Free.
That’s me.
but I used to wonder if i’m the only one who could fly
wonder if i didn’t save the date and had already died
i honestly couldn’t tell if i tried
i said “i don’t know” and i didn’t know if i lied.
should i let go of all the times that i cried?
and all the times that i stopped under your eye?
and all the times that i went and left it inside?
all of the tears that crystallized?
you always say that you see
but maybe you’re looking at yourself not me
i wonder if it’s all in my mind,
or all you really thinking constantly of me all the time?
i say you’re always too critical
but i guess that i’m hypocritical
because the only critic here is me.
i wonder why you care
you always seem to empty the air
where’s the oxygen?
it’s getting harder to breathe
at the top of a mountain
but it’s easy to see
how i’m
so intent
on reaching the peak
but fearing i’ll never reach what i seek
and fearing i’ll only find instead what i fear
wondering when i look what even is here
and everything
just seems so unclear
i don’t understand what and why i hold dear
i wish i could hold you close right now
i wish i could even say hello, but i don’t know how
if i’m trying to change, i better start now.
that’s the one thing i don’t know
why did i let fear take hold?
its stupid games are all getting old
let’s lock the door, shut it out in the cold.
stop it from spreading like mold.
and be free, don’t conform to its mold.
instead of me leaving myself like a running dry well,
where neither i nor you are any more well,
would you take a chance and wish me well?
and believe in me like a wishing well?
instead of just saying “oh no, oh well”
because as someone who knows myself well,
I’m well on my way --
and now I’m well.
i prayed i could be better.
now i pray that it would show.
and i will keep praying that one day you will know.
Savannah Lanyi writes for God, and for those reading. She hopes that she makes someone’s life even just a tad better with what she does. Savannah realizes the value of joy, and hope, and faith, and wants people to know that no matter the darkness there is always a light. She hopes to show that through both her life and art.
From the life I’m thankful to have, I give you memories, questions, and victories. Will you choose your own triumph?