Act 3
SCENE ONE
Bragatto, Agnesina with two eggs in a bowl, and Lavinia. [Bragatto is stealing the eggs.]
BRA. Holy shit, my imagination's more focused on stealin' this tasty food from my boss than eatin' when I'm hungry. [Agnesina turns and sees.] Aw, look who’s here. Nesina, what you got there?
AGN. Oh, Bragatto, just the man I wanted to see.
BRA. What you need, girl? You lookin’ for somethin'?
AGN. Ma’am asked you to bring two eggs to her godmother.
BRA. Like these eggs?
AGN. Yes.
BRA. Well, we ain't got any better ones. I was just savin' 'em for ya.
AGN. Keep your own eggs for yourself, I don't want anything from you.
BRA. Don’t you care 'bout me, dear Nesina?
AGN. Oh, don't take it the wrong way, I don't mean any harm to you.
BRA. I'm tellin' ya, my love for you is big as – as a damn mountain!
AGN. You’d better carry away those eggs instead of getting carried away with me.
BRA. Lemme give you a little kiss.
AGN. By God's faith, if you try to kiss me, I'll hit you with this clog, you pig! [Removes her shoe and holds it like a weapon.] What do you mean by kissing me?
BRA. Hit me all you want, as long as I can kiss you.
AGN. Oh no, oh no, help, madam, help!
Bragatto flees, and as he runs away, he drops an egg on the ground. Lavinia hears the noise and enters the scene.
LAV. What's going on here?
AGN. Bragatto tried to kiss me.
LAV. Well, didn't you give him a taste of something else on his face?
AGN. Oh, I really wanted to hit him with this clog. He was stronger than me, he could have thrown me down.
LAV. Oh, now who broke an egg?
AGN. He did. You heard him; he started running away, and he dropped it on the ground.
LAV. Well, we’ll attend to it when he returns home. I believe we two agree, you and I, that there are too few servants and too many like him: I don’t know, but I hear, that in the evening, when it's time for dinner, that beast gets drunk on wine, calls in whores, and indulges in all manner of perversions; and moreover he takes so long that you have to call for him, and if you ask him why it took so long, he says it’s because “shit takes time to drop” — but I think he’s spewing it quick enough. Come on, let's go back inside.
SCENE TWO
Giovan Farina dressed as a merchant, with a basket of goods, enters the scene shouting. Agnesina hears him and comes to the door, calling him. Lavinia also enters the scene.
G.FA. Who needs Bavarian fabric, yo? I got some dope cambric, silk veils, all kinds of silk cords, thick and thin Bressan pins, and needles from Lanzo.
AGN. Sir, do you have Bavarian caps made of velvet?
G.FA. Yes, ma’am.
AGN. [Calling off stage.] Oh, ma’am? Come down here, this man has the caps you were looking for the other day.
LAV. [Entering.] Where are they?
G.FA. They're right here.
LAV. Do you have any nice undershirts?
G.FA. Yes, ma’am.
AGN. Let's go inside, ma’am. We'll discuss what you want more comfortably, instead of standing here on the street.
LAV. You're right, let's go in. Come inside with the basket.
G.FA. I'm comin’.
SCENE THREE
Bragatto alone.
BRA. Holy shit, my heart's still burnin' with rage. 'Cause when she wanted me to kiss her, I asked her to let me, and she said no, and I even broke an egg that I gave her, and now I only got one left for the godmother. Are you this damn cruel, Nesina? But let ‘em do their worst to me, let ‘em kill me – what’re they gonna do after that, huh? Screw it, I'm gonna dress up like a beggar so she won't recognize me. Let's see if I can catch her this time. Yeah, let’s do this!
SCENE FOUR
Lavinia, Giovan Farina, Agnesina. [Lavinia is beating G. Farina with a broom.]
LAV. You traitor! You pimp! Pretending to sell Bavarian fabric, so you can sneak me messages from Signor Camillo? Enough, no more, leave me alone!
G.FA. You're talkin' out your ass. I'm a decent dude!
AGN. Get lost, you pig, you pimp!
G.FA. You're a sow and a whore.
AGN. A whore? I’ll report you to the authorities for this slander!
G.FA. Shut your trap and shove your nose up your ass.
AGN. By God's faith, I'll hit your nose with this clog. [Throws a shoe at him.]
G.FA. Enough, enough, I’m going. Go back to the kitchen and lick the pots, so you'll be there when the dog comes around and asks if you're one of his damn puppies.
AGN. Look, ma’am, he's insulting me. I’ll give him a wallop right now.
LAV. [Holding her back.] Let him go, I'll make him get a beating that he'll never forget.
G.FA. Go ahead, beat me with your stick, and you, just try to report me for taking her my Bavarian fabric. I’ll show you a thing or two.
AGN. Come here, I'll give you a thing or two.
G.FA. Well, here’s somethin’ from me. [Throws back her shoe.]
AGN. Go to pieces, you filthy animal!
LAV. Come on, Agnesina, leave it to me. I'll make him get so many beatings that he'll regret it.
SCENE FIVE
Camillo, Lavinia, Agnesina.
CAM. Where under heaven could Giovan Farina have gone? I search in vain, unable to locate his presence amidst this vast expanse. Ah, but lo! A figure approaches, and my heart quickens its pace, for it bears the likeness of the beloved Signora Lavinia, whom I cherish with every fiber of my being. However, prudence dictates that I maintain a discreet distance, surreptitiously observing her countenance and listening to the words that escape her lips. Her visage bears the marks of distress, and my heart sinks in empathy for her plight. In this moment, I shall remain an invisible observer, privy to her sorrowful lamentations, eager to grasp any insight into the turbulence that besets her gentle soul.
LAV. What do you think, dear Agnesina? Should we report Zan Farina or just have him beaten? What do you think is better?
AGN. I want that pig to be beaten with stacks of reports!
CAM. It seems they have experienced some trouble with him. In this moment, I cannot stand idly by. It is imperative that I reveal myself, stepping forth from the shadows to confront the situation at hand. Good day, Signora Lavinia, my dear lady, what's the matter? Why are you so upset with my servant?
LAV. Indeed, I have reason to complain about him, and you as well because you have allowed him to behave in this way.
CAM. Do you find reason to lament my presence, dear Signora Lavinia? I, for my part, have never sown discord or strife in your path.
LAV. Enough, if this is a joke. Zan Farina, your disguised servant, arrived here. He made a show of selling trinkets, and I, who needed I don't know what, called him into the house, and once he was inside, he told me about your affairs, and he sought to give me a love-letter of yours, and besides that, he also said some very vile things. I tell you that this is no laughing matter.
CAM. Oh, my lady, could it be that Giovan Farina, driven by unfounded apprehensions, has orchestrated this turn of events? Knowing that he suspects my love for you, day and night, to the point that I can find no rest, I say that he must have done this not to insult your Excellency, but only to ensure that you are not the cause of my death.
LAV. It’s no concern of mine. Let's go inside, Agnesina.
AGN. Let's go. [The women exit.]
CAM Oh, ill-fated and sorrowful Camillo, your fortune is one of relentless despair, for prayers remain unanswered, long service goes unrecognized, and all endeavors prove futile. Oh, heavens, why do you stand in such opposition to my yearning heart? Why am I condemned to love one who shows no mercy, despite the intensity of my affection? Oh, wretched and treacherous love, you have led me to this dire state, where my efforts yield naught but bitter fruits of sorrow. Ah, ungrateful Lavinia, is this to be the reward for my tireless endeavors, my ceaseless sighs, and the torment that engulfs me? Alas, why do I enumerate my sorrows? They are countless, and dwelling upon them shall only amplify my anguish. It is wiser, then, that I set forth in search of Giovan Farina, that we may discuss this tumultuous matter and seek a glimmer of understanding amidst this sea of despair.