Sunday Family Humour 25th December Page 2
Sunday Family Humour 25th December Page 2
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
How Not To Make a Christmas Cake
Thanks to Tony H.
Ingredients:
* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4 large eggs
* Nuts
* 2 bottle wine
* 2 cups of dried fruit
Sample the wine to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the wine again.
To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large
fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's
best to make sure the wine is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in
the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner.. If the fried
druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the wine to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or
something. Check the wine. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the
window. Finish the wine and wipe counter with the cat.
Go to Tesco and buy cake.
Bingle Jells!
The Best Pole Dancer
Thanks to Tony H.
Xmas Cartoons
Thanks to Paul S.
Into the home stretch for 2011
Thanks to Paul S.
JUST WISHING YOU ALL THE VERY BEST FOR THE CHRISTMAS SEASON
AND THE BEST NEW YEARS EVER 2012
Here is the last month of 2011 wishes for YOU…
May you ALWAYS make the right move
May your cup runneth over with love
MAY YOU ALWAYS FIND SHELTER FROM ANY STORM
May you remain good looking and looking good.
May you find the perfect diet for your body and your soul.
May you find perfect balance in the company you keep.
May you have as much fun as you can before someone makes you stop.
May the worst thing that happens to you come in slobbery pink and furry TAN.
May you manage to MAKE time for Time Out!
May all the new folks you meet be interesting and kind.
May you always know when to walk away... and when to RUN!
AND MAY YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY ALWAYS BRING YOU JOY
May the last month of 2011 be your BEST EVER!!!
May this time only hold good health, successful projects, professional growth and happiness for u and your loved ones!
Bikini Wax
Thanks to Ray O'.
YOU HAVE 2 COWS
Thanks to David H.
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
Motivational Posters
Thanks to Capt. Bob
This is a good one for the kids young and old
Please click on this link to see and hear
Santa's Reindeer Orchestra.
Amazon Affiliation
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Order all your Christmas presents, books and videos here
Please order your Amazon books, music and other products through this link.
Sunday Family Humour will receive a small commission, and you get the same great Amazon service.
Thank you.
Amazon
We recommend the Kindle - it saves trees!
And especially for the Ladies
Amazon Endless
How about a gift card?
Visit relaxing Laos
Vientiane Hashes run every Saturday and Monday
and monthly bike hashes