Sunday Family Humour 22nd January

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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ANSWERS OF A BRILLIANT STUDENT WHO GOT AN F....

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?

* his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

* at the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?

* liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?

* marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?

* exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?

* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?

* The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

* it will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ??

* No problem, he sleeps at night

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?

* Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build the same wall?

* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

*Concrete floors are very hard to crack!

Fred Astaire and Eleanor Powell

Thanks to Paul S.

You don't see entertainment like this any more.

The World's Largest

Thanks to Tony H.

How amazing some of these things are. The locations of the churches is very surprising. Have any of you encountered the highway exchange?

WORLD'S LARGEST INDOOR SWIMMING POOL

World Water Park ... Edmonton , Albert , Canada ...........SIZE....5 Acres

WORLD'S LARGEST OFFICE COMPLEX ........ CHICAGO

Chicago Merchandise Mart.... Illinois , USA

WORLD'S LARGEST SHOPPING MALL

South China Mall, Dongguan, China. 892,000 meter-square

Shops on 6 floors

WORLD'S WIDEST BRIDGE........ AUSTRALIA

Sydney harbor bridge, Australia ....16 lanes of car traffic.. ....8 lanes in the upper floor, 8 in the lower floor

WORLD'S LONGEST BRIDGE.............. CHINA

Donghai Bridge, China ...................... 32.5 kilo meters

WORLD'S BIGGEST PASSENGER SHIP

MS Freedom of the Seas...... 4300 passenger Capacity Inside

WORLD'S BIGGEST PLANE............... AIRBUS

Airbus A380........... 555 Passengers

WORLD'S BIGGEST BUS

Neoplan Jumbo - cruiser...... 2 in 1 bus.... double deck bus...... 170 passenger capacity

WORLD'S HIGHEST STATUE............... BRAZIL

CHRIST THE REDEEMER STATUE..... RIO.D.J....... BRAZIL

WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING......... DUBAI

Burj Dubai........... 900 meters high. Finally completed 2008

WORLD'S LARGEST PALACE................... ROMANIA

Palace of the Parliament..... Bucharest , Romania ........... more than 500 bedrooms, 55 kitchens,120 sitting rooms

WORLD'S BIGGEST STADIUM......... BRAZIL

MARACANA STADIUM........... RIO D.J............ BRAZIL CAPACITY...199 ,000

WORLD'S COSTLIEST STADIUM....... ENGLAND

New WEMBLEY STADIUM, London ... 90,000 capacities...............cost..... $1.6 billion

WORLD'S MOST COMPLEX INTER-CHANGE......... TEXAS

Interstate 10 Highways Interchange...... Houston, Texas

WORLD'S BIGGEST EXCAVATOR

Built by KRUPP of Germany ........ 45,500 tons..... 95 meters high....... 215 meters long

WORLD'S LARGEST MOSQUE................. PAKISTAN

Shah Feisal mosque..... Islamabad ... Pakistan

Inside hall capacity ... 35, 000 outside overflow capacity..... 150,000

WORLD'S LARGEST HOTEL......... LAS VEGAS

MGM Grand Hotel... Las Vegas. 6,276 rooms.

WORLD'S MOST EXPENSIVE HOTEL . DUBAI ..U.A.E

Burj Al Arab Hotel, Dubai ... only 7 Star Hotel in the World

Cheapest room... $1000 per night....... Royal suit... $28,000 per night

WORLD'S Largest CHURCH BUILDING ......... NIGERIA

Winners` Chapel.......Canaanland .. Otta........ Nigeria

Inside Sitting Capacity...... 50,000 Outside Overflow Capacity.....250,000

WORLD'S BIGGEST ROMAN-CATHOLIC CATHEDRAL........... IVORY-COAST

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Pink Floyd - Time

Thanks to UnSlaveMe

RETIRED/BORED HUSBAND

Thanks to Capt Bob.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris,

are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms

and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,

'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.

This caused the employee to leave her assigned station

and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor

that in turn resulted with a union grievance,

causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department

and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in

if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department

to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,

'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,

he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the

' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'

by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled

'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,

he assumed a

fetal position and screamed

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,

and then yelled very loudly,

'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

The Beauty of Pollination

Reasons for Extinction

Thanks to Lee

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