Sunday Family Humour 23rd October Page 2
Sunday Family Humour 23rd October Page 2
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
The sharing of marriage
Thanks to Peter D.
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half,
placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries,
dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink,
his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them .
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, t
he people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table
and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.
The old man said, they were just fine
- they were used to sharing everything
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.
She sat there watching her husband eat
and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them
to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said
'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin,
the young man again came over to the little old lady
who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked
'What is it you are waiting for?'
She answered
(Continue below - This is great)
'THE TEETH.'
Every Chevrolet convertible since 1912
Thanks to David Meyer
Wow! What do you suppose this collection is worth ?
This collection belongs to Dennis Albaugh in Ankeny , Iowa , just north of Des Moines .
The personal and private collection consists of 110 + Chevrolet convertibles.
all years from 1912 to 1975 and Corvette convertibles from 1953 to 1975.
That is a Chevy convertible from every year EXCEPT 1939.
The reason? - Chevy didn't make a convertible in '39 -- and ended its convertible line in '75.
His 'boy toys' include his own 18 hole golf course, copied somewhat after Augusta National.
He is what you call a REAL Chevy guy, but his passion seems to be convertibles.
This billionaire made his fortune selling farm chemicals.
WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED
Thanks to Bill S.
Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A week-long vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color..
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other asFat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators..
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Scenic Isle of Man @ 245 m.p.h.
Thanks to Ray O'.
The Isle of Man TT motorcycle race.
Still considered to be the most dangerous bike race in the world.
Over 37 miles of road on an island that still has public lashing.
If you crash and don't die, you are considered to be lucky.
Nowadays these guys are going faster then ever.
Amazing to watch-good music,
but check out the wind sheer, speed and factors that cause the bike to waiver-this is out of control.
Comic Moments
Thanks to Ray O'.
Idiot with a gun
Thanks to David H.
WORKING MORE THAN TWO HOURS?
Thanks to Ray O'.
Try Doing These Exercises At Your Computer...
When you are stiff and sore from sitting at your computer
for long periods, it's best if you vary your position and
posture periodically. We know we shouldn't sit for too
long without taking a break to stretch and move around,
but we forget, and then pay for it at the end of the day. In
order to prevent chronic back & neck pain, here are several
excellent stretches that are suggested to relieve the stress.
Try one of these the next time your back and neck start
feeling tight......
There, now don't you feel better?
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