Sunday Family Humour 22nd April

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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Puns

Thanks to Ray O'P.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's  syncing now.

  When chemists die, they barium. 

 Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
 

I know  a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
 

How  does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
 

I stayed up all night to see where  the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
 

This girl said she recognized me from  the vegetarian club, but I'd never
 met herbivore. 

I'm reading a book  about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
 

I did a theatrical  performance about puns.
It was a play on words.
 

 They told me I had type-A  blood, but it was a Type-O.
 

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.
 

Why  were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
 

 We’re going on a  class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no
 pop quiz. 

I didn't  like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
 


 Did you hear about the  cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she
 couldn't control her  pupils? 

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.


 Broken  pencils are pointless. 

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
 

What  do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
 

England  has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
 

I used to be a banker,  but then I lost interest.
 

I dropped out of communism class because of  lousy Marx.
 

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been  stolen. The police
 have nothing to go on. 

I got a job at a bakery because  I kneaded dough.
 

Haunted French pancakes give me the  crêpes.
 

Velcro — what a rip off!
 

A cartoonist was found dead in  his home. Details are sketchy.
 

Venison for dinner again? Oh  deer!
 

 The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's  fault.


Have You Ever Seen an Ornithopter?

Thanks to Lee

Ornithopter1.wmv


Amazing Photos

Thanks to David M.

Amazing Photographs



Scuba diving off Indonesia

Thanks to David M.

The Ocean



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Magic - The biggest Cabaret in the World

Thanks to Ray M.

Magic - The Biggest Cabaret in the World



Lightning in a Jar

Thanks to Lee

Lightening ina jar‎



The Arrogance Of Authority!
Thanks to Alex S.
Arrogance 1
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher.

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....",
as he pointed out the location.


The DEA officer verbally exploded saying,
  "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket,
he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?! 
This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish....
On any land !!

No questions asked or answers given!! 
Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"


The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.


A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams,
looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life,
being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......



Arrogance 2



With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer,
and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. 
The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools,
ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....   
             

(I just love this part....)

"Your badge, show him your BADGE........ ! !"

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