Act 2
SCENE I
The courtyard of Pantalone's house.
Silvio and the Doctor.
Sil. Sir, I entreat you to leave me alone.
Doc. Stay, answer me.
Sil. I am beside myself.
Doc. What are you doing in the courtyard of Signor Pantalone?
Sil. I intend either that he should keep his word that he has given me, or that he should render me account for this intolerable insult.
Doc. But you cannot do this in Pantalone's own house. You are a fool to let yourself be so transported with anger.
Sil. A man who behaves so abominably deserves no consideration.
Doc. True; but that is no reason why you should be so rash. Leave it to me, my dear boy, leave it to me; let me talk to him; may be I can bring him to reason and make him see where his duty lies. Go away somewhere and wait for me; leave this courtyard; do not let us make a scene. I will wait for Signor Pantalone.
Sil. But sir, I—
Doc. But sir, I will have you obey me.
Sil. I obey you, sir. I will go. Speak to him. I wait for you at the apothecary's. But if Signor Pantalone persists, he will have to settle with me.
[Exit Silvio.]
Doc. Poor boy, I am sorry for him. Signor Pantalone ought never to have led him on so far before he was quite certain that the fellow from Turin was dead. I must see him quietly; I must not let my temper get the better of me.
[Enter Pantalone.]
Pant. [aside]. What is the Doctor doing in my house?
Doc. Oh Signor Pantalone, your servant.
Pant. Your servant, Doctor. I was just going to look for you and your son.
Doc. Indeed? Good! I suppose you were coming to give us your assurance that Signora Clarice is to be Silvio's wife.
Pant. [much embarrassed]. Well, the fact is, I was coming to tell you—
Doc. No, no; there is no need for explanations. You have my sympathy in a very awkward situation. But we are old friends and we will let bygones be bygones.
Pant. [still hesitating]. Yes, of course, in view of the promise made to Signor Federigo—
Doc. He took you by surprise, and you had no time for reflection; you did not think of the affront you were giving to our family.
Pant. You can hardly talk of an affront, when a previous contract—
Doc. I know what you are going to say. It seemed at first sight out of the question that your promise to the Turin gentleman could be repudiated, because it was a formal contract. But that was a contract merely between you and him; whereas ours is confirmed by the girl herself.
Pant. Very true, but—
Doc. And as you know, in matrimonial cases, Consensus, et non concubitus, facit virum.
Pant. I am no Latin scholar; but I must tell you—
Doc. And girls must not be sacrificed.
Pant. Have you anything more to say?
Doc. I have nothing more to say.
Pant. Have you finished?
Doc. I have finished.
Pant. May I speak?
Doc. You may.
Pant. My dear Doctor, with all your learning—
Doc. As regards the dowry, we can easily arrange matters. A little more or a little less, I will make no difficulties.
Pant. I must begin all over again. Will you allow me to speak?
Doc. With pleasure.
Pant. I must tell you; I have the greatest respect for your legal learning, but in this case it does not apply.
Doc. And you mean to tell me that this other marriage is to take place?
Pant. For my part I have given my word and I cannot go back upon it. My daughter is content; what impediment can there be? I was just coming to look for you or Signor Silvio, to tell you this. I am extremely sorry, but I see no help for it.
Doc. I am not surprised at your daughter's behaviour. But I am surprised at yours, sir, at your treating me in this disgraceful way. If you were not perfectly certain about the death of Signor Federigo, you had no business to enter into an engagement with my son; and having entered into an engagement with him, you are bound to maintain that engagement whatever it may cost you. The news of Federigo's death was quite sufficient to justify, even to Federigo, your new intention; he could have no right to reproach you, still less to demand any sort of compensation. The marriage which was contracted this morning between Signora Clarice and my son coram testibus cannot be dissolved by a mere word given by you to another party. If I were to listen to my son I should insist upon the annulment of the new contract and compel your daughter to marry him; but I should be ashamed to receive into my house so disreputable a daughter-in-law, the daughter of a man who breaks his word as you do. Signor Pantalone, you have done me an injury, you have done an injury to the house of Lombardi. The time will come, when you will have to pay for it; yes, sir, the time will come—omnia tempus habent.
[Exit Doctor.]
Pant. You may go to the devil for all I care. I don't care a fig, I'm not afraid of you. The Rasponis are worth a hundred of the Lombardis. An only son, and as rich as he is—you won't find that every day. It has got to be.
Enter Silvio.
Sil. [aside]. 'Tis all very fine for my father to talk. Let him keep his temper who can.
Pant. [seeing Sil., aside]. Here comes the other.
Sil. [rudely]. Your servant, sir.
Pant. Yours to command, sir. [Aside] He is smoking.
Sil. I have just heard something from my father; am I to believe that it is true?
Pant. If your father said it, it must certainly be true.
Sil. Then the marriage is settled between Signora Clarice and Signor Federigo?
Pant. Yes, sir, settled and concluded.
Sil. I am amazed that you should have the face to tell me so. You are a man of no reputation, you are no gentleman.
Pant. What is all this? Is that the way you speak to a man of my age?
Sil. I don't care how old you are; I have a mind to run you straight through the body.
Pant. I am not a frog, sir, to be spitted. Do you come into my house to make all this turmoil?
Sil. Come outside then.
Pant. I am surprised at you, sir.
Sil. Come on, if you are a man of honour.
Pant. I am accustomed to be treated with respect.
Sil. You are a low fellow, a coward and a villain.
Pant. You are a most impertinent young man.
Sil. I swear to Heaven— [Lays his hand to his sword]
Pant. Help! murder! [Draws a pistol]
[Enter Beatrice with a drawn sword.]
Beat. I am here to defend you. [To Pantalone]
Pant. My dear son-in-law, I thank you.
Sil. [to Beat.]. You are just the man I want to fight.
Beat. [aside]. I am in for it now.
Sil. [to Beat.]. Come on, sir.
Pant. [frightened]. My dear son-in-law—
Beat. It is not the first time that I have been in danger. [To Sil.] I am not afraid of you.
[Presents sword]
Pant. Help! help!
[Pantalone runs towards the street. Beatrice and Silvio fight. Silvio falls and drops his sword. Beatrice holds her point to his heart.]
[Enter Clarice.]
Clar. [to Beat.]. Stop, stop!
Beat. Fair Clarice, at your request I give Silvio his life, and in consideration of my mercy, I beg you to remember your oath.
[Exit Beatrice]
Clar. Dear Silvio, are you hurt?
Sil. Dear Silvio! faithless deceiver! Dear Silvio! to a lover disdained, to a betrayed husband!
Clar. No, Silvio, I do not deserve your reproaches. I love you, I adore you, I am indeed faithful.
Sil. Oh lying jade! Faithful to me, forsooth! You call that fidelity, to plight your troth to another?
Clar. I never did so, nor will I ever. I will die rather than desert you.
Sil. I heard just now that you had given your oath.
Clar. My oath does not bind me to marry him.
Sil. Then what did you swear?
Clar. Dear Silvio, have mercy on me; I cannot tell you.
Sil. Why not?
Clar. Because I am sworn to silence.
Sil. That proves your guilt.
Clar. No, I am innocent.
Sil. Innocent people have no secrets.
Clar. Indeed I should be guilty if I spoke.
Sil. And to whom have you sworn this silence?
Clar. To Federigo.
Sil. And you will observe it so jealously?
Clar. I will observe it, rather than be a perjuress.
Sil. And you tell me you do not love him? He's a fool that believes you. I do not believe you, cruel, deceiver! Begone from my sight!
Clar. If I did not love you, I should not have run hither in all haste to save your life.
Sil. Then I loathe my life, if I must owe it to one so ungrateful.
Clar. I love you with all my heart.
Sil. I abhor you with all my soul.
Clar. I will die, if you are not to be appeased.
Sil. I would sooner see you dead than unfaithful.
Clar. Then you shall have that satisfaction.
[Picks up his sword.]
Sil. Yes, that sword should revenge my wrongs.
Clar. Are you so cruel to your Clarice?
Sil. 'Twas you that taught me cruelty.
Clar. Then you desire my death?
Sil. I know not what I desire.
Clar. I do. [Points the sword at her breast]
[Enter Smeraldina]
Smer. Stop, stop! what on earth are you doing? [Takes the sword away from Clar.] And you, you dog, you would have let her die? [To Sil.] Have you the heart of a tiger, of a hyena, of a devil? Look at you, you're a pretty little fellow, that expects ladies to disembowel themselves for you! You are much too kind to him, madam. He doesn't want you any more, I suppose? The man that doesn't want you doesn't deserve you. Let this murderer go to the devil; and you come along with me. There's no shortage of men; I'll promise to find you a dozen before evening.
[She throws down the sword, Sil. picks it up]
Clar. [weeping]. Ungrateful! Can it be that my death should not cost you a single sigh? But I shall die, and that of grief. I shall die, and you will be content. But one day you will know that I am innocent, and then, when it is too late, you will be sorry you did not believe me, you will weep for my misfortune and for your own barbarous cruelty.
[Exit Clarice]
Smer. Here's something I really don't understand. Here's a girl on the point of killing herself, and you sit there looking on, just as if you were at a play.
Sil. Nonsense, woman! Do you suppose she really meant to kill herself?
Smer. How should I know? I know that if I had not arrived in time, she would have been gone, poor thing.
Sil. The point was nowhere near her heart.
Smer. Did you ever hear such a lie? it was just ready to pierce her.
Sil. You women always invent things.
Smer. We should indeed, if we were like you. It's as the old saw says; we get the kicks and you the halfpence. They say women are unfaithful, but men are committing infidelities all day long. People talk about the women, and they never say a word about the men. We get all the blame, and you are allowed to do as you please. Do you know why? Because 'tis the men who have made the laws. If the women had made them, things would be just the other way. If I were a queen, I'd make every man who was unfaithful carry a branch of a tree in his hand, and I know all the towns would look like forests.
[Exit Smeraldina]
Sil. Clarice faithless! Clarice a traitress! Her pretence at suicide was a trick to deceive me, to move my compassion. But though fate made me fall before my rival, I will never give up the thought of revenge. That wretch shall die, and my ungrateful Clarice shall see her lover wallowing in his own gore.
[Exit Silvio]
END OF SCENE I
SCENE II
A room in the inn, with a door at each side and two doors at the back, facing the audience.
Truffaldino solus.
Truff. Just my luck! Two masters, and neither of them comes home to dinner. 'Tis two o'clock, and not one to be seen. Sure enough they will both come at the same time, and I shall be in a mess; I shall not be able to wait on both together, and the whole thing will be found out. Hush, here comes one. All the better.
[Enter Florindo.]
Flor. Well, did you find that fellow Pasquale?
Truff. Didn't we say, sir, that I was to look for him after dinner?
Flor. I am impatient to see him.
Truff. You should have come to dinner a little sooner.
Flor. [aside]. I can find no way of making certain whether Beatrice is here.
Truff. You told me to go and order dinner, and then you go out. The dinner will have been spoiled.
Flor. I don't want to eat anything. [Aside] I shall go to the Post; I must go myself; then perhaps I shall find out something.
Truff. You know, sir, at Venice you must eat; if you do not, you will fall sick.
Flor. I must go out; I have important business. If I come back to dinner, well and good; if not, I shall eat in the evening. You can get yourself some food, if you like.
Truff. Very good, sir; just as you please, sir; you're the master.
Flor. This money is heavy; here, put it in my trunk. There is the key.
[Gives Truffaldino the purse and his keys.]
Truff. Certainly, sir; I'll bring the key back at once.
Flor. No, no, you can give it me later. I can't stop. If I do not come back to dinner come to the Piazza; I can't rest till you have found Pasquale.
[Exit Florindo.]
Truff. Well, any way, he said I could get myself some food; we are agreed about that. If he won't eat his dinner, he can leave it. My complexion was not made for fasting. I'll just put away this purse, and then—
[Enter Beatrice.]
Beat. Oh, Truffaldino!
Truff. [aside]. The devil!
Beat. Did Signor Pantalone dei Bisognosi give you a purse of a hundred ducats?
Truff. Yes, sir, indeed he did.
Beat. Then why did you not give it to me?
Truff. Was it meant for your honour?
Beat. Was it meant for me? what did he say when he gave you the purse?
Truff. He told me I was to give it to my master.
Beat. Well, and who is your master?
Truff. Your honour.
Beat. Then why do you ask if the purse is mine?
Truff. Then it will be yours.
Beat. Where is it?
Truff. Here, sir. [Gives Beatrice the purse.]
Beat. Is the money all there?
Truff. I never touched it, sir.
Beat. [aside]. I shall count it.
Truff. [aside]. I made a mistake over the purse; but that puts it straight. I wonder what the other gentleman will say? Oh well, if the money wasn't his, he'll say nothing at all.
Beat. Is the landlord in?
Truff. Yes, sir.
Beat. Tell him I shall have a friend to dinner with me, and he must get it ready as soon as ever he can.
Truff. What do you want for dinner, sir? how many dishes?
Beat. Oh, Signor Pantalone dei Bisognosi is not a man who expects a great deal. Tell him to give us five or six dishes; something good.
Truff. You leave it all to me, sir?
Beat. Yes, you order it, do the best you can. I am going to fetch the gentleman, he is not far off; see that all is ready by the time we come back. [Going.]
Truff. You shall see how they serve you here.
Beat. Look! Take this paper; put it in my trunk. Be careful with it; 'tis a bill of exchange for four thousand crowns.
Truff. Be sure of it, sir, I'll put it away at once.
Beat. See that everything is ready. [Aside] Poor old Signor Pantalone—I gave him a terrible fright! I must cheer him up a little.
[Exit Beatrice.]
Truff. Now's the time to do myself proud. 'Tis the first time this master of mine has told me to order him a dinner. I'll show him I am a man of good taste. I'll just put away this paper and then—no, I'll put it away afterwards, I must not waste time. Ho there! is nobody at home? [Calling into the inn.] Call master Brighella, tell him I want to talk to him. [Returning.] Now with a really good dinner 'tis not the having such and such dishes, but the way it is served. A properly laid table is worth more than a mountain of dishes.
Enter Brighella.
Brig. What is it, Si'or Truffaldin'? What can I do for you?
Truff. My master has got a gentleman to dine with him. He wants a good dinner, and that quickly. Have you got enough in the kitchen?
Brig. I always have plenty of everything. In half an hour I can put on any sort of dinner you like.
Truff. Very well, then. Tell me what you can give us.
Brig. For two persons, we will have two courses of four dishes each; will that do?
Truff. He said five or six dishes—better say six or eight. That will do. What will you give us?
Brig. For the first course I shall give you soup, fried, boiled, and a fricandeau.
Truff. Three of the dishes I know, but I do not know the last.
Brig. 'Tis a French dish—a ragout—very tasty indeed.
Truff. Very well, that will do for the first course; now the second.
Brig. For the second course the roast, the salad, a meat pie and a pudding.
Truff. There's another dish I don't know; what's this "pudding"?
Brig. I said a pudding, an English dish—very good indeed.
Truff. Good, that will do; but how are we to arrange the table?
Brig. Oh, that's easy enough. The waiter will see to that.
Truff. No, my good friend, laying the table is a very important matter; that's the first thing about a dinner, to have the table laid properly.
Brig. Well, you might put the soup here, the fried there, there the boiled and here the fricandeau. [Makes an imaginary arrangement.]
Truff. I don't like that. Don't you put something in the middle?
Brig. Then we should want five dishes.
Truff. Good, then let us have five.
Brig. We can put the gravy in the middle.
Truff. No, no, friend, you know nothing about laying a table; you can't put the gravy in the middle; soup always goes in the middle.
Brig. Then the meat on one side, and the gravy on the other.
Truff. Lord, lord, that won't do at all. You innkeepers may know how to cook, but you have no idea of butlering. Now I'll show you. [Kneels down on one knee and points to the floor.] Suppose this is the table. Now you look how we arrange the five dishes. Like this: here in the middle the soup. [He tears off a piece of the bill of exchange and puts it on the floor to represent a dish.] Now the boiled meat. [Same business.] Here we put the fried opposite [same business], here the gravy and here that—what-d'ye-call-it. There now! won't that look fine?
Brig. H'm, 'twill do; but you have put the gravy too far away from the meat.
Truff. Very well, we must see if we can't put it a little nearer.
Enter Beatrice and Pantalone.
Beat. What are you doing on your knees?
Truff. [stands up]. I was just planning how to have the table laid.
Beat. What is that paper?
Truff. [aside]. The devil! the letter that he gave me!
Beat. That is my bill of exchange.
Truff. I am very sorry, sir; I will stick it together again.
Beat. You rascal! Is that the way you look after my things? things of such value too! You deserve a good thrashing. What say you, Signor Pantalone? did you ever see such a piece of folly?
Pant. To tell the truth, I cannot help laughing. 'Twould be a serious matter if it could not be mended, but I will write you out another and then all will be in order.
Beat. But just think if the bill had been made out not here but in some place a long way off. [To Truff.] You ignorant fool!
Truff. This has all come about because Brighella did not know how to lay a table.
Brig. He finds fault with everything I do.
Truff. I am a man that knows his business.
Beat. [To Truff.]. Go away.
Truff. Things must be done properly.
Beat. Be off, I tell you.
Truff. In the matter of pantry work I won't give way to the first butler in the land.
[Exit Truff.
Brig. I don't understand that fellow; sometimes he is a knave and sometimes a fool.
Beat. This tomfoolery is all put on. Well, is dinner ready?
Brig. If you will have five dishes to each course, 'twill take a little time.
Pant. What's this about courses of five dishes? We'll take pot luck—a risotto, a couple of other dishes, and I shall be most obliged to you. My tastes are simple.
Beat. [to Brig.]. You hear that? that will do nicely.
Brig. Very good, sir; but will you please to tell me if there might be anything you would particularly fancy?
Pant. I should like some rissoles if you have them; my teeth are not very good nowadays.
Beat. You hear? Rissoles.
Brig. Very good, sir. If you will sit down here for a moment, gentlemen, dinner will be ready directly.
Beat. Tell Truffaldino to come and wait on us.
Brig. I'll tell him, sir. [Exit Brig.
Beat. Signor Pantalone, I fear you will indeed have to be content with pot luck.
Pant. My dear sir, I am overcome with all the attention you show me; in fact you are doing for me what I ought to be doing for you. But you see, I have that girl of mine at home, and until everything is finally settled it would not be proper for you to be together. So I accept your kind hospitality to raise my spirits a little; indeed I still feel quite upset. Had it not been for you, that young scoundrel would have done for me.
Beat. I am glad that I arrived in time.
Waiters enter from the kitchen and carry glasses, wine, bread, etc., etc., into the room where Beatrice and Pantalone are to dine.
Pant. They are very quick about their business here.
Beat. Brighella is a smart fellow. He was servant to a great nobleman at Turin, and still wears his livery.
Pant. There's a very good tavern on the other side of the Grand Canal opposite the Rialto where you can eat very well; I have often been there with various good friends of mine, very sound men too; I often think of that place. They had some wonderful Burgundy wine there too—'twas a wine for the gods.
Beat. There's nothing one enjoys more than good wine in good company.
Pant. Good company! Ah, if you had known them! That was good company! Good honest fellows, with many a good story to tell. God bless them. Seven or eight of them there were, and there wasn't the like of them in all the world.
[The Waiters come out of the room and return to the kitchen.]
Beat. You often had a merry time with these gentlemen, eh?
Pant. And I hope I may live to have many more.
[Enter Truffaldino carrying the soup-tureen.]
Truff. [to Beat.]. Dinner is ready for you in that room, sir.
Beat. Go and put the soup on the table.
Truff. [makes a bow]. After you, sir.
Pant. A queer fellow, that servant of yours. [Goes in.]
Beat. [to Truff.]. I want less wit and more attention. [Goes in.]
Truff. Call that a dinner! one dish at a time! They have money to spend, but they get nothing good for it. I wonder if this soup is worth eating; I'll try it. [Takes a spoon out of his pocket and tastes the soup.] I always carry my weapons about. Not bad; it might be worse. [Goes into room with soup.]
Enter First Waiter with a dish.
1st Wait. When is that man coming to take the dishes?
Truff. [re-entering]. Here I am, friend. What have you got for me?
1st Wait. Here's the boiled meat. There's another dish to follow.
[Exit 1st Wait.]
Truff. Mutton? or veal? Mutton, I think. Let's taste it. [Tastes.] No, 'tis neither mutton nor veal; 'tis lamb, and very good too. [Goes towards Beat.'s room.]
[Enter Florindo.]
Flor. Where are you going?
Truff. Oh dear, oh dear! [Aside.]
Flor. What are you doing with that dish?
Truff. I was just putting it on the table, sir.
Flor. For whom?
Truff. For you, sir.
Flor. Why do you serve dinner before I come in?
Truff. I saw you from the window. [Aside] I must find some excuse.
Flor. And you begin with boiled meat instead of soup?
Truff. You must know, sir, at Venice soup is always taken last.
Flor. I have other habits. I want my soup. Take that back to the kitchen.
Truff. Yes, sir, as you wish, sir.
Flor. Make haste; afterwards I want to have a nap.
Truff. Yes, sir. [Makes as if going to the kitchen.]
Flor. [aside]. Shall I never find Beatrice again?
[Florindo goes into the other room—as soon as he is in Truffaldino quickly takes the dish in to Beatrice. Enter 1st Waiter with another dish. Florindo calls from his room.]
Flor. Truffaldino! Truffaldino! am I always to be kept waiting?
Truff. [coming out of Beat.'s room]. Coming, sir. [To 1st Wait.] Quick, go and lay the table in that other room, the other gentleman has arrived; bring the soup at once.
1st Wait. Directly. [Exit 1st Wait.]
Truff. What may this dish be? Thus must be the "fricandeau." [Tastes it.] That's good, upon my word. [Takes it in to Beat.]
[Waiters enter and carry glasses, wine, bread, etc. into Florindo's room.]
Truff. [to Waiters]. Good lads, that's right. [Aside] They are as lively as kittens. Well, if I can manage to wait at table on two masters at once, 'twill be a great accomplishment indeed.
The Waiters come back out of Florindo's room and go towards the kitchen.
Truff. Hurry up, lads, the soup!
1st Wait. You look after your own table; we'll take care of this one.
[Exeunt Wait.]
Truff. I want to look after both, if I can.
[Re-enter First Waiter with Florindo's soup.]
Truff. Here, give me that; I'll take it. Go and get the stuff for the other room. [Takes soup from 1st Wait. and carries it into Flor.'s room.]
1st Wait. That's a strange fellow. He wants to wait on every one. Let him. They will have to give me my tip all the same.
Truffaldino comes out of Florindo's room.
Beat. [calling from her room]. Truffaldino!
1st Wait. [to Truff.]. Your master's calling.
Truff. Coming, sir. [Goes into Beat.'s room.]
[Second Waiter brings the boiled meat for Florindo. Truffaldino brings the dirty plates out of Beatrice's room.]
Truff. Here, give it me.
[Exit 2nd Waiter]
Flor. [calls]. Truffaldino!
Truff. [wishes to take the meat from Wait.]. Give it me.
1st Wait. No, I'm taking this.
Truff. Didn't you hear him call for me? [Takes meat from him and carries it in to Flor.]
1st Wait. Well, that's fine! he wants to do everything.
[Second Waiter brings in a dish of rissoles, gives it to the First Waiter and Exit.]
I would take this in myself, but I don't want to have words with that fellow.
[Re-enter Truffaldino from Florindo's room with dirty plates.]
Here, master Jack-of-all-trades; take these rissoles to your master.
Truff. [takes dish]. Rissoles?
1st Wait. Yes, the rissoles he ordered.
[Exit 1st Wait.]
Truff. Oh, fine! To which of them are they to go? Now which the devil of my two masters can have ordered them? If I go to the kitchen and ask, they'll begin to suspect; if I make a mistake and carry them to the one who didn't order them, then the other will ask for them and I shall be found out. I know what I'll do; I'll divide them on two plates, take half to each, and then I shall see who ordered them. [Takes plates and divides the rissoles.] That's four and that's four. There's one over. Who's to have that? We mustn't cause ill-feeling; I'll eat that one myself. [Eats it.] Now. We'll take the rissoles to this gentleman.
[Truffaldino puts one plate of rissoles on the floor and takes the other in to Beatrice. First Waiter enters with an English Pudding.]
1st Wait. Truffaldino!
Truff. [comes out of Beat.'s room]. Coming!
1st Wait. Take this pudding—
Truff. Wait a moment, I'm coming. [Takes the other dish of rissoles and is going to Flor.'s room.]
1st Wait. That's not right, the rissoles belong there.
Truff. I know they do, sir; I have carried them there; and my master sends these four as a courtesy to this gentleman. [Goes into Flor.'s room.]
1st Wait. I see, they know each other—friends, you might say? They might as well have dined together.
Truff. [re-entering]. And what's this affair?
1st Wait. That's an English Pudding.
Truff. Who is it for?
1st Wait. For your master. [Exit 1st Wait.
Truff. What the devil is this "pudding"? It smells delicious, and looks like polenta. Oh! if it is polenta, that would be good indeed. I'll taste it. [Brings a fork out of his pocket and tries the pudding.] It's not polenta, but it's very like it. [Eats.] Much better than polenta. [Goes on eating.]
Beat. [calling]. Truffaldino!
Truff. [with mouth full]. Coming, sir.
Flor. [calling]. Truffaldino!
Truff. [with mouth full]. Coming, sir. [To himself] Oh what wonderful stuff! just another mouthful and then I'll go. [Goes on eating.]
[Beatrice comes out of her room, sees Truffaldino eating, kicks him and says:]
Beat. You come and wait on me. [She goes back to her room.] Truffaldino!
Truff. Coming!
[Truffaldino puts the pudding on the floor and goes into Beatrice's room. Florindo comes out of his.]
Flor. [calling]. Truffaldino! Where the devil is he?
Truffaldino comes out of Beatrice's room.
Truff. Here, sir. [Seeing Flor.]
Flor. What are you doing? where have you been?
Truff. I just went to fetch the next course, sir.
Flor. Is there anything more to eat?
Truff. I'll go and see.
Flor. Make haste, I tell you, because I want to have a nap afterwards. [Goes back into his room.]
Truff. Very good, sir. [Calling] Waiter, is there anything more to come? [Aside] I'll put this pudding aside for myself. [Hides it.]
[Enter First Waiter with dish.]
1st Wait. Here's the roast.
Truff. [takes the roast]. Quick, the dessert!
1st Wait. Lord, what a fluster! In a minute.
[Exit 1st Wait.]
Truff. I'll take the roast to this gentleman. [Takes it to Flor. Re-enter 1st Wait.]
1st Wait. [with plate of fruit]. Here's the dessert; where are you?
Truff. [re-entering from Flor.'s room]. Here.
1st Wait. [gives him the fruit]. There. Anything more?
Truff. Wait. [Takes the dessert to Beat.]
1st Wait. He jumps about here and there like the devil himself.
Truff. [re-entering]. That will do. Nobody wants any more.
1st Wait. I'm glad to hear it.
Truff. And now lay the table for me.
1st Wait. In a moment. [Exit 1st Wait.]
Truff. Now for my pudding! Hurrah! I've got through it all, they are all content, they want nothing more, they've had a very good dinner. I have waited at table on two masters at once, and neither knew of the other. But if I have waited for two, now I am going to eat for four.
END OF SCENE II
SCENE III
A street with Brighella's inn.
Enter Smeraldina.
Smer. A very proper sort of young lady my mistress is! To send me all alone with a letter to a tavern, a young girl like me! Waiting on a woman in love is a sad business. This young lady of mine does a thousand crazy things, and what I cannot understand is this—if she is so much in love with Signor Silvio as to be ready to disembowel herself for him, why does she send letters to another gentleman? One for summer and one for winter, I suppose! Well, there it is! I am not going inside that tavern. I'll call; somebody will come out. Hey there! anyone at home?
[First Waiter comes out of the inn.]
1st Wait. Now, young woman, what do you want?
Smer. [aside]. I feel thoroughly ashamed. [To Wait.] Tell me—a certain Signor Federigo Rasponi lodges here, does he not?
1st Wait. Yes, indeed. He has just this moment finished dinner.
Smer. I have something to say to him.
1st Wait. A message? you can come inside.
Smer. And what sort of a girl do you take me for? I am the waiting-maid of the lady he is to marry.
1st Wait. Well then, pray step this way.
Smer. Oh, but I don't like to go in there.
1st Wait. Do you expect me to bring him out into the street for you? That would not be at all the right thing; more especially as he has Signor Pantalone dei Bisognosi with him.
Smer. What, my master? worse and worse! I'll not come in.
1st Wait. I can send his servant, if you like.
Smer. The little dark man?
1st Wait. Exactly so.
Smer. Yes, do send him.
1st Wait. [aside]. I understand. She fancies the little dark man, and is ashamed to come inside. She is not ashamed to be seen with him in the middle of the street. [Goes in.]
Smer. If the master sees me, whatever shall I say? I'll tell him I came to look for him; that will do nicely. I'm never short of an answer.
[Enter Truffaldino with a bottle in his hand, a glass and a napkin.]
Truff. Who sent for me?
Smer. I did, sir. I ask pardon if I have troubled you.
Truff. Not a bit of it. I am here to receive your commands.
Smer. I fear I must have taken you from your dinner.
Truff. I was having dinner, but I can go back to it.
Smer. I am truly sorry.
Truff. I am delighted. The fact is, I have had my bellyful, and your bright eyes are just the right thing to make me digest it.
Smer. [aside]. Very gallant!
Truff. I'll just set down this bottle, and then I'm with you, my dear.
Smer. [aside]. He called me "my dear"! [To Truff.] My mistress sends this letter to Signor Federigo Rasponi; I do not like to come into the tavern, so I thought I might put you to this trouble, as you are his man.
Truff. I'll take it with pleasure; but first, you must know that I have a message for you.
Smer. From whom?
Truff. From a very honest man. Tell me, are you acquainted with one Truffaldin' Battocchio?
Smer. I think I have heard him spoken of, but I am not sure. [Aside] It must be himself.
Truff. He's a good-looking man; short, thickset, with plenty of wit to his talk. Understands butlering too—
Smer. I don't know him from Adam.
Truff. Yes, you do; and what's more, he's in love with you.
Smer. Oh! you are making fun of me.
Truff. And if he could only have just a little hope that his affections were returned, he would make himself known.
Smer. Well, sir, if I were to see him, and he took my fancy, it might possibly be that I should return his affection.
Truff. Shall I show him to you?
Smer. I should like to see him.
Truff. Just a moment. [Goes into the inn.]
Smer. Then 'tis not he.
[Truffaldino comes out of the inn, makes low bows to Smeraldina, passes close to her, sighs, and goes back into the inn.]
Smer. I do not understand this play-acting.
Truff. [re-entering]. Did you see him?
Smer. See whom?
Truff. The man who is in love with your beauty.
Smer. I saw no one but you.
Truff. [sighs]. Well!
Smer. Is it you, then, who profess to be in love with me?
Truff. It is. [Sighs.]
Smer. Why did you not say so before?
Truff. Because I am rather shy.
Smer. [aside]. He would make a stone fall in love with him.
Truff. Well, and what do you say?
Smer. I say—
Truff. Come, tell me.
Smer. Oh—I am rather shy too.
Truff. Then if we were joined up, 'twould be a marriage of two people who are rather shy.
Smer. I must say, you are just my fancy.
Truff. Are you a maid?
Smer. Need you ask?
Truff. I suppose that means "certainly not".
Smer. On the contrary, it means "certainly I am".
Truff. I am a bachelor too.
Smer. I could have been married fifty times, but I never found the man I really fancied.
Truff. Do you think there is any hope for me?
Smer. Well—to tell the truth—really—I must say—there's a—something about you—No, I won't say another word.
Truff. If somebody wanted to marry you, what would he have to do?
Smer. I have neither father nor mother. He would have to speak to my master, or to my mistress.
Truff. And if I speak to them, what will they say?
Smer. They will say, that if I am content—
Truff. And what will you say?
Smer. I shall say—that if they are content too—
Truff. That will do. We shall all be content. Give me the letter and when I bring you back the answer, we will have a talk.
Smer. Here's the letter.
Truff. Do you know what is in it?
Smer. No—if you only knew how curious I am to know!
Truff. I hope it is not a disdainful letter, or I shall get my face spoiled.
Smer. Who knows? It can't be a love-letter.
Truff. I don't want to get into trouble. If I don't know what is in the letter, I am not going to take it.
Smer. We could open it—but how are we to seal it again?
Truff. Leave it to me; sealing letters is just my job. No one will ever know anything.
Smer. Then let us open it.
Truff. Can you read?
Smer. A little. But you can read well, I'm sure.
Truff. Yes, I too can read just a little.
Smer. Then let us hear.
Truff. We must open it cleanly. [Tears off a piece.]
Smer. Oh! what have you done?
Truff. Nothing. I've a secret way to mend it. Here it is, open.
Smer. Quick, read it.
Truff. You read it. You will know your young lady's handwriting better than I do.
Smer. [looking at the letter]. Really, I can't make out a word.
Truff. [same business]. Nor I neither.
Smer. Then what was the good of opening it?
Truff. [takes the letter]. Wait; let me think; I can make out some of it.
Smer. Oh I know some of the letters too.
Truff. Let us try one by one. Isn't that an M?
Smer. No! that's an R!
Truff. Between R and M there is very little difference.
Smer. Ri, ri, o. No, no; keep quiet; I think it is an M—Mi, mi, o,—mio!
Truff. It's not mio, it's mia.
Smer. But it is, there's the hook—
Truff. That proves it is mia.
Beatrice comes out of the inn with Pantalone.
Pant. [to Smer.]. What are you doing here?
Smer. [frightened]. Nothing, sir; I came to look for you.
Pant. [to Smer.]. What do you want with me?
Smer. The mistress wants you, sir.
Beat. [to Truff.]. What is this paper?
Truff. [frightened]. Nothing, just a bit of paper—
Beat. Let me see.
Truff. [gives paper trembling]. Yes, sir.
Beat. What? This is a letter addressed to me. Villain, will you open all my letters?
Truff. I know nothing about it, sir—
Beat. Look, Signor Pantalone, here is a letter from Signora Clarice, in which she tells me of Silvio's insane jealousy—and this rascal has the impudence to open it!
Pant. [to Smer.]. And you helped him to do so?
Smer. I know nothing about it, sir.
Beat. Who opened this letter?
Truff. Not I.
Smer. Nor I.
Pant. Well, who brought it?
Smer. Truffaldino brought it to his master.
Truff. And Smeraldina brought it to Truffaldino.
Smer. [aside]. Sneak! I don't like you any more.
Pant. You meddlesome little hussy, so you are the cause of all this trouble are you? I've a good mind to smack your face.
Smer. I've never had my face smacked by any man; I'm surprised at you.
Pant. [coming near her]. Is that the way you answer me?
Smer. You won't catch me. You're too rheumatic, you can't run.
[Exit running]
Pant. You saucy minx, I'll show you if I can run; I'll catch you. [Runs after her.]
Truff. [aside]. If I only knew how to get out of this!
Beat. [looking at the letter, aside]. Poor Clarice! she is in despair over Silvio's jealousy; 'twill be best for me to discover myself and set her mind at rest.
Truff. [tries to steal away quietly]. I don't think he is looking. I'll try to get away.
Beat. Where are you off to?
Truff. Nowhere. [Stops.]
Beat. Why did you open this letter?
Truff. It was Smeraldina; I had nothing to do with it.
Beat. Smeraldina, forsooth! You did it, you rascal. One and one make two. That's the second letter of mine you have opened to-day. Come here.
Truff. [approaching timidly]. Oh for mercy's sake, sir—
Beat. Come here, I say.
Truff. [same business]. Oh for the love of Heaven—
Beatrice takes the stick which Truffaldino has at his flank (i.e. Harlequin's wooden sword or baton) and beats him well, she standing with her back to the inn. Florindo appears at the window and sees the beating.
Flor. What's this? beating my servant? [Leaves window.]
Truff. Stop, stop, sir, for pity's sake.
Beat. Take that, rascal, and learn to open my letters. [Throws stick down on the ground, and Exit to street.]
Truff. [after Beat. has gone]. My blood! my body! Is that the way to treat a man of my sort? Beat a man like me? If a servant is no good, you can send him away, but you don't beat him.
[Florindo comes out unseen by Truffaldino.]
Flor. What's that?
Truff. [seeing Flor.]. Oh! I said people had no business to beat other people's servants like that. This is an insult to my master. [Looking towards direction of Beat.'s Exit.]
Flor. Yes, 'tis an affront put upon me. Who was it gave you a thrashing?
Truff. I couldn't say, sir; I do not know him.
Flor. Why did he thrash you?
Truff. Because I—I spat on his shoe.
Flor. And you let yourself be beaten like that? did nothing? made no attempt to defend yourself? And you expose your master to insult, with perhaps serious consequences? Ass! fool! poltroon! [Picks up the stick] Since you enjoy being thrashed, I'll give you your pleasure, I'll thrash you myself as well. [Thrashes him and Exit into inn.]
Truff. Well, there's no mistake about my being the servant of two masters. They have both paid me my wages.
[Exit into the inn.]
END OF ACT II