Sunday Family Humour 15th January

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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Children in restaurants

Thank to Paul S.

Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant.

My six-year-old grandson asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said,

"God is good, God is great. Thank you for the

food, and I would even thank you more if Nana gets us ice cream for dessert.

And liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark,

"That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray.

Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears and asked me,

"Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job,

and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at my grandson and said,

"I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my grandson asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added

(indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing),

"Too bad she never asks God for ice cream.

A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal.

My grandson stared at his for a moment,

and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word,

walked over and placed it in front of the woman.

With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you.

Shove it up your ass, you grouchy old bitch! "

The End

Be who you are and say what you feel

... because those that matter... don't mind

...and those that mind...don't matter!

Amazing Stunts

Thanks to Ray M.

Snow

Thanks to Lee

snow.pps

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Eerie Stuff

Thanks to Ray M.

An unexpected side-effect of the flooding in parts of Pakistan has been

that millions of spiders climbed up into the trees to escape the rising flood

waters.

Because of the scale of the flooding and the fact that the water has taken

so long to recede, many trees have become cocooned in spiders webs.

People in this part of Sindh have never seen this phenomenon before but

they also report that there are now far fewer mosquitoes than they would

expect, given the amount of stagnant, standing water that is around.

It is thought that the mosquitos are getting caught in the spiders web thus

reducing the risk of malaria, which would be one blessing for the people

of Sindh, facing so many other hardships after the floods.

Simply Amazing!

Life from the seat of a tractor

Thanks to Ray O'.

AN OLD FARMER'S WORDS OF WISDOM

“YOUR FENCES NEED TO BE HORSE-HIGH, PIG-TIGHT AND BULL-STRONG.”

“KEEP SKUNKS AND BANKERS AT A DISTANCE.”

“LIFE IS SIMPLER WHEN YOU PLOW AROUND THE STUMP.”

“A BUMBLE BEE IS CONSIDERABLY FASTER THAN A JOHN DEERE TRACTOR.”

“WORDS THAT SOAK INTO YOUR EARS ARE WHISPERED…....NOT YELLED.”

“MEANNESS DON'T JUST HAPPEN OVERNIGHT.”

“FORGIVE YOUR ENEMIES; IT MESSES UP THEIR HEADS.”

“DO NOT CORNER SOMETHING THAT YOU KNOW IS MEANER THAN YOU.”

“IT DON'T TAKE A VERY BIG PERSON TO CARRY A GRUDGE.”

“YOU CANNOT UNSAY A CRUEL WORD.”

“EVERY PATH HAS A FEW PUDDLES.”

“WHEN YOU WALLOW WITH PIGS, EXPECT TO GET DIRTY.”

“THE BEST SERMONS ARE LIVED, NOT PREACHED.”

“MOST OF THE STUFF PEOPLE WORRY ABOUT, AIN'T NEVER GONNA HAPPEN ANYWAY.”

“DON'T JUDGE FOLKS BY THEIR RELATIVES.

“REMEMBER THAT SILENCE IS SOMETIMES THE BEST ANSWER.”

“LIVE A GOOD AND HONORABLE LIFE, THEN WHEN YOU GET OLDER AND THINK BACK, YOU'LL ENJOY IT A SECOND TIME.

“DON'T INTERFERE WITH SOMETHIN' THAT AIN'T BOTHERING YOU NONE.”

“TIMIN' HAS A LOT TO DO WITH THE OUTCOME OF A RAIN DANCE.”

“IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A HOLE, THE FIRST THING TO DO IS STOP DIGGIN'.”

“SOMETIMES YOU GET, AND SOMETIMES YOU GET GOT.

“THE BIGGEST TROUBLEMAKER YOU'LL PROBABLY EVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH, WATCHES YOU FROM THE MIRROR EVERY MORNIN'.”

“ALWAYS DRINK UPSTREAM FROM THE HERD.”

“GOOD JUDGMENT COMES FROM EXPERIENCE, AND A LOTTA THAT COMES FROM BAD JUDGMENT.”

“LETTIN' THE CAT OUTTA THE BAG IS A WHOLE LOT EASIER THAN PUTTIN' IT BACK IN.”

“IF YOU GET TO THINKIN' YOU'RE A PERSON OF SOME INFLUENCE, TRY ORDERIN' SOMEBODY ELSE'S DOG AROUND.”

“LIVE SIMPLY, LOVE GENEROUSLY, CARE DEEPLY, SPEAK KINDLY, AND LEAVE THE REST TO GOD.”

“DON'T PICK A FIGHT WITH AN OLD MAN. IF HE IS TOO OLD TO FIGHT, HE'LL JUST KILL YOU.”

AND, FINALLY.........................................

Old People Parking

Thanks to Lee

World's Rarest Car

Thanks to Captain Bob.

This is the car that in 1954 could have "killed" the Corvette.

So, Chevrolet, being GM's big sales and profit division,

Campaigned to GM to "kill" this car.

When Chevy was coming out with its 6-cyl. Sports car with its

2-speed "powerglide" transmission and side curtains,

Here was a sports car from Olds with a big old V-8 and

Power windows.

So, GM said no to Oldsmobile on building this car.

The world's rarest automobile: a 1954 Concept Old's Rocket

F88 - the only one in existence.

( The story)

John S. Hendricks, (Discovery Communications founder) paid

In excess of 3 million to acquire this 1954 Oldsmobile F-88

Convertible Concept Car .

After spending decades as a collection of parts stuffed into

Wooden crates, the F-88 was reassembled.

In 1954, the F-88 was a Motorama Dream Car, and was one

Of only two, or an unconfirmed possible three, ever created.

The F-88 seen here is literally the only car left of its kind,

And was sold to John and Maureen Hendricks at the

Prestigious Barrett-Jackson Auto Auction in Scottsdale ,

Arizona , for an unbelievable $3,240,000.

This acquisition made automotive history, and is in the

Cornerstone of the Gateway Colorado Automobile

Museum, in its own special room in a rotating display,

Worthy of the F-88!

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