BEST Colleague Quotes
Wise, funny, or in some way memorable things we've heard our colleagues say...
"We have waited so long for this topic to get resolved Chad had hair (currently no hair) and Tim lacked a beard (currently with a full beard), May 9, 2024
"What is cool is that we get to make mistakes...", Paulo, April 29, 2024
"This is just computational geometry..." after a computational physics modeler explained an extremely complex math model. Florentina, April 30, 2024
Co-worker asks, "Can I get access to that report?" Other co-worker says, "It is behind an Only Fans pay wall...". April 25, 2024
Michael mentioned to Dan, "You sound like you're another Forrest Gump like Mark is." Dan, "I am certainly at the intelligence level of Gump...". February 29, 2024
"Are you performing tech support on the Abacus?," Bob asking Alex...February 26, 2024
"Window's protocols are the Super Highway for ransomware...", Bob, February 23, 2024
"You don't want to be below the security poverty line...", Doug S., January 26, 2024
"We don't want to have so many pilots we could start an airline...", AB, January 26, 2024
'I'm not going to tell you how to suck eggs..." from a vendor explaining how to perform challenging tasks, January 10, 2024
"Can I ask an inflammatory question?" asks Tim. "You can do it better than anyone!", Bob, January 4, 2024
"I'm ironing in the background...", when someone overhead a noise during a call, Chad, December 20, 2023
"When it rains it pours and then we are living in Seattle...", Ian, October 31, 2023
"This is the takeaway I took...", Michael in regards to key learnings, October 12, 2023
"We are using the system to dream in the right direction...", presenter, October 11, 2023
"Hopefully it wasn't as terrible as it could have been...", Jared after presenting on an AI topic, October 10, 2023
"What I know about S4 (the SAP project) is that it is a letter, a number and a date...", Bruce, October 5, 2023
"We are not very mature. Some of these we are starting from nothing...", Jim, September 22, 2023
"I was trying to say you were on mute and I was on mute...", Shipi S., September 19, 2023
"It is unrelastic expectations that people can read my mind...", Bob B., August 15, 2023
"Life is tough when you lose your dongle...", Dan G. referring to losing a USB dongle, August 15, 2023
"No slackers; no jerks", Greg G., July 10, 2023
"It's a custom built squid and it will puke out ink at you...", Bob B., June 26, 2023
"This will require a multi-faceted assault to implement", Jennifer M., June 22, 2023
"It is like architecting by braille...", Bob B., June 14, 2023
"We're ready to be cutting edge guinea pigs...", Sarah C., June 8, 2023
"This is good...it's actually written down.", Bob B, May 10, 2023
"One size fits none," anonymous, April 21, 2023
"It's analogous to someone vetoing my airfare expense, because I've got a mountain bike in my garage...", anonymous, April 21, 2023
"We are enacting our 2023 eMail Reduction Act by using this software...", Mike W., March 23, 2023
"If this were a hockey game and I get a penalty at least I show up on the score sheet," Eileen S., March 8, 2023
"Embrace the 'crazy'", Tanja, March 8, 2023
"Don't be the first to tell yourself 'no'," Sheran, March 8, 2023
"Leading with empathy," Sheran, March 8, 2023
Work intake without additional funding and investing in solutions during uncertain economic times is like, "running down the dirt road with your pants at your ankles...," Anne C., March 6, 2023
"The 4th of Neveranuary", Joel, March 2, 2023
"It's a good place to go to die," referring to FL, Don K., February 23, 2023
"Colony Collapse Disorder is the unexpected death of a full hive. We have too many 'swarming' projects," Tim K., February 22, 2023
The cashier says when she rang me up, “the only reason I am breathing and standing here is to ring up your food.” 🤖👽, Michael, February 18, 2023
"What does the FOUP acronym mean? Is it 'Flying Overhead Unidentified Products'?", Tom J., February 4, 2023
"I'm too close to the end of my life to care..." Anonymous, February 2, 2023
Being distracted, "It's like lighting a handful of bottle rockets rather than a roman candle," Chaz, December 14, 2022
"I think this slide needs a little 'church up'", Joseph, December 9, 2022. Definition: Church up is the act of increasing the fanciness of a slide.
"WebEx is our snapchat," due to the 24 hour messages disappearing after typing them, Mark M., December 5, 2022
"We use water like its water..." talking about the usage of water at the factory, November 29, 2022
"It is like putting sticks in the raging river," when you're trying to start with some of the tasks in a project, Chaz, November 16, 2022
"I am trying to drink through a fire hose.", Michael "Does it feel like you're being water boarded?", Melissa M, November 7, 2022
"The Planning role is like 'winning the lottery'", Diana, November 4, 2022
"Our (Lenovo/ Dell) laptops are nothing more than Internet machines...", Amelia M., November 3, 2022
"Inventory: it's the cholesterol in the (manufacturing) plant", Rick, November 1, 2022
"Don't create islands of success in a sea of waste", Rick, October 31, 2022
"It is like doing the stupid stuff but with more energy...", Rick, Lean Facilitator, October 31, 2022
"A great watch needs no grease...yes, I referred to people as grease", Clint, October 31, 2022
"Is your dance card open for the next two weeks?", referring to a resource needed, Rich, October 28, 2022
"Some people want to print their pick list, they like a pen and paper to check it off. Just like some people drink buttermilk after their porridge," Ramesh Y., October 17, 2022
"Data is the new toxic waste dump," Brandon D., October 13, 2022
"Let me try to rain on your parade...", Rubin, September 28, 2022
"I have 48 process flow maps. It took a long time to build them...", Kate J., September 27, 2022
"I'm pretty happy with SAP." Laugher in the room. "I've never heard anyone say that before!" September 27, 2022
"I try to keep our customers equally unhappy...", September 27, 2022
"If we talk about product returns that may heighten the alcohol consumption tonight...", September 26, 2022
"I am so busy I feel like a drop of water on a hot skillet...", September 22, 2022
"My job is like fishing for sharks!," Anna C., September 7, 2022
"Is the business working for the ERP or is the ERP working for the business?", Diana S., August 31, 2022
"Sacred cows make the best hamburger," Bill S, August 31, 2022
"Hundreds of valves are missing nuts...they are nut-less," Anonymous, August 31, 2022
"Do you have any dietary restrictions?", asks Mark. "No, I eat rocks...", Rolando, August 15, 2022
"This year is whole new level of intensity...", says Michael. "It is Entegrifiied!", Mark, August 15, 2022
"They acknowledge Operational Technology when they are drunk...", Craig Z., August 9, 2022
"Improving the work is the work", Laszlo, August 9, 2022
"We need to have a genuine distaste for the status quo...", Joel O., August 9, 2022
"I pulled a muscle rolling my eyes...", Bob B., May 10, 2022
"The moose is designed by committee..." Doug M, March 31, 2022
"Sounds good in a poem..." Bob B, March 28, 2022
"There is no clean way to drink from a firehose..." Graham on KSP, March 23, 2022
"It's like running in a bucket of mayonnaise...", the amount of time moving data manually, Rich T., March 23, 2022
"You want to customize an end-to-end pokes yoke system where trained ferrets can do the work since the system does all the work? It can do that." John St., referring to the features of an MES system, March 8, 2022
"When you go to lunch with someone you end up messing with the silence..." captured by Melissa from a memory care patient, March 8, 2022
"Nobody cares about infrastructure until it no longer works.....like the toilet," Anne, February 22, 2022
"Good enforcement leaves no mark," Anne, February 16, 2022
"It sure seems like a booger floating in the wind," Anne, January 28, 2022
"The suspense is better than TV..." as Mark watched the team work through networking issues with a lot of people on the phone. January 11, 2022
"It's like seeing your aunt in the shower," when observing a major security risk... Rich, November 16, 2021
"We have SAP therefore we have Excel," Twan, November 16, 2021
"It's in my book. I wrote the book," Twan, November 16, 2021
"If costs were no object we wouldn't need architects!" Rich, October 22, 2021
"You think I'm a teenage girl that can text you back that fast?!?" Overheard from a phone conference call, October 19, 2021
"Its like grasping diarrhea vs. turds..." when trying to nail down something intangible. Anne C., September 30, 2021
"Are you happy with me?" so asks my son, Mark M., September 24, 2021
"As I peel back the onion on this problem I start crying...", Don, September 21, 201
"Sometimes it is like 'chaos on a stick'," says Dean, September, 15, 2021
"The best kind of Monday is a Tuesday," said on a Tuesday after Labor Day, Don, September, 7, 2021
"Hurricanes, earthquakes, droughts, fires, wars, terrorists, mass shootings, riots, political meltdowns, global virus - this is daily life in 2021," Michael, September, 8, 2021
"We have these sessions on Work Life balance and I don't have time for that..." Don, July 14, 2021
"I'm aligned as of today," Anne C., July 8, 2021
"PTO stands for 'part-time off'," Anne C., July 3, 2021
"A dog makes you more human," Anne K., June 29, 2021
"Its like using crayons on tin foil," Doug M., June 11, 2021
"A day in the company is akin to a dog year", Diana S., Michael D., March, 2021
"It's both frustrating and amazing," when Michael referred to architecture and Jenny says, "that's the definition of life!", April 29, 2021
"That person's role is a one person wrecking crew," Scott P., April 26, 2021
"Let me get my head configured," Steve M., February 10, 2021
"That's the first time I've heard IT being compared to a septic system...", when using architecture analogies, Jim, February 1, 2021
"We need to be good for more than just good snacks," Jeff B., January 28, 2021
"Do you want the romance before the chase scene?", Tim K. explaining a project's gyrations, January 13, 2021
"...otherwise you get the dog's breakfast...", Doug M. when talking about someone returning to their work, December 17, 2020
"Bewildering constellation," when referring to a daunting set of challenges, Simon C., October 21, 2020
"Chewing old soup...", Doug M., October 6, 2020
"Butts in chair, they don't care," Lisa P, August 25, 2020
"Unicorns and ponies don't exist," Jennifer M, August 20, 2020
"You can't have an IT meeting without talking about viruses", Todd E, August 17, 2020
"I've never swum in a data lake!", Tim K, August 13, 2020
"Part of my job is getting stood up!", Barbara, March 10, 2020
"It may not be Mrs Right but it is Mrs Right Now!", Dean S., March 5, 2020
"Data is the plural of anecdote," Dean S., March 5, 2020
"When I die I want to be buried by the Vikings so they can let me down one more time!" Mike Be, November 25, 2019
"Not every silence (between people) is awkward," Grayson U., November 25, 2019
"I like to count my blessings every day but I run out of fingers," Grayson U., November 25, 2019
"Where there's mystery there is (profit) margin," Dean S., November 21, 2019
"I'm a pretty good thinker and you're a pretty good talker so let's work together!", Dean S., November 21, 2019
"Google Sheets is good enough for Grocery Lists!," Ross S., November 19, 2019
“We shopped for women’s clothing together," so said two guys that worked a lot together in the last week Eric D, Dan B June 19, 2019
"Life insurance is useful for anyone that is alive," March 18, 2019 so says Katrina H
"My mood didn't change color, it stays black." March 6, 2019, Lisa F regarding her mood ring
"I am more deficient than normal", January 31, 2019 so says Garrett G
"We don't have to go very far to go forward" Renee, January 30, 2019
"My main goal is to kill the blue cards!" Bruce, January 30, 2019
Michael says, “You've drunk the Kool-Aid!” and Kristin says, “No, no, I made the Kool-Aid!!!” January 30, 2019
"You don't share your (pink) speedo", says Bill M, January 16, 2019
"I like closing the door and shaking the snow globe," says GU
"Its like punching me in the face with the Bible" when there are too many notifications on the app, TW
"I consider myself a human API between Chris and Scott", Dan B
"East-Coast Interesting" - (adj.) Kopkish for describing something as being truly interesting as opposed to the implicit meaning of the word "interesting" in cultures geographically located in the Midwest where it is meant to subtly imply "different", "odd", or "foreign" but in a passive-aggressive polite sort of way that is not meant to offend.
"Just say it" - (phrase) A term coined by Teresa I's during a social faux pas in which the intended subject of the directive was, in fact, already saying it. Used presently as an exclamation when directing someone to live into our cultural tenet of transparency, or in celebration when someone does so.
Kopkish - (noun) A word used to describe the sometimes cryptic language of the division's president, CK
"I don't like where the survey is...I think the name looks weird...I think the layout without photo IS weird...I think this being not mobile is very, very weird...AND not acceptable....Who designs for desktops any more? Are we in the 1990s? Do I need to run and meet the school bus? Sooo...a design not approved was implemented for the 1990s?" December 5, 2016
"Change is happening at the speed of wine fermenting...." Grayson, December , 2016
Wise, funny, or in some way memorable things we've heard our collegues say...
Enterprise Architecture Quotes
"Usefully Ambiguous" Darin Hawley
"This slide is eye numbing" Darin Hawley
"Are we giving in on this.... I mean 'compromising'?" Michael Dockham
"Everyone has the right to hang themselves." Anonymous
"You're too machine focused" Trevor Hebditch (comment to Geoff Boileau in a meeting)
"Ruthlessly crush all the definitional fiefdoms" Darin Hawley
"We've flipped, like a waffle house" Michael Dockham (in reference to a changing a decision numerous times)
"Go slow, to go fast" Michael Dockham (how planning properly ultimately benefits overall initiative perfomance)
"Is 'Data Retension' what you do when your information starts to sag?" Kyle Wiese (in reference to a misspelling)
"Oh, I'm optimistic, I'm just insane!" Geoff Boileau (when asked whether his optimism was flagging after he vented a little)
"Bait arc repnrt tn eb?" Trevor Hebditch (e-mail content of 3:30am flash of insight on EA organization structure)
"Spreadsheets are the accountant's cocaine!" Mike Burstein
"Architecture is like salt & pepper, you have to sprinkle it in many places" Mike Burstein / Raman Johar
"Not really; really, not." Michael Dockham (when asked whether progress had been made on a deliverable)
"The higher we rise, the louder we fall." Raman Johar (when describing the success of the EA Team's efforts to date, and how the bar has now been set higher)
"It may not always be easy to understand, but introducing a new term does not simplify the communication." Trevor Hebditch (You're right, Trev, it's not easy to understand!)
"Put some assets in the bin, and go!" Raman Johar
"It won't be a lighbulb going off type insight, it will be more like a dimmer switch" EA Team Member
"It doesn't offer anything to the sentence, if we assume people are intelligent." Trevor Hebditch (in response to a suggested change to a presentation!)
"The decision log is something which we don't have a decision on, yet, ironically." Darin Hawley
"Understanding of Dynamic capacity planning/DLPAR use, vitalization in an IBM hardware platform ..." A Tartan Document (Those IBM machines sure are vital!)
"Collective editing, can be a violent sport" Mike Kline (in reference to attempting to wordsmith and edit a document with a group of 8 - 9 people)
"Facilitate the Chaos" Trevor Hebditch (in reference to one of the delivery steps to operationalize BAITS)
"PITfalls: If you do not follow Process, Information and Technology in order then you will fall. PITfall" Trevor Hebditch (dreamed up at ICEX conference over drinks)
"Make sure we use the tool, and the tool doesn't use us" Raman Johar (in reference to our planning of how to structure ARIS IT Architect.
"In Principle do you agree with the Principles?" Joe Inserra
"Can you show me where I put my document?" Jay Robeson (the defining moment, proving he's now a veteran member of our team).
"You have to think two to three chess moves ahead." Michael Dockham
"The choir is preaching to you!" Pam Hullander (to Robin Cotton after Dave Cecchi promoted the value of Metadata Manager).
"It seemed to make sense last week." Mary Auer in ARIS design meeting after team flips on database approach.
"Can you appreciate the irony, EA team recognition event and we spend the entire time looking ahead to what's next." Geoff Boileau
"Are we all on the same page?, Yes... Page 53!" Raman Johar (in reference to the Operating Model picture in the "EA as Strategy" Book.
"SharePoint is a great example of where our ability to create has outstripped our ability to control" Dean Swann (in a ShareIT meeting on RIM / ECM)
"Honestly, there is not much we can do about the speed of light." Nels Looser (on the topic of network latency during ShareIT network presentation.)
"imho we need more tla it is part of our culture." Craig Peters (smart comment in an IM chat about the standard glossary footer cautioning against the use of acronyms)
"I am in the hairy apes category." Michaeleen Kruger (in response to the maturity of EA BAITS' evolution - some are apes, some are fully upright humans).
"Questions... is that really the answer?" Darin Hawley (when discussing the creation of filtering questions for EA involvement in projects).
"We are all non-conformists, that's why we are on this team" Michael Dockham insight into EA team membership.
"That's like giving a monkey a razor." Don Phillips (on being responsible for filtering/consolidating status reports).
"The gorks are coming." Beth Moran (demonstrating her familiarity with the Lord of the Rings trilogy).
“Way to go Charlie, you really know how to park a car.” (an example of overuse of supportive feedback, from Cargill Performance Management's "Giving Feedback Guidelines.")
"I have to plan to be spontaneous." Carlyn Sivoravong (on her planful nature).
" 'I' is the center of BAITS, you're just a bunch of BATS without us" EIA Team (jesting during a team meeting).
"Sometimes there is a fine line between vision and hallucination." Jim Bauhs (regarding the Vision Statement for EA).
"It's too bad people aren't smarter." Aaron Hangge (while dumbing down the design of a Sharepoint site).
“It’s not hypocrisy, it’s bureaucracy” Geoff Boileau (on the immense challenges involved in gaining project approval and then the even greater challenge of actually getting a project started)
"If there is any tool or technology that we can use to complicate things we will." Darin Hawley
"This work is so good, I'm going to have to give you a high 5!" -- "With all the fingers up?" EA Team Member (in referencee to potential creative use of the new recognition note pads).
"Just to clarify... you're aligned to US" Trip Brubacher (in responce to Troux declaring that Cargill is aligned to their approach to modeling capabilities).
"We'll follow your lead.... to hell and back" Andy (Troux) (in rebuttle to Trip's quote a above).
"The cloud, its above me." Kelsey Holthus (at an ICEX conference talking about Cloud architectures)
"We need to better explain what the 'dealing with ambiguity' survey question really means." Kelsey Holthus (ironic comment during EA All Hands presentation on culture scan).
"Don't worry, nobody is managing anything right now." Robin Cotton (in reference to not having a 3rd party service provider on the Cargill network untill first getting the required authorization).
"Does anyone else get this excited about content management?" Darin Hawley, "DEAN!" Nancy Wirth Drahozal / Geoff Boileau / Michael Dockham in unison.
"At Cargill there is no 'draft'" David Mundt in reference to estimates related to strategy work.
"For those of you that are looking for black and white answers on this issue, prepare to be disappointed." Trip Brubacher
"All it took is 'one beer,'" Trip Brubacher making a comment about putting the "E" in front of eInsight and how it showed up in EPDT.
"If you leave money on the bed at a hotel rather than elsewhere in the room that lets the staff know it is a tip. That is the EA Standard." according to Daryl Lee .
"I think you call a group of IT managers a gaggle, correct?" Curt Bruss "Ekta says it is really a brood." Ekta Marya
"You have to assume people are doing things the way they are, not always because they are lazy or stupid, but maybe because things are more complicated than you think." Darin Hawley,
"I made coffee for a guy with nine shots of espresso in it. I haven't seen him since." So says a barista, Ayla, to Darin Hawley and Michael Dockham at Jazzman's.
"We have some really old applications here, that seems to be part of Cargill's culture" - Kathy Peterson durring EA All Hands meeting
"You need to lower your requirements!" said to Michael Dockham from a vendor to Cargill evaluators during their demo when their solution was not meeting our expectations.
"Who told you your laptop needed more memory?" asks the Service Desk to Michael Dockham when experiencing slow performance.
"With a name like Reed Moore (read more), you're already qualified to be an Enterprise Architect." -Rogier Jacobs
"As Enterprise Architects, we are knowledge brokers" - Sherry Gabrielson
"If we need more cowbell, we can (a) upgrade AD to 2012, and (b) use add-on MS directory capabilities like LDS." - Bob Bassett
"Why do we need to think about the future?!" - benjamin abraha pondering the role of EA over a beer to Darin Hawley and Geoff Boileau
"I have access to your Universe!" - Robin Cotton when she was explaining to Michael Dockham challenges around accessing data within eInsight.
"All dreamers are not Einsteins" - Satish Bengeri, as the role of EA in innovation was being discussed with Joe Inserra
"Containment - thats what they try to do with you!," - Mike B. Smith referring to Rik Geerts during the Application Portfolio rationalization and lifecycle discussions.
"We need more bang and pow on this slide!," Kerri Athmann tells Michael Dockham and Landon Leischner
"Some of your best work, is your rework." - David Mundt to Cathy Medich in reference to EPDT deck revisions
"It's good. It tastes like Ovaltine. I love Ovaltine!" Geoff Boileau exclaims when Darin Hawley gives him a taste of the dried malt extract before pouring it in his beer recipe. Michael Dockham gets to share Geoff's fiinal-EA Colleauge-Quote. We're sure going to miss him being on our team!
"We are now consciously incompetent. At least we are not unconsciously incompetent." - Rogier Jacobs while discussing the new Application Portfolio Dashboard with the EPMs.
During a CIO leadership panel discussion in the EA Seminar, Joe Inserra said to Kim_Skanson@cargill.com, “I heard you say, Future State Architecture but now that you work at Cargill instead of Target you can now call them Target Architectures.”
While preparing for a conference call Michael Dockham asked, "You mean we can use the full Lync experience?" The group responded in unison with a resounding "yes!" Alison Frank responds with, "hmmm, I've never had the 'full Lync experience' before!"
As said during a TGRC assessment Steve Winsor says, "One gets the idea the stable door is wide open and horse long gone...whilst we are being asked to place a saddle on the missing animal and manage its future welfare..."
"Now I understand why Reykjavik is the suicide capital of the world after living in Duluth", so says a vendor during a conversation about traveling
"Random acts of mobility do not constitute a mobile strategy!" uttered by Edgar Dorn/General Mills at the 20 May 2015 EA Sharing Forum (a gathering of Cargill, General Mills, and Medtronic colleagues) where the topic was “Mobility Experiences”
"It seems easy... but we don't execute on 'easy'!" Michael Dockham pondering why Cargill's contracts with its teir 1 vendors are not incorporated into architecture planning
“You can throw the navigator out of the plane at any time – it won’t crash right away….” Geoff Boileau pondering the future after learning of the untimely demise of so many of his former colleagues in EA
Scott Beck Quotes
"Relationships catalyze growth"
"It's all about the aligned incentives..."
"Let's keep grinding at it..."
"Go where the energy already is..."
Richard Frasch Quotes
Unnecessarily unique
Identifying the appropriate use
Just in time knowledge
Know what we know
Function should not be pejorative
Value based solutions
All IT staff is ‘on the help desk’
Intelligence – gathering, interpreting and disseminating
View the customer as “family” – debate
Wait to be invited or invite yourself
I wouldn't want to burden you with low expectations
Legacy Quotes
Definitions
What is a Horizontal?
People that are supporting across multiple teams working in the various verticals. Such people are involved in Legal, Talent Management, etc...
What is a Vertical?
People working overtly in market at some stage of business development.
What is Learning - (noun)?
An individually digestible piece of content which is representative of an observable fact or valuable conclusion drawn from synthesis of many observable facts.
What is a Stage-Gate - (noun/verb)
Used to describe a framework in which there are static dates selected by the Chief Product Owner on which various "bets" are required to demonstrate reason to justify its existence, advancement, or reduction in its current stage.
Other Non-EA Quotes
Useful sayings attributed to people outside of Cargill (links welcome)...
"A manager is responsible for the application and performance of knowledge. Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done." Peter F. Drucker - this is one of my favorite reminders Michael Dockham
"Given enough eyeballs, all bugs are shallow" - Linus's Law
"The work will teach you how to do it" - Estonian proverb
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice." - Unknown
"Stick out of the bag" - Jost Hopperman, Forrester Research (used multiple times in "Global Enterprise Architecture" tele conference, yet we still don't know what it means.
"Just cause you have a picture, doesn't mean you have a model." - SYSCO, durring ICEX virtual session, business modeling for IT.
"99 little bugs in the code, 99 little bugs. Take one down, patch it around, 117 little bugs in the code."