Then and Now

Thanks to David M.

The Route to Alcoholism

Thanks to Captain Bob

I used to be like this...........

Then I met a girl.

She was like this.

Together, we were like this.

I gave her gifts like this.

When she accepted my proposal, I was like this.

I used to talk to her all night like this.

And at the office I used to do this.

When my friends saw my girlfriend, they stared like this

And I used to react like this.

But on Valentines Day,

she received a red rose from someone else like this.

And she was like this

And I was like this

Which later led to this.

and this

I felt like doing this

So I started doing this

NOW look at me

DAMN GIRLS!......

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Treatment of Terrorists

Thanks to David H.

A Canadian female libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the Canadian government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

National Defence Headquarters

M.Gen George R. Pearkes Bldg,

15 NT 101 Colonel By Drive,

Ottawa ,

ON K1A 0K2

Canada

She received back the following reply:

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces,

who were subsequently transferred to the legitimate Republic of Afghanistan Government

and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Republic of Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa .

You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself;

we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defence, to be called

'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program,

or L.A.R.K. for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program,

we have decided to divert just one terrorist and place him in your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation

under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed)

is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint.

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed

are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent,

we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem'

will help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.

We understand that you plan to offer counselling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat

and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers.

We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group.

He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products,

so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually)

since he views females as a subhuman form of property.

This is a particularly sensitive subject for him

and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women

who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.

I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time.

Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your letter.

Thanks again for your concern.

We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man.

Please take good care of Ahmed and remember we'll be watching.

Good luck and God bless you.

Cordially,

Gordon O'Connor

Minister of National Defence

Suitable for all ages that can count up to 15.

Therapy for the Soul

Thanks to Ray O'.

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