Drifting Away

I am India woman. Mine was arrange marriage. I was very near to my grandmother. She

always used to advise me to adjust to new house culture as far possible.

The guide lines of my grandmother were very intense.

My husband liked cricket, I started watching all cricket matches without missing an over.

 He liked a certain artist, I would try to go through all of their work.

 He liked a movie, I would make sure I watch it in the next instance.

This was not a problem. I enjoyed exploring a new world and that helped me gain a different

experiences perspective in my new world.

The problem started when I started realizing that in the process I  stopped doing things that I

liked, that belong to my soul. I was trying so hard to become a different person- a person he

liked and that knew more about ‘his; world.

In fact, even if I genuinely liked something but if I came to know that my husband

 doesn’t enjoy that thing. I did not have courage to tell him that I do like certain activity.

I started asking myself

Why was I making my life all around him, about him in my world?

He was into his world, and was enjoying his fond activities.  He knew nothing about my

world while I was just trying to venture into his world.

I soon realized I was losing parts of myself, sub-conscious.

The feelings were so intense that I did not even realize that I was drifting away.

 I started realizing that I had stopped doing things that I liked, that filled my soul. I was trying

so hard to become a different person- a person I liked.

In fact, even if I genuinely liked something but got to know that he doesn’t enjoy that thing, I

would sub-consciously try to withdraw from that activity.

Why?

Why was I making my life all around him and trying to become copycat.

 He was happy in his character. Nothing about him had changed. He knew nothing about my

world while I was just venturing into his.

I now know I was sub-consciously losing parts of myself.

I was losing my creative skills which were so dear to me.

I realized my mistake and started making every conscious effort

 to be myself in all my life as much as possible.

MORAL-Every individual is different and is blessed with different potentials.

One should try oneself best to dig once potential and sharpen one’s skill.

Rather than copying another self even if other is so near to you.