Actus

When the curtain rises, the Fiddler is seen in the foreground asleep. On the platform at the back are Twinkletoes and Soso. Twinkletoes, a boy, is lying on the parapet leaning far over intent upon something below. He is waving his legs and arms in wild excitement and crowing exultantly. Soso, a girl, is hanging on to his coat with one hand trying to pull him back while with the other arm she screens her face, which is too near Twinkletoes rapidly moving legs for comfort. 

On the floor near the parapet stands a scrubbing pail with a mop leaning against it.

TWINKLETOES (joyously while the curtain is rising): Hi! Hi! Hi! Oh! I say! Oh! I say! 

SOSO (emphasizing each word with a jerk at his coat): Twinkletoes! Twinkletoes! Do get up! You'll fall off again, and the last time you landed on the gleaming stair-way, and you made a frightful splotch!

TWINKLETOES (jerking himself free from her grasp and raising his head): Let me alone, Soso! There's some one coming! I tell you, some two or three or four -- oh, lots of them! 

The FIDDLER stirs slightly. SOSO and TWINKLETOES turn toward him and listen a moment, SOSO with a warning finger on her lip. Then with a shrug, TWINKLETOES turns back to look over the parapet again, and SOSO moving on tiptoe goes back to the pail and picks up her mop. 

SOSO (in a low voice as she wrings out the mop cloth): Do come and help me finish the work, Twinkletoes. The Fiddler will be waking in a moment. Listen! (She pauses. TWINKLETOES reluctantly raises his head.) Didn't he laugh in his sleep just then? (She waits a moment but TWINKLETOES has returned to his view.) That means he is dreaming some new music and he'll want to play it as soon as he wakes. Run and get his fiddle, please, Twinkletoes! And I'll make the mother of pearl and the malachite shine, so that they will reflect the colors of his song. (She begins to mop energetically. Then impatiently:) Twinkletoes! 

TWINKLETOES (sitting up suddenly and facing her): Bother the fiddle and the work! I tell you, there are strange people coming. They're almost halfway up the stairs now, and there are lots of them! Wild people! People we've never seen before here in the Land at the Foot of the Rainbow! Look at them! Look at them! (He points down over the parapet.) See, there are two of them! They are carrying something! (SOSO, mopstick in hand, timidly tiptoes to his side and looks over.) And look at the one in the patched suit who isn't fierce like the rest! The one leading the way! Watch him wave to the others to hurry! 

SOSO (in amazement): Why, those aren't lovers! They can't be lovers! They're not like any one I ever saw before. (Disappointed.) We've always had lovers before. 

TWINKLETOES (scornfully): Huh! Well, I guess they're not lovers! Look at the cutlasses they've got, and the daggers... Whew! 

SOSO (clinging to him.) Oh, they frighten me! See their faces? Oh, they are terrible! Terrible! 

TWINKLETOES (glancing around apprehensively at the sleeper): Hush! You'll wake the Fiddler. 

SOSO. He ought to wake! He ought to know! 

TWINKLETOES (again looking around): Hush! He'll wake soon enough, and he's so cross when you wake him! (Trying to divert Soso's attention.) See? They've stopped to rest. (Pointing over the parapet.) Look! See the checkered fellow now? He doesn't want them to sit down. 

SOSO (looking over the parapet again): And the big one with the enormous earrings? Why, he's wiping his eyes! And the funny one with the high hat and the black bag? What's he?

TWINKLETOES: How should I know? (Jumping about.) Oh what fun, what fun, what fun! More folk to be fooled! Poor fools! Poor silly fools! (He sings. During the song SOSO shows that she disagrees with him and disapproves of his rejoicing in others misfortunes by shaking her head when he nods his, etc.)

[Tune: "Put Down Six and Carry Two" from Babes in Toyland.]
Oh, what fools these mortals be!
So said Puck! So say I!
Always seeking eagerly,
Looking low, looking high,
All the time in search of gold,
Climbing all this way...
And when they come, what will they find?
(Chuckling.) Well, you'll see today!

When the song ends the two sit together on the parapet interestedly watching the people below. The FIDDLER wakes, stretches himself, throws back his head and then gazes dreamily into space.

FIDDLER: Oh, what music what music I shall make! Even here, in the Land at the Foot of the Rainbow, no one has ever heard its like before! But they shall hear it! (Calling Twinkletoes.) My fiddle! (To himself, dreamily.) And as for mortals they shall hear my melodies in the rain falling. (Calling again and clapping his hands impatiently.) Twinkletoes, Twinkletoes! I say! Where is the vagabond? (Catching sight of the two on the parapet who are too absorbed to hear a word.) Gazing down to earth as usual, waiting greedily for the next poor mortal who shall labor up our gleaming stairway in a vain search for gold! Poor mortals! Poor foolish mortals! Why seek for gold up here when all of life is full of golden moments? 

TWINKLETOES (exultantly): They're coming! They're coming! They're coming! I say! 

FIDDLER (startled, leaping to his feet and approaching the parapet): Who's coming? 

SOSO guiltily hurries back to her mop and pail.

TWINKLETOES: Look! Look! More folks to be fooled! 

The FIDDLER looks over the parapet, then with a quick gesture he beckons to TWINKLETOES and SOSO. 

FIDDLER: Come away! We must hide! We'll listen and find out who they are and what they want. Then, when we know, we'll come back and tease them a little and see what they do. 

They come down to the front and hide from the view of any one on the stage between the front of the screen at the right and the stage curtain, where the audience can still see them, however. SOSO carefully sets down her mop and pail and seats herself close to TWINKLETOES. The FIDDLER kneels behind them. Throughout the next scene they listen carefully with evident enjoyment. 

Almost at once a head appears over the parapet and in a moment HARLEQUIN leaps lightly on to the stage. He glances swiftly about, then calls back to those behind. 

HARLEQUIN: Here we are! Hurry! We're in time! 

The PIRATE CAPTAIN next appears. He clambers over the parapet with some difficulty, watches with a frown the ascent of the two knaves who carry the treasure chest, and when that is bestowed safely down stage, sits down on it and at first pays no attention to what is going on. 

The DOCTOR follows close on the CAPTAIN'S heels. As soon as his patient is seated, he busies himself in making observations of the CAPTAIN'S temperature and pulse with the aid of several strange instruments. The CAPTAIN submits patiently. This pantomime continues to the first mention of COLUMBINE. 

Following the DOCTOR comes the SECOND IN COMMAND who stops breathless on the parapet. 

HARLEQUIN (to the SECOND IN COMMAND): Lo! We are here!

SECOND IN COMMAND (mopping his brow and panting): Low? I calls it high! 

The other PIRATES straggle on dejectedly and shuffle across the platform. 

HARLEQUIN (looking about at the company): Whatever is the matter? Why these hangdog expressions? 

SECOND IN COMMAND: Stow that gaff! Shiver my timbers! Can't a man stop to draw breath? (Turning to the crew and bustling among them.) Come come my hearties, cheer up! We've arrived! (He slaps one on the back.) 

ONE OF THE CREW: It's about time! I thought we'd never get here!

A FAT PIRATE (wiping his face with a red bandanna): Here! What is this here, anyway? 

HARLEQUIN: This is the Foot of the Rainbow! 

SECOND IN COMMAND: Where the pot of gold is buried! 

TWINKLETOES nudges SOSO and grins meaningly. 

THE FAT PIRATE (wringing the moisture out of his bandanna and puffing): Oh! Yes, of course! Well, I hope it's worth it! I counted a hundred and ninety three steps coming up! Whoo-oo! (He wheezes.) 

SECOND IN COMMAND (patting him on the shoulder): Heave ho for a jolly tar! Did you think your old sea legs wouldn't stand this trip aloft? Why, Od's bodikin, man, before you know it, we'll have that pot of gold and go sliding down the rigging to the Gypsy Jane that's moored at the bottom of these stairs, that's what! (The crew cheer mildly.)

ANOTHER PIRATE: Aye, it's the gold we're after! And we aren't afraid to fight for it, either! 

TWINKLETOES starts to chuckle but the FIDDLER puts a hand swiftly over his mouth. 

A VERY YOUNG PIRATE (flourishing a dagger): Just let any fellow try to stop me! I'll get the treasure! 

SECOND IN COMMAND: That's better now! That's better! No use crying over what cannot be helped. Cheer up, my hearties! Avast now! Let's steer a straight course for the gold and haul it off! 

THE PIRATES: Aye! Aye! The gold! The pot of gold! The gold! 

THE FAT PIRATE: An' then yo! ho! for the high seas with a gray sky and a piping gale behind! 

SECOND IN COMMAND: Silence! First let's get the lay of the land! Here you -- (He points out four of the crew among them the Bo's'n) -- Be off! Scout around! Keep a weather eye out for trouble! Post lookouts! (The four go out.) Ho, Harlequin! (HARLEQUIN turns from the parapet where he has been looking anxiously down as if watching for some one.) You brought us here! Now lead us to the goal of all our climbing! 

The PIRATES flourish daggers and cutlasses and cheer approvingly. 

HARLEQUIN (pirouetting to the center of the stage and raising his hand for silence): One moment! Did you not promise to wait for Pierrot and Columbine? 

The CAPTAIN groans. The DOCTOR drops his instruments. The crew look at one another in despair. But Soso listens with new interest.

DOCTOR (aside, in a hoarse whisper to HARLEQUIN): Hush! Hush! Have you forgotten that you must not speak of any woman when the Captain's by? (The CAPTAIN groans more lugubriously.) 

HARLEQUIN (with another pirouette, shrugging): Well, Pierrot, my rival, if you would rather talk about him -- though I wouldn't! He's coming here today, I've told you so a thousand times, to get the pot of gold we're after too. (The FIDDLER and TWINKLETOES wink at each other.) He wants it as a dowry for his bride. 

CREW (agonized): Dowry! 

The CAPTAIN starts in anguish and drops his head into his hands. Gusty sighs shake his frame. The DOCTOR begins to observe his symptoms all over again.

SECOND IN COMMAND: [Recitative; tune: "Captain Bing."]
Don't speak of dowries here with us!
We've got a dowry too!
And with that plagued box of gold
We don't know what to do! 

CREW (pointing to the chest on which the CAPTAIN is sitting):
And with that plagued box of gold
We don't know what to do! 

SECOND IN COMMAND:
You see it is the Captain's ward's,
The ward whom he mislaid!
And he is such an honest man
He feels it must be paid!

CREW (shaking their heads sadly):
Yes, he is such an honest man
He feels it must be paid!

SECOND IN COMMAND:
Her parents left it in his charge
Just sixteen years ago.
Of course he made them walk the plank!
The babe he did not know.

CREW (matter of factly):
Of course he made them walk the plank!
The babe he did not know.

SECOND IN COMMAND:
Alas! He's never found the child.
He's hunted all these years.
And that he cannot keep his trust
Is the cause of all his tears. 

CREW (breaking down and weeping bitterly):
Aye, that he cannot keep his trust
Is the cause of all our tears! 

As the song ends the DOCTOR puts away his instruments and jots down a few remarks in his notebook. The CAPTAIN sits with slack mouth and drooping head, the picture of despair. The SECOND IN COMMAND wipes his eyes and clears his throat gruffly. SOSO wipes away a tear. TWINKLETOES looks disgustedly at the CAPTAIN. The FIDDLER nods knowingly. 

HARLEQUIN (striking an attitude, toe out in a bal pointé): What I can't understand is why can't he find her? Hasn't he any clue? 

SECOND IN COMMAND: Clues! Humph! Her parents told him that she was the most beautiful baby in the world. But on my soul we found a million to answer that description, if you listen to what the mothers have to say about them!

HARLEQUIN (sympathetically): Mothers would! 

SECOND IN COMMAND: And they told him, too, the Captain's ward's parents I mean -- shiver my timbers! I wish we'd never have drowned the turtledoves, that their child had a voice like bells ringing when one is happiest! But we've never found any one with a voice like that. 

FAT PIRATE (dolefully): And never will. 

The other PIRATES sadly nod agreement. The CAPTAIN sobs audibly. 

DOCTOR (timidly coming forward and stammering in his anxiety): I must beg of you, gentlemen, that you desist. Your discussion penetrating by way of the tympanic membrane the auditory ossicles and the inner ear to the cerebral hemispheres -- 

VERY YOUNG PIRATES: Gory gudgeons! What's all that? 

DOCTOR (ignoring the interruption): -- is aggravating the already alarming condition of my patient! 

HARLEQUIN regards the DOCTOR with an amused smile.

SECOND IN COMMAND: Oh! Shut him up or he will never stop! 

DOCTOR (continuing undisturbed): -- And extreme depression, especially at such a high altitude, is apt to prove fatal.

The crew stare in open mouthed dismay at the DOCTOR. The CAPTAIN buries his face in his hands. 

SECOND IN COMMAND (in despair to HARLEQUIN): You might as well try to stop the waves on the sand! 

DOCTOR: I observe both exrhythmus and exphysesis --

SECOND IN COMMAND: Oh, put some rope down his gullet! 

DOCTOR: -- and at the present, reading my aneroid barometer, attached to his medulla oblongata, registers -- (pausing to consult his notebook) -- er -- er -- somewhat under 26º (shaking his head) which is indicative of threatened concussional cerebritis. 

ONE OF THE CREW: Sarah who? 

DOCTOR (pompously): -- and the hygrometer -- (again consulting notebook) -- er -- er -- has almost reached -- er -- 100º at which point tears are bound to brim over! (Plaintively.) Would you make your noble Captain weep?

HARLEQUIN turns away shrugging. The crew regard each other with scared expressions, then they all turn and stare at the CAPTAIN, who has settled down again into gloomy silence. 

SECOND IN COMMAND (putting on his fiercest frown and advancing on the DOCTOR): Oh, come on now, doc, stow that! (The DOCTOR falls back step by step as the SECOND IN COMMAND advances.) Who said this little excursion would benefit the Captain, take his mind off his troubles, cheer the crew? Wasn't it you? You! What kind of a medical adviser are you anyway? Has it done it, I ask you? Has it done it? 

DOCTOR (Scurrying to a safe place behind the CAPTAIN): Y-y-yes-s sir! N-n-n-no sir! 

TWINKLETOES enjoys this scene of intimidation but SOSO covers her eyes and the FIDDLER shakes his head. The CAPTAIN pays no attention to any one. Occasionally he passes a weary hand over his eyes and sighs piteously. The DOCTOR wipes the cold sweat from his brow.

SECOND IN COMMAND (turning to HARLEQUIN): Well! I must say this is a fine kettle of fish! You with your story of treasure buried in a cave at the Foot of the Rainbow! Humph! I might have known you'd land us somewhere out of latitude and longitude! Well, what are we waiting for? 

HARLEQUIN: I told you! For Pierrot, and -- (in a stage whisper)  -- and Columbine. 

SECOND IN COMMAND: But what's the idea of making us hang around in the offing until that girl gets here? Can't you manage her alone? I tell you, this is playing the deuce with the Captain's tender feelings! 

DOCTOR (fervently): That's the truth! 

HARLEQUIN (with a flourish): But you must wait! I told you I'm to rescue Columbine!  

SECOND IN COMMAND: Rescue Columbine! Blowed if I get your idea! Rescue her from whom? 

HARLEQUIN: From you.

SECOND IN COMMAND: From me! Nonsense! Now, see here, Patches! You just let us dig out the gold and get away. Then when that girl heaves in sight, rescue her from the other fellow -- Pierrot you call him -- if you've got to rescue her from some one. 

The CAPTAIN wipes a tear from his eye with the back of his hand. 

HARLEQUIN: But -- 

SECOND IN COMMAND: Now what's the matter with that? Isn't that rescue enough? Just send the other fellow down to Davy Jones's locker at the bottom of the sea and carry off the lady, all sails set!

HARLEQUIN (moving away with a quick pas de basque step): But you don't understand! I don't know where the gold is hidden! 

The FIDDLER rises and peers out at HARLEQUIN from his hiding place.

SECOND IN COMMAND (screaming): What! 

CREW (in wild excitement): What? No gold! He doesn't know where the gold is? By the bloated whale! A fine story! A likely yarn! (They threaten HARLEQUIN with their weapons.) 

HARLEQUIN: No! No! You don't understand! There's plenty of gold! It's in a cave somewhere up here. Only I don't know just where! But Pierrot does! 

ONE OF THE CREW: What's he got to do with us, Patches? 

HARLEQUIN: Oh, don't you see? He'll be here soon any minute now, he and Columbine whom I love! 

SOSO clasps her hands delightedly. The CAPTAIN produces a handkerchief and wipes his eyes. 

ANOTHER PIRATE: A lot we care about that! But the gold -- 

HARLEQUIN: Yes, the gold. Now listen, When they get here you will attack them. (The PIRATES nod vigorously.) Then I will come to Columbine's aid and save her from you, eh? 

SECOND IN COMMAND: Oh, I see now! Stage a rescue! 

HARLEQUIN (ignoring his sneer): And take her back to earth with a flourish as my true love! (SOSO heaves a romantic sigh.) Meanwhile, you valiant men are to make Pierrot show you where the gold is and set him free in payment for it -- that is, after Columbine and I have gone!

THE FAT PIRATE (scratching his head): Set him free? What for? 

OTHER PIRATES: Not make him walk the plank? Spare him? Free him? 

HARLEQUIN: Of course! Of course! You mustn't hurt him. You must free him. Promise me that, or Columbine would never forgive me, never! (The crew laugh unpleasantly.) 

SECOND IN COMMAND: Swash my topsails if that isn't like a blasted landlubber! Not hurt him? Well, the fishes and the mermaids will be kind to him, never fear! 

THE FAT PIRATE: Take an old salt's advice, boy, and let us put him out of the way. You'll never be easy a minute if you don't. 

VERY YOUNG PIRATE: Just carry off the lady in true cave man style! She'll never think of Pierrot again! (The FIDDLER shakes his head.)

HARLEQUIN: I couldn't be happy if I thought Pierrot were to suffer! I only want Columbine to think me a hero and love me more than she does him! 

As this dialogue has progressed, the CAPTAIN has become more and more overwhelmed with tears. At intervals he sobs violently. The DOCTOR has tried in vain to quiet him. Now in distraction, he motions for silence. 

DOCTOR (with a killing air of importance): [Recitative, tune: "Jovial Old King Cole" from The House that Jack Built.]
Alas, the Captain's malady increases
With the years because you see he fears
That as each goes by, the time is drawing nearer
For the marriage of his ward!
(Singing) And there is nothing so abhorred
As guardians who break their trust!

SECOND IN COMMAND (echoing drearily):
Yes, there is nothing so abhorred
As guardians who break their trust! 

DOCTOR (in a passionate crescendo):
And so he must he must find his ward!

DOCTOR SECOND IN COMMAND AND CREW:
For there is nothing so abhorred
As guardians who break their trust!

DOCTER (recitative):
Now I am just a very young M.D.,
But I've absorbed my science thoroughly!
And I'm guaranteed to ferret out a smile
If you have one anywhere!
(Singing) Ah, but defeat I must confess
Because I guess I can't beguile
The Captain's one-time radiant smile
Until he finds his long sought ward!

SECOND IN COMMAND AND CREW (fiercely):
Yes, defeat he must confess!
He can't beguile the Captain's smile
Until we find that long sought ward
And deliver her dowry's yellow hoard!

HARLEQUIN: It's very sad! 

DOCTOR: Yes, very sad! 

SECOND IN COMMAND (woebegone): Yes, very, very sad indeed! 

The stage grows darke.r As the last measures of the music are repeated, gloom descends on them all. There is a silence broken only by the CAPTAIN'S sobs, to which the music is a pathetic echo. Then from afar, at the rear, comes singing. HARLEQUIN tiptoes to the parapet and looks over.

HARLEQUIN: It is they! 

He glides back to the right against the curtain where he will not be seen from the parapet. The DOCTOR touches the CAPTAIN on the shoulder and points off to the left. With an effort, the CAPTAIN rises, gestures to two PIRATES to pick up the chest, and follows them off to the left. The Doctor is close at his patient's heels. The SECOND IN COMMAND and remaining pirates tiptoe off to the right with exaggerated caution. SOSO and TWINKLETOES rise and turn to look questioning at the FIDDLER. He puts his finger on his lip and they turn again and peer out across the darkening stage toward the parapet. As the newcomers advance up the stairway the words of their song become more and more distinct. 

TWO LITTLE PIERROTS (appearing over the parapet carrying huge yellow lanterns): [Tune: chorus of "In a Little Spanish Town."]
Up a step and up a step we climb into the sky.
Far below our feet we see the little earth go by.
Columbine's searching for gold
And the Fiddler's old.
With a dowry Pierrot and Columbine could wed,
But she's none and so they seek the pot of gold instead!
With lanterns aglow, escorting Pierrot,
Up a step and up a step we climb into the sky.
(Calling.) Pierrot!

PIERROT enters. 

LITTLE PIERROTS (saluting): Pierrot! [PIERROT helps COLUMBINE over the parapet.] Columbine! 

The lovers stand near the parapet. HARLEQUIN is watching them from the shadows. SOSO is ecstatic, TWINKLETOES bored, the FIDDLER smiling indulgently. 

PIERROT: And now, my fairy princess, we have reached the Foot of the Rainbow and the end of the fairy story. All that remains for us is to take the pot of gold and go back to live happily ever after. 

COLUMBINE: Ah, Pierrot, it is you who have brought us safely out of all our adventures, you who have sung to us and cheered us on the long road that leads to the Rainbow's end, you will make life happy ever after! (They sit down front stage.) 

PIERROT: Nay, it is love that has wandered the world over, with us lighting our way with his great yellow lantern, the moon and sorrow and fear and longing for the earth faded from our hearts! But dreams were very near rapturous dreams of happiness to be And now our dreams come true.
[Tune: chorus of "Can It Be Love At Last" from Fiddler's Three. ]
(He sings.) Love closed your heart to grief,
Dust of stars clouding your sight.
Love wove into your dreams, dear,
Gay patterns of rainbow light.
But now the dreamtime's o'er,
And we find life is more fair,
Let's seek the earth again, dear,
And live all we've dreamed of there.

They sit together in silence for a moment. The LITTLE PIERROTS stand one at either side. There is no light on the forestage. The FIDDLER touches TWINKLETOES and SOSO gently on the shoulder and beckons. The three disappear behind the curtain at the right. 

COLUMBINE (turning with a sigh to look back over the parapet at the earth): How beautiful it is, the kind little earth we left behind, how full of smiles and song and happiness! Let us go back quickly, Pierrot, and seek a dowry somewhere else, not here. Come, it is dreary and cold. 

They rise. The SECOND IN COMMAND thrusts his head out cautiously around the corner of the screen at the right and surveys the stage. The Bo's'n's head appears around the screen at the left. Simultaneously they beckon to those behind.

PIERROT: Courage a little longer, sweetheart! (He points down over the parapet.) See there at the foot of the stairway, the glint of spreading wings! Our shallop waits! Soon we can turn back! But now, be brave! Be loved! (He holds out his hand to her.) Come! Let us go and find the Fiddler. 

The LITTLE PIERROTS step forward holding their lanterns high. The lovers follow, looking only at each other. HARLEQUIN moves back out of their sight. Just then the PIRATES, led on the right by the SECOND IN COMMAND and on the left by the BO'S'N burst onto the stage yelling wildly and singing. 

PIRATES (exultantly): [Tune: chorus of "Robber's March" from Chu Chin Chow.]
Yo! ho! for the Bloody Buccaneers!
And yo! ho! ho! the "Gypsy Jane!"
Oh, many a ship we'll scuttle and sink
In the deep and secret main!
Yo! ho! for our hoards of treasures old!
And yo! ho! ho! the gallows high!
For the Skull and Bones and for Davy Jones
And for those who are about to die!

At the first glimpse of the attackers COLUMBINE clings to PIERROT, who tries to retreat with her to the parapet. But the PIRATES surround them, shrieking their song and brandishing their weapons. The lovers are torn apart. PIERROT, half stunned by a blow, is tied at the front of the stage. COLUMBINE, held captive by two of the crew, is dragged back toward the parapet. The FAT PIRATE seizes the LITTLE PIERROTS. Just as the song ends, the CAPTAIN enters slowly from the left, still very mournful. The DOCTOR is with him, and the two KNAVES with the treasure chest. 

SECOND IN COMMAND (waving a threatening cutlass over PIERROT): Look sharp, you dirty landlubber! Blowed if I don't shiver your toplights, unless you lead us to the gold -- and quick about it too! 

PIRATES (yelling): Gold! The gold! Come along! Quick! The gold! 

COLUMBINE: Pierrot! Beloved! Pierrot! Beloved! 

The CAPTAIN groans violently, then he stares for a long moment at COLUMBINE with an expression that is part amazement, part hope. 

SECOND IN COMMAND (hearing the groan, whirls about then seeing the CAPTAIN advances hastily on COLUMBINE): Stow that gab! No woman speaks when the Captain's within hail! (Shaking his head, the CAPTAIN turns away.) 

DOCTOR (tapping his forehead significantly and pointing over his shoulder at his patient to the FAT PIRATE): He can't get that voice business out of his head! (Scornfully.) Bells ringing, indeed! Bells in his belfry! 

FAT PIRATE: Voice business? Bells ringing? (He scratches his head then shrugs as if he thought the DOCTOR quite hopelessly crazy. The other PIRATES mutter excitedly to one another.) 

SECOND IN COMMAND (to the DOCTOR): Stow that! (The DOCTOR sidles over to where the CAPTAIN has sunk down again on the treasure chest. To the FAT PIRATE:) Here you! (In a loud voice to the crew:) There's too much commotion! (The PIRATES fall silent.) Swash my topsails, is this an orderly treasure hunt or is it not? You, Bo's'n! (The BO'S'N steps forward and salutes.) Did you spot any caves when you were out scouting about? 

BO'S'N (in a cracked voice): Aye, aye, sir! Over yon, sir! (He points to the left.) And I'll bring this whey-faced bag of bones who's to save us all the trouble of searching! (He strides across toward PIERROT.) 

VERY YOUNG PIRATE (kicking PIERROT roughly): Stir your stumps! (PIERROT staggers about.) 

COLUMBINE (in terror, breaking away from her captor and throwing herself on her knees before the SECOND IN COMMAND): Oh please! Please spare him! Spare Pierrot! He doesn't know where the gold is hidden! 

SECOND IN COMMAND (staring open mouthed): Doesn't know? But he said -- (Turning to point at HARLEQUIN.) 

COLUMBINE: We know nothing, I tell you, we know nothing! We're looking for the Fiddler, and we don't want the gold -- not much gold, only just enough for a dowry! 

There is a moment of sinister quiet then a terrible groan from the CAPTAIN. The DOCTOR adjusts a stethoscope hurriedly and listens to his patient's heart. 

SECOND IN COMMAND (waving his cutlass more threateningly than ever, thunderingly to COLUMBINE): Silence! 

COLUMBINE shrinks away in fear. HARLEQUIN, who has been waiting for this moment, dances forward, motions the SECOND IN COMMAND out of the way, and gently raises COLUMBINE from her knees. 

HARLEQUIN (grandiloquently to the SECOND IN COMMAND): Put up your sword! Put up your sword! Put up your sword, I say! Don't dare to frighten her! (Slowly the SECOND IN COMMAND lowers his cutlass, but he looks from HARLEQUIN to the girl and back again mistrustfully.) Come, Columbine come! Come away, back to the earth, the dear kind earth you love! (He half leads, half carries her toward the parapet.) 

The SECOND IN COMMAND starts after them, then glancing at the CAPTAIN who is sitting with his head in his hands, he shakes his head. 

SECOND IN COMMAND (falling back a step to HARLEQUIN gruffly): By the jumping porpoises! Get that woman out of the way! 

COLUMBINE (turning toward her lover who is watching her dazedly): Pierrot! Pierrot! 

Again the CAPTAIN starts, again he looks long at COLUMBINE. Just at this moment the sound of fiddling comes from off stage at the right. PIERROT raises his head, listening as if with new hope. The VERY YOUNG PIRATE tightens his grasp on PIERROT. The SECOND IN COMMAND, turning to face the sound, backs across the stage toward the corner where the LITTLE PIERROTS are huddled under the threatening eye of the FAT PIRATE. The DOCTOR settles his tie and his waistcoat and looks in the direction of the sound. HARLEQUIN stands close to the parapet, his hand on COLUMBINE's arm. 

COLUMBINE: Oh! Oh! What is that? 

The FIDDLER dances in, scraping an old fashioned fiddle and closely followed by TWINKLETOES and SOSO, hand in hand, mimicking every step of the FIDDLER'S little dance. At the right of the company the FIDDLER stops in the middle of a glide and peers about at them. TWINKLETOES and SOSO stop too. 

FIDDLER: Well bless my soul! Bless my soul! (Turning and winking elaborately at TWINKLETOES.) What's all this?

COLUMBINE (breaking away from HARLEQUIN's detaining hand and running across to the FIDDLER): Oh, you're the Fiddler, the Fiddler my godmother told me about! Oh, save him, save him from these horrible pirates! (The CAPTAIN listens intently to every word COLUMBINE speaks.) 

FIDDLER: Save whom? 

COLUMBINE: Pierrot! 

FIDDLER: And who is Pierrot? Why save Pierrot? 

COLUMBINE: That is he! And I I love him! 

SOSO clasps her hands at her breast and looks beseechingly at the FIDDLER.

FIDDLER: I understand. (He motions to COLUMBINE to step back) And who are these? (He surveys the rest.) 

SECOND IN COMMAND (stepping forward briskly and saluting): Officers and men of the brig "Gypsy Jane," sir, Captain Peg commanding. (He points to the CAPTAIN.) 

FIDDLER: Are you here for a picnic? 

SECOND IN COMMAND: Not on your topsail halyard! Fact is, Harlequin yonder put us wise to a bit of treasure up here. 

FIDDLER: Ah, yes, that everlasting pot of gold. (TWINKLETOES covers a grin with his hand.)

SECOND IN COMMAND: Better hand it over, mateys! We're desperate fellows. )The PIRATES snarl ferociously.) And there's a lot more of us just gone out over yonder to look for the cave. The gold's in a cave, isn't it? 

FIDDLER (grinning): That's where it was buried! Twinkletoes! Soso! 

TWINKLETOES (skipping forward and bowing): Here! 

SOSO (curtsying): Here! 

FIDDLER: Lead these gentlemen to the cavern where ages ago the pot of gold was hidden. Let's have lights and music! 

He motions to the LITTLE PIERROTS who step for ward to light the way. SOSO and TWINKLETOES, singing the air but not the words of TWINKLETOES song [Tune of "Put Down Six and Carry Two" again] and clapping their hands in time to the music, dance out left. The SECOND IN COMMAND and the VERY YOUNG PIRATE follow The FAT PIRATE and the other PIRATE, carrying the treasure chest, the CAPTAIN and the DOCTOR bring up the rear. Just as he leaves the stage, the CAPTAIN turns once more and fixes his mournful eyes on COLUMBINE. Then, sighing deeply, he goes out.

FIDDLER (watching them out of sight then turning with a comical little shrug): That was easy! (To the three on the stage:) But you -- I fear you will have to settle things for yourselves. Love is something I never dabble in, nor meddle with! 

He sits on the parapet looking far off, as if he were not interested in them at all. PIERROT stands at the front of the stage, mute, bowed, despairing. COLUMBINE crouches at the edge of the platform with HARLEQUIN beside her. HARLEQUIN looks down at her for a moment with a tender smile. He bends over her protectingly. Then as she raises her head, he pleads with her wordlessly, imploring her love. At first COLUMBINE only shakes her head gently. HARLEQUIN persists. He grows more ardent. He tries to show her what a splendid fellow he is. COLUMBINE spurns him. When he draws near, she flies from him. HARLEQUIN pursues her. PIERROT, raising his head, sees HARLEQUIN about to embrace COLUMBINE, who is shrinking from his arms. PIERROT starts forward. COLUMBINE stretches out her hands to him. HARLEQUIN draws back. PIERROT holds out his arms and COLUMBINE flies to him. HARLEQUIN turns away in anguish.

FIDDLER (rising and coming forward, chuckling): Well, that was easy too! (To HARLEQUIN:) And you, poor dreamer of vain dreams, have failed. (To the lovers:) Now, suppose you tell me why you are here. 

COLUMBINE: We are orphans! 

PIERROT: And we are poor! 

COLUMBINE: But we love each other! 

PIERROT: So we came to the Foot of the Rainbow, for Columbine's godmother told her the way! 

COLUMBINE: To get the pot of gold! 

PIERROT: As a dowry for Columbine! 

COLUMBINE: So that we might be married! 

FIDDLER: Poor lovers! Poor foolish lovers! Poor foolish mortals! There is no gold -- not any more. I gave it all to the first pair of lovers who came seeking it, and they used it all up living happily ever after.

COLUMBINE, PIERROT & HARLEQUIN: No gold!

There are angry murmurs without. 

HARLEQUIN (springing forward): No gold! Then why did you tell the pirates? 

FIDDLER: To give you time. You'd better go. 

The PIRATES draw nearer, shouting angrily. 

FIDDLER (shaking his head): Too late! Here they are! 

He moves back to the right. The SECOND IN COMMAND, followed by the BO'S'N and the rest of the PIRATES bursts in. TWINKLETOES and SOSO and the LITTLE PIERROTS bring up the rear. TWINKLETOES and SOSO join the FIDDLER. The LITTLE PIERROTS stand at the back, at either side of the platform. 

PIRATES: Harlequin! Traitor! Deceiver! There is no gold! 

They seize HARLEQUIN and shake him roughly. Two of the fiercest lay hold of his arms and twist them brutally. One of the crew produces a rope and they bind him. There is great confusion on the stage. 

SECOND IN COMMAND: Silence! (To PIERROT:) You are free! 

PIERROT (bitterly): Yes, free! Free to begin again! To start a new search for gold! 

COLUMBINE: Let us go back to the earth, Pierrot. Let us go on together, for if only we are together, we shall find happiness. 

PIRATES: Yes, let them go! Let them go, before the Captain comes! Get rid of that girl! But Harlequin shall suffer! 

COLUMBINE and PIERROT start off, preceded by the LITTLE PIERROTS. Then at the parapet, COLUMBINE turns to look back compassionately at HARLEQUIN, who is standing bound in the midst of the PIRATES. With a gesture, the FIDDLER stops the lovers. 

FIDDLER: Perhaps you think I'm very foolish, because I am so very old -- ages and eons old -- and yet so very young, young enough to believe in fairies and in witchery and in love! 

FAT PIRATE: Slippery eels! The fellow's raving! 

TWINKLETOES makes a face at the FAT PIRATE. 

FIDDLER: Hush! (The PIRATES squirm uneasily under his look. To the lovers:) Don't go back to the earth for your dowry! Earthly gold is dross, and only gold that has been sweetened by the rainbow's light can bring you happiness!

COLUMBINE: But you have just told us there is no gold! 

FIDDLER: Wait! (Turning to the PIRATES.) I don't have to ask why you are here. You are seeking not merely gold, but the joy of high adventure, of the good old days when the "Gypsy Jane" sailed unknown seas and touched at forgotten ports! 

SECOND IN COMMAND (touching his forehead in a salute, awed): Aye, aye, sir! 

ANOTHER PIRATE: Jumping jellyfish! He's a wizard! 

FIDDLER: Lately you've been in trouble! I don't have to ask, you see! I know by magic! 

TWINKLETOES (with a mock solemn face, tracing mysterious signs in the air and speaking in a hollow voice): Abracadabra, hoodoo voodoo, mumbo jumbo, fee faw fum!

FIDDLER: Twinkletoes here told me that you have been searching for years for some one. (TWINKLETOES nods solemnly, the PIRATES stare round eyed.) And Soso whispered it was a woman! 

SOSO: I did n -- 

TWINKLETOES (nudging her): Hush! 

FIDDLER (to the PIRATES): Am I right? 

They nod, still staring blankly. 

SECOND IN COMMAND: But -- 

FIDDLER: Oh, I know all about your Captain and the ward he's been seeking all these years, though he has no idea of her name or her face or her station, only that her voice is like bells ringing when one is happiest. Listen! 

COLUMBINE and PIERROT standing together at the parapet have forgotten all the others and COLUMBINE is singing softly PIERROT's song [Tune of "Can It Be Love At Last"]. The PIRATES listen, startled and amazed. 

SECOND IN COMMAND: That's her! That's the Captain's ward! As sure as I'm a seafaring man it's her! The voice tells it for certain! (He starts forward.) 

FIDDLER (stopping him): Oh, that's no proof! Any child's voice is like that, and any woman's when she is in love and happy! But I've a bit of a tip for you, only it has its price.

SECOND IN COMMAND: Name it! 

FIDDLER (indicating HARLEQUIN): His freedom! 

SOSO heaves a sigh of relief. 

SECOND IN COMMAND (after one sinister look at HARLEQUIN): Well, if it's worth it! Go on!

FIDDLER (stepping to the center of the stage with the PIRATES in two groups at the left and at the right): [Tune: "Jovial Old King Cole"]
Over the world and over the world
And over the world away
Columbine came to the Land of the Rainbow
To carry our gold away.

TWINKLETOES (throatily): He! He! 

FIDDLER: But her journey was all in vain,
For gold we have none to spare.
So she is starting back (With a gesture to indicate the earth.)
To seek for a dowry there. (Soso shakes her head.)
Now you have gold and you seek a maid
For whom you hold gold in fee.
Columbine might be the girl that you seek,
The ward Captain Peg would see!

TWINKLETOES (chuckling) He! He! 

FIDDLER (speaking): Now here's a suggestion from me! (He sings again:)
Tell him this is the maid that he seeks,
For that might be true you know,
Since Columbine is an orphan child
Whose parents died long ago!

PIRATES AT LEFT (to the others):
Yes, that might be true you know!
And what matter if 'tis not true?

PIRATES AT RIGHT:
Yes, that might be true you know!
And what matter if 'tis not true?

PIRATES AT LEFT:
For Columbine is an orphan child
Whose parents died long ago!

PIRATES AT RIGHT:
Yes, Columbine is an orphan child
Whose parents died long ago! 

FIDDLER (turning with a mocking bow to the SECOND IN COMMAND): Take my advice! Present her to the Captain as his ward! 

SECOND IN COMMAND (tempted but troubled): But the proof! He'll want proof! 

CREW: Yes, that's so! It's too bad! He'll want proof! 

FIDDLER: Proof, eh? Well, listen. The Captain's ward is an orphan. 

SECOND IN COMMAND: Yes-s. (The crew nod.)

FIDDLER: Her parents are dead. 

SECOND IN COMMAND: Yes, that's so. (The crew nod again.)

FIDDLER: She's old enough to get married. 

SECOND IN COMMAND: Must be! All of that! Seventeen if she's a day! 

CREW: Aye! Aye! 

FIDDLER: But she has no dowry. 

SECOND IN COMMAND: No, that's a fact! She has no dowry. We've got it! 

CREW: Aye, plague take it! 

FIDDLER: Well, Columbine is an orphan. 

SECOND IN COMMAND: That's true, too! 

FAT PIRATE: Sure enough!

FIDDLER: Her parents are dead. 

SECOND IN COMMAND: You don't say! (The PIRATES scratch their heads.) 

FIDDLER: She's old enough to get married. 

SECOND IN COMMAND: By the finny fishes! This is deep! 

FIDDLER: And she has no dowry. 

SECOND IN COMMAND: We-ell --

THE PIRATES: We-ell -- 

FIDDLER: Therefore, since the Captain's ward is an orphan whose parents are dead and who's old enough to get married and who hasn't any dowry, the Captain's ward and Columbine must be one and the same! Things equal to the same thing are equal to each other. Q.E.D. 

SECOND IN COMMAND: Spouting behemoths! They must be one and the same! (He hurries over to COLUMBINE and consults with her pompously.) 

PIRATES (joyously): [Tune: "Robber's March."]
Yo! ho! for the Fiddler old and gray
And yo! ho! ho! his proof so clear!
This will bring a smile to the Captain's face
That's been sad for many a year!
Yo! ho! for the ward who's found at last!
And yo! ho! ho! her dowry too!
For the good old days, and the wide sea ways,
And the jolly things we're free to do!

During the song they loose HARLEQUIN's bonds. As the song ends, the CAPTAIN hurries in from the left followed by the DOCTOR and the two PIRATES with the treasure chest. The CAPTAIN pauses in the center of the stage and looks about at his men in angry amazement.

CAPTAIN (in the hollow tone of one who has been long silent): Explain! 

SECOND IN COMMAND (leading COLUMBINE forward): Captain, behold your ward! Columbine, behold your dowry! (He points to the treasure chest.) 

CAPTAIN: The proof? 

SECOND IN COMMAND (trying frantically to remember, stammering): Well, Columbine is an orphan -- and -- your ward -- is -- old enough to get married, and your ward's parents are dead, and Columbine hasn't any -- any dowry --and -- and neither has your ward and -- and therefore -- therefore, things minus the same thing are equal to each other. E.T.C. 

CAPTAIN (savagely): That's proof! You call that proof? 

The SECOND IN COMMAND falls back. COLUMBINE edges away to PIERROT's side. SOSO is almost in tears. The crew look at one another in despair. 

DOCTOR (watching the CAPTAIN, to the nearest PIRATE): He's feverish! 

FIDDLER (coming forward swiftly to the CAPTAIN): Let me tell you something! I knew the parents of the ward you seek. They came to me, just as these lovers come in search of gold. I sent them back content, not empty handed. Tell me, have you ever examined the treasure in that chest? 

CAPTAIN (hollowly): Of course not! I'm an honorable pirate! 

FIDDLER: Ah! That explains it! (To a PIRATE:) Open the chest.

The PIRATE obeys. COLUMBINE and PIERROT bend over the treasure. 

COLUMBINE: Oh see! See! See, Pierrot! It is gold, wonderful gold, fairy gold, our gold of happiness! 

CAPTAIN (incredulous): That voice! Like bells ringing when one is happiest! 

FIDDLER (taking from the chest a heart shaped card, reading): "To Columbine, our daughter, we send with love these golden treasures we have found upon life's way -- high, noble courage, and a singing heart!" 

The CAPTAIN starts back in surprise, then slowly a beatific smile spreads over his face. 

DOCTOR (pointing him out impressively): I have the pleasure of announcing that I have cured your Captain of a severe, nay, I might say an almost fatal case of melancholia! 

SECOND IN COMMAND AND CREW: He cured him! Ha! Ha! Ha! He! (They break into their song "Yo! Ho! for the Bloody Buccaneers" [Tune: "Robber's March."])

The CAPTAIN capers about in a wildly exultant dance. The DOCTOR looks on with his nose in the air and his thumbs in the armholes of his waistcoat. COLUMBINE and PIERROT stand together beside the treasure chest, holding hands and gazing raptly at one another. The FIDDLER is watching them with a kindly smile. SOSO is rapturously contemplating the lovers, but TWINKLETOES sits on the platform's edge surveying the scene with a disgusted frown. The LITTLE PIERROTS are still standing back near the parapet. HARLEQUIN glides across the platform unnoticed, turns to look back once more longingly at COLUMBINE, and slowly disappears down the stairway just as 

THE CURTAINS CLOSE.