lightning.

PEDRO.

Well sir I am silent.

PAULO/BURGIO.

Be so my politique Don. This Hans has snapt her;

The Dutch man carries her from your great claime:

And this may be an ominous portent

Against your title to the Netherlands,

It may hold in the great worke sir, as well

As in this small assay.

PEDRO.

Abus'd and Jeer'd!

PAULO/BURGIO.

Nor they heare me not my noble Signior,

I'le tell you for your satisfaction

This Alimanie is a younker that would marry her,

And shee nor I durst beare it otherwise,

(Knowing by chance he slipp'd into the house,

And overheard us) when you come againe

I will informe you further, you shall finde

My information worthy of a fee.

PEDRO.

Take from my hand a peece of foure Gazetts.

PAULO/BURGIO.

That's three pence sterling, you are bounteous sir,

So, now, looke bigge and vanish.

[Exit Pedro.]

VICTORIA.

I have not sir, in my short story strayd

In the least sillable from truth, and were

The eyes of all the world fix'd upon

My seeming Levity, my mind should be

Still constant as the center to that end

Reserv'd in my free thoughts.

SWATZENBURGH.

Why was the sum, then, of two thousand duccats

Proclaim'd the price of your virginity?

VICTORIA.

To keep the flesh flies off, you know my aime sir.

SWATZENBURGH.

I find the noble Lady; nor can I

Further attempt a breach upon your honor.

VICTORIA.

Upon those termes I pray sir be my Guest,

I have by this time a slight Dinner staying.

SWATZENBURGH.

You favours make me bold.

VICTORIA.

See all in readinesse Jacconet.

[Exit JACCONETTA.]

SWATZENBURGH.

I'le drinke a frolick Lady;

Mirth and good wine take me: My loose desire

Is to chast love refin'd by Vesta's fire.

[Exit.]

PAULO/BURGIO.

Am I a prophet? sure the Dutchman's tane

In a chast snare indeed. I did but forge it

For an excuse to calme and rid the Spaniard,

And he seemes to prevent my fiction: yet

Presumption shall not sway me. Womens wiles

Are oft times past prevention, and men catch

Sence of the wrongs, which to prevent they watch.

[Exeunt Omnes.]

On to Act 4