Sunday Family Humour 8th April

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Repent O Scottish Sinner

Thanks to Cory A.

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.

Smokey put in a bid and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with water...

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Smokey was no fool.

He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,

So he got down on his knees and cried:

"Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...

(You’re going to love this)

"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

Close in with Gorillas

Thanks to Paul S.

Historical Photos

Thanks to Ray O'.

Imagine you are the photographer.

Try to feel the vibes at the time of the picture.

Most pictures are USA about 100 years ago,

but they evoke memories of all cultures from one hundred years ago or more recent.

Historical photos.ppt

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Moral Test

Thanks to Bill S.

Moral Test....Read to the end before making a judgment...Cheers

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.

By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which

you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

*** THE SITUATION: ***

You are in London. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane

with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions.

You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're

caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly

hopeless.

You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and

people swirling around you, some disappearing into the water. Nature is

unleashing all of its destructive fury.

*** THE TEST: ***

Suddenly, you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life,

trying not to be taken down with the debris

You move closer... Somehow, the man looks familiar....

You suddenly realize who it is.... It's the Muslim Cleric, Abu Hamza,

the one-eyed, hook handed bastard who hates non-Muslims and wants the

UK to become an Islamic state!!

You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever.

You have two options:

You can save the life of Abu or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize

winning photo, documenting the death of one of the country's most

despised, evil and powerful men!

*** NOW THE QUESTION AND PLEASE GIVE AN HONEST ANSWER ***

Would you select high contrast colour film or, would you go with the

classic simplicity of black and white?

Road Rage

Thanks to David M.

African elephant, as opposed to Thai elephants!

These photos was taken in Pilanesberg game reserve, South Africa.

The guy in the Volkswagen was trying to get past the elephant

in typical VW arrogance and he got his comeuppance.

Why Teachers Drink

Thanks to Captain Bob

An Eagle, a Fox and a Cat in Harmony

Thanks to ATS

Retarded Grandparents

Thanks to Ray M.

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils to write an essay on how they spent their holiday away from school.

One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Batemans Bay where everyone lives in nice little houses, and so they don't have to mow the grass any more!

They ride around on their bicycles and scooters and wear name tags because they don't know who they are any more. They go to a building called a wreck centre, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now. They do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts!

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night - early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked centre for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

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