Sunday Family Humour 4th March

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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Military Jokes

Thanks to Jane MacR.

The story of Uncle Bob

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess"

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't mess with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."

--------

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were
clear; no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the
windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.

The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"

The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."

"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker
on the windshield."

The general said, "Drive on!"

The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have
orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."

The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on."

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new
at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"


-------

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!

The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"

"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"



Three Jaw Droppers

Thanks to Ray O'.

 

Flagrant surfing.wmv

   

Falgran driving.wmv




Flagrant pot holing_24.wmv




Snow Scenes

Thanks to Ray M.

Snow scenes.pps



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Snowboarding Dog

Thanks to Ray M.

snowboarding dog





Cool Facts About the Body

Thanks to David M.


Cool Facts About The Human Body



Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.

human body 1

The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
human body 2



You use 200 muscles to take one step.
human body 3




The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
human body 4


Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
human body 5



A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.
human body 6



A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball..
human body 7


The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
human body 8



The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopaedia Britannica.
human body 9



It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
human body 10



The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
human body 11



Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
human body 12



At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
human body 13



There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
human body 14


Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
human body 15



The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
human body 16



Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.
human body 17



When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate,
and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

human body 18



Your thumb is the same length of your nose.

human body 19


At this very moment I know well you are putting this last fact to the test...!

...now remove your thumb from your nose.



Magic on an Ipad

Thanks to Captain Bob

Magic on an Ipad



Gallapagos Islands

Thanks to Ray O',

Galapagos.pps




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