Sunday Family Humour 25th February

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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The lone piper

Thanks to Tony H.

Bagpiper at a Funeral

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a

funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless

man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a

paupers cemetery in the back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods,

I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently

gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the

diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt bad and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the

side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in

place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played

out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like

I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept,

I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes

and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I

never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic

tanks for twenty years."

Apparently I'm still lost....it's a man thing

Dogs

Thanks to David M.

Dogs!!.pps

Babylonia

Thanks to Lee

BABILÔNIA-Berçodacivilização.pps

Lemon cures cancer

Thanks to Lee

Institute of Health Sciences, 819 N. L.L.C. Charles Street Baltimore , MD 1201. This is the latest in medicine, effective for cancer! Read carefully & you be the judge.

Lemon (Citrus) is a miraculous product to kill cancer cells. It is 10,000 times stronger than chemotherapy. Why do we not know about that? Because there are laboratories interested in making a synthetic version that will bring them huge profits.

You can now help a friend in need by letting him/her know that lemon juice is beneficial in preventing the disease. Its taste is pleasant and it does not produce the horrific effects of chemotherapy. How many people will die while this closely guarded secret is kept, so as not to jeopardize the beneficial multimillionaires large corporations?

As you know, the lemon tree is known for its varieties of lemons and limes. You can eat the fruit in different ways: you can eat the pulp, juice press, prepare drinks, sorbets, pastries, etc... It is credited with many virtues, but the most interesting is the effect it produces on cysts and tumors. This plant is a proven remedy against cancers of all types. Some say it is very useful in all variants of cancer. It is considered also as an anti microbial spectrum against bacterial infections and fungi, effective against internal parasites and worms, it regulates blood pressure which is too high and an antidepressant, combats stress and nervous disorders.

The source of this information is fascinating: it comes from one of the largest drug manufacturers in the world, says that after more than 20 laboratory tests since 1970, the extracts revealed that: It destroys the malignant cells in 12 cancers, including colon, breast, prostate, lung and pancreas... The compounds of this tree showed 10,000 times better than the product Adriamycin, a drug normally used chemotherapeutic in the world, slowing the growth of cancer cells. And what is even more astonishing: this type of therapy with lemon extract only destroys malignant cancer cells and it does not affect healthy cells.

Institute of Health Sciences, 819 N. L.L.C. Cause Street , Baltimore , MD

For that special evening on an Italian Cruise.

Thanks to Tony H.

Classic footage 1936 Pontiac Assembly Line

Thanks to Captain Bob

Ethical Decision (FUNNY)

Thanks to Ray O'.

What if you were playing in the championship golf tournament finals and the match was tied at the end of 17 holes.

You had the honor and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple

six iron to the pin.

Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway.

Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for his ball.

Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your opponent says:

"Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don't find it in time, I'll concede the match."

You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from the pin.

About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim from deep in the woods:

"I found it!".

The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from the hole.

What is the most ethical course of action if . . .

you had your opponent's ball in your pocket?