Final Moments

By Anonymous

I should’ve known this day would come. I’ve willfully ignored it from that very first moment our eyes connected, not wanting to think of the heartbreak later to come. He was perfect and after only a few seconds, I knew he was the one. We’ve spent so much time together over the years. It’s gonna be so hard when he’s gone.

Wiping the tears away, I choked back a sob, my heart already beginning to break over losing him so soon. I had to stay strong for him, if nothing else. His large brown eyes looked up at me from his seated position on the floor, a large grin plastered on his face, blissfully unaware of what was to come. His eyes no longer had that spark they used to. Why did this have to happen to him? To us?! Everything had been fine until it wasn’t. We received the news earlier in the month. We had no more options to pursue. We had reached the end of our time together.

“You ready to go?” I asked him, choking back my tidal wave of tears, putting on a fake smile for him. It was always for him. Clamoring up from his spot on the floor, he grabbed his puppy from the floor and held it gently within his grasp. His plume of a tail wagged slightly behind him. He would always do this. Everytime I’d said those words, he’d frantically run to grab his puppy and meet me by the front door, excitement shining in his eyes at the thought of going in the car. “Phin, you can’t—,” I started before releasing a sigh, “Okay, Puppy. You can bring it with you this time.”

Hooking him up to his leash, he moved as fast as his old man self could carry him to the car, his puppy never leaving his mouth as he wagged his tail in excitement, throwing his head back at me to see if I was behind him as he used to always do. Opening the door for him, I helped him get into the back of the car before taking up the driver’s seat myself. Taking a shaky breath, I started the car and began the drive to the one place I dreaded going. I’m not ready to say goodbye. Not yet. It’s too soon!

The tears began to roll down my face as we drove along the traffic-filled roads. I thanked God for this delay, giving us just a little more time together before we got there. Furiously wiping the tears from my face, I glanced back at his furry self in the rearview mirror. A pained smile appeared on my face, quickly disappearing as I tried to prepare myself for the eventuality of not being able to see his little floofy self everyday. But before I knew it, we had reached our destination. Mindlessly, I turned the car off but right as I was about to open the door, I felt myself halt, not being able to open the door all of a sudden. I’m not ready! I can’t do this yet. It’s too soon! He can’t leave me yet. I don’t want to be without him! Sobs wracked my body as I tried convincing myself to get out of the car and bring him with me to the familiar building. I don’t want this to be our last adventure. We still have so many things to do! Turning around to my right, I saw his furry head poking between the front seats, looking up at me with those big brown cow eyes of his. Running my hands through his fur, I cupped the side of his head.

“You ready, Phin?” I asked him with a tremulous voice. Silence filled the air of the car as I put on a brave face. Okay. “Let’s go, bud.” Taking a deep breath, I got out of the car, bringing him with me. Stuffed animal in hand, we entered the building. The last place we would ever be together again. “Phineas is here,” I managed to croak out to the person at the front desk.

“The doctor will be out shortly,” they replied, sending us to take a seat off to the side. Stroking the top of his head, his furry little body sat next to me, his puppy still dangling from his mouth. Do you know what’s going to happen, Phinny? If you do, how are you okay with this? Looking at you makes it harder knowing what’s about to happen. I wish we had more time together, Phinny. I love you so much. Looking up at me, his eyes were filled with love and adoration.

“I love you, too, Phinny,” I said to him, scratching behind his ears.

“Phineas?” a voice rang out, making me stiff with fear. No, not yet. Please. Not yet. Standing up shakily, I led him towards the doctor, every step I took more painful than the last. The doctor led us back to the room and got him all comfortable, taking off his collar and leash. His puppy was still in his mouth as his tail flopped weakly on the ground. His head rested in my lap, his dark eyes looking up at me in reassurance. It’s okay, they said. You can let me go now. It’ll be okay. My hand kept running down the length of his body, stroking him gently to make sure he knew I was here for him. Always.

Reassuring words of love for him left my lips as I petted him, telling him how much of a good boy he was and how much I loved him. I wanted to make sure he felt loved when he finally moved on. But see enough, the light faded from his eyes and his limbs slumped just a little closer to the ground. He was gone. Gripping his fur tighter in my hands, sobs wracked my body as I pulled him into my body, not ready to let him go. Our time together ended before it felt like it had even begun. There was so much more to life that we never got to experience together. Now the only thing I had left of him were the memories of our time together and his belongings back home. At least you’re no longer in pain, Phin. I love you so much. So, so much. Giving him a kiss on his head, I gave him one last hug before I begrudgingly took his puppy from him as they placed a blanket over him, tears streaming from my red, puffy eyes. Clutching his puppy and collar tightly to my chest, I managed to get myself up and over towards the door. Taking one last look at the covered body of my sleeping poof, I said my final farewells. Phinny, thank you for loving me unconditionally and letting me love you even more than I thought possible in return. You will always, and forever be, my bestest boy in the whole wide world. Goodbye, Phinny.