Act 5
[V. 1]
DORIA alone.
I've never laughed so much, and I don't think I'll ever laugh so much again, nor has anything else been done in our house tonight except laughter. Sofronia, Sostrata, Cleandro, Eustachio, everyone is laughing. The night was spent measuring time, and we were saying: now Nicomaco enters the bedroom, now he undresses, now he lies down next to the bride, now he engages in battle, now he fights valiantly. And while we were discussing these things, Siro and Pirro arrived home and doubled our laughter. And the best part was Pirro, who laughed even more than Siro, so much so that I don't think anyone has had a more beautiful or enjoyable year. Those women sent me outside, already morning, to see what the old man is doing and how he is handling this disaster. But here he is outside with Damone. I want to move aside to watch them and have more material to laugh at.
[V. 2]
DAMONE, NICOMACO, DORIA.
Da. What happened all night? How did it go? Be quiet. What fuss with dressing, opening doors, going up and down the bed, that you never stayed still? And I, who was sleeping in the lower room, couldn't sleep at all, so in annoyance I got up and found you outside all agitated. You're not talking, you seem dead. What the devil is wrong with you?
Ni. My brother, I don't know where to flee, where to hide, or where to bury the great shame I have incurred. I am eternally disgraced, there is no remedy for me, and I can never face my wife, my children, my relatives, my servants again. I have sought my own disgrace, and my wife has helped me find it, so I am finished. And what pains me even more is that you also share in this burden, because everyone will know that you had a hand in it.
Da. What happened then? Did you break something?
Ni. What do you think I could have broken? I wish my neck had been broken!
Da. What happened then? Why don't you tell me?
Ni. Uh! Uh! Uh! I'm in so much pain, I don't think I can tell you.
Da. Oh, you're behaving like a child! What harm could there possibly be?
Ni. You know the instructions given, and according to those instructions, I entered the room and quietly undressed. And instead of Pirro, who had laid down on the bed, in the absence of light, I lay down next to the bride.
Da. Well, what happened next?
Ni. Uh! Uh! Uh! I approached her as new husbands do, I tried to put my hands on her chest, and she took my hand with hers and didn't let go. I tried to kiss her, and she pushed my face away with her other hand. I tried to throw myself on her completely: she raised a knee that broke one of my ribs. When I realized that strength was not enough, I resorted to begging, with sweet and loving words (whispering so she wouldn't recognize me), I begged her to willingly grant my desires. I said to her: oh, my sweet soul, why do you torment me? Oh, my love, why don't you willingly give me what other women willingly give to their husbands? Uh! Uh! Uh!
Da. Dry your eyes a little.
Ni. I am in so much pain that I can't find solace, nor can I hold back my tears. I was able to chatter, but she never showed any sign of wanting to talk to me. Now, seeing this, I turned to threats and began insulting her, saying what I would do to her and what I would say. You know that suddenly she gathered her legs and gave me a couple of kicks that, if it weren't for the bedsheet holding me, I would have been thrown into the middle of the room.
Da. Can it be?
Ni. And it very well can be. After that, she turned around and threw herself chest-first onto the mattress in such a way that not even all the pulleys of the Opera could have turned her over. I, seeing that strength, prayers, and threats were of no use, in despair I turned my back to her and decided to leave her be, thinking that she might change her mind by daylight.
Da. Oh, how well you did! You should have taken that course of action from the beginning; whoever didn't want you shouldn't want him either.
Ni. Wait, it's not over yet; the best is yet to come. Being completely lost, I began to doze off, amidst the pain and distress. You know that suddenly I felt a jab in my side, and she struck me below the waist with five or six blows from the devil. In my half-asleep state, I immediately reached out with my hand and found something hard and sharp, so frightened, I threw myself out of bed, remembering that dagger that Clizia had taken during the day to use against me. At this noise, Pirro, who was sleeping, woke up; to him, driven more by fear than reason, I said that he should fetch a light because she was armed and intended to kill both of us. Pirro ran, and when he returned with the light, instead of Clizia, we saw my servant Siro standing naked on the bed, mocking me (uh! uh! uh!) and wiggling his little hand behind him.
Da. Ah! ah! ah!
Ni. Ah! Damone, are you laughing at me?
Da. It pains me greatly about this situation, nevertheless, it is impossible not to laugh.
Do. I want to go and inform the mistress of what I've heard so that her laughter may double.
Ni. That's my misfortune, it will be everyone's laughter, and mine to weep; and Pirro and Siro, in my presence, were hurling insults at me one moment and laughing the next; then, dressed in red like this, they left, and I believe they went to find the women, and everyone must be laughing. So let everyone laugh, and Nicomaco shall weep!
Da. I believe you think that I'm sorry for you and myself, who got involved in this mess for your sake.
Ni. What do you advise me to do? Don't abandon me, for the love of God.
Da. It seems to me, if nothing better arises, that you should leave everything in the hands of your wife, Sofronia, and tell her that from now on, she can do as she pleases with Clizia and yourself. She should also consider your honor because, being your wife, you cannot bear shame without her sharing in it. Here she comes. Go, talk to her, and in the meantime, I will go to the square and the market to listen if I hear anything about this matter, and I will come to cover for you as much as I can.
Ni. I beg you to do so.
[V. 3]
SOFRONIA, NICOMACO.
Sofr. My servant, Doria, told me that Nicomaco is outside, and it's a pity to see him. I want to talk to him and hear what he says about this new incident. Here he is. Oh, Nicomaco!
Ni. What do you want?
Sofr. Where are you going so early? Are you leaving the house without saying a word to your wife? Do you know what happened last night with Pirro?
Ni. I don't know.
Sofr. Who knows if you don't know, you, who turned Florence upside down to arrange this marriage? Now that it's done, you act as if it's something new and discontent you.
Ni. Ah, leave me alone, don't torment me.
Sofr. It is you who torment me, when you should console me, and I have to console you. And when it came to providing for them, it was my responsibility, as you can see, I carry these eggs.
Ni. I think it would be good if you didn't want to play games with me at all. It was enough to have played them all this year, and yesterday, and especially tonight.
Sofr. I never wanted to play games with you, but you are the one who wanted to play games with all of us, including yourself. How can you not be ashamed of raising a girl in your house with such decency, and in the way that well-behaved girls are raised, only to marry her off to a wretched and useless servant, just so you can sleep with her? Did you think you were dealing with blind people or those who wouldn't expose the dishonesty of your plans? I confess that I resorted to all the tricks that were played on you, so that, in trying to make you see reason, the only way was to catch you in the act with so many witnesses that you would be ashamed, and then shame would make you do what no other thing could make you do. Now, the matter is here. If you want to return to normal and be the Nicomaco you were a year ago, we will all return to it, and the matter will not be spoken of again, and even if it were, people make mistakes and amend them.
Ni. My Sofronia, do as you please; I am ready to obey your orders, as long as the matter doesn't become public.
Sofr. If you want to do that, everything is in order.
Ni. Where is Clizia?
Sofr. I sent her, as soon as we finished dinner last night, dressed in Siro's clothes, to a monastery.
Ni. What does Cleandro say?
Sofr. He is glad that these wedding plans have been spoiled, but he is deeply saddened that he cannot have Clizia.
Ni. I'll leave you to think about Cleandro's affairs now. Nevertheless, if her identity isn't revealed, I wouldn't want to give her to him.
Sofr. It seems to me, too, that it would be best to delay marrying her until something is known about her, or until this fancy of hers has passed, and in the meantime, we will have Pirro's marriage annulled.
Ni. Handle it as you wish. I want to go home and rest because, after the terrible night I had, I can hardly stand, and also because I see Cleandro and Eustachio coming out, and I don't want to confront them. Talk to them yourself, tell them our decision, and let them know that they have won and that they should not mention this matter again.
[V. 4]
CLEANDRO, SOFRONIA, EUSTACHIO.
Cle. You heard how the old man went home; he must have received a scolding from Sofronia; he seems very humbled. Let's approach her to find out what happened. God save you, my mother. What does Nicomaco say?
Sofr. The poor man is completely devastated; he feels disgraced. He gave me a blank sheet of paper and wants me to govern everything according to my own judgment from now on.
Eust. That will work well. I should have Clizia.
Cle. Wait a moment; she's not a prize for you.
Eust. Oh! This is unbelievable! Just when I thought I had won, it turns out I've lost like Pirro!
Sofr. Neither you nor Pirro will have her. And you, Cleandro, I want it to remain that way.
Cle. At least make her come home so that I can see her.
Sofr. She will return to you, or she won't, as I see fit. Let's go and tidy up the house. And Cleandro, see if you can find Damone because I need to speak with him to handle the aftermath of this situation.
Cle. I am discontented.
Sofr. You will be content another time.
[V. 5]
CLEANDRO alone.
Just when I thought I had set sail and fortune pushes me back into the middle of the sea, amidst turbulent and stormy waves. I fought against my father's love before; now I fight against my mother's ambition. In the former, I had her support, in the latter, I am alone. I see less light in this situation than I did before. I lament my misfortune since I was born to never have any good. And I can say that since this girl entered our house, I have known no other pleasure than thinking about her, while the pleasures of those days have been scarce. But who do I see coming towards me? Is it Damone? It is indeed him, and he looks quite cheerful. What's the matter, Damone? What news do you bring? Why such happiness?
[V. 6]
DAMONE, CLEANDRO.
Da. There could not be better news, happier news, or news that I would bring more willingly.
Cle. What is it?
Da. Clizia's father, named Ramondo, a Neapolitan gentleman, is in Florence searching for her. I spoke to him, and I have all the details. There is no doubt about it.
Cle. How is this possible? I'm going mad with joy.
Da. I want you to hear it from him. Call Nicomaco and your mother Sofronia.
Cle. Sofronia, Nicomaco, come down here to Damone.
[V. 7]
NICOMACO, DAMONE, SOFRONIA, RAMONDO.
Ni. Here we are. What good news do you have?
Da. I say that Clizia's father, called Ramondo, a Neapolitan gentleman, is in Florence searching for her. I spoke to him, and I have already arranged for him to give her in marriage to Cleandro whenever you wish.
Ni. If that's the case, I am extremely pleased. But where is he?
Da. He's at the Crown Inn, and I told him to come here. There he is, with his servants behind him! Let's go and meet him.
Ni. Here we are. God bless you, good sir.
Da. Ramondo, this is Nicomaco, and this is his lady, who have raised your daughter with great honor. And this is their son, who will be your son-in-law whenever you please.
Ra. I bid you all welcome, and I thank God for granting me the grace to see my daughter again before I die and for allowing me to reward these gentlemen who have honored her. As for our relationship, I couldn't be happier for it to continue through this marriage, following the friendship that began because of your merits.
Da. Let's go inside, where Ramondo will explain everything in detail, and we will arrange these joyful weddings.
Sofr. Let's go. And you, spectators, you can go home because we will arrange the new weddings without any further interruptions, and these weddings will be feminine, unlike Nicomaco’s.
Song.
You, who possess understanding and tranquility,
Beautiful souls, noble and humble examples,
Wise and gentle master,
You have heard of our human life;
And through it, you know
What should be avoided and what should be followed
To ascend straight to heaven.
And under a rare veil,
Far beyond what could be told in detail,
We pray that such fruit may be granted to you,
As your kindness so greatly deserves.
