By Marvin Nguyen
Greetings traveler. My name is Embargo, and welcome to Absurdity Lane, home to the strange and out of place. Before we enter, allow me to set a few base rules first, for your safety, of course. After all, it is a sight to behold, not a sight to be struck by.
First thing’s first: to stroll through Absurdity Lane is a limbo in which to test yourself and see if the mind can withstand the influence of its leaves. Great trees form a gate that one must cut down with nothing but a sharp wind and the powder of a worn key. Anything else would simply rust the roots and cause a mighty whipping, often in the rear, by an invisible hand. If you have prepared everything, getting it is easy, it's leaving that you might find a bit tricky, but more on that later.
Once in, however, one would see such odd and peculiar things. Although I always encourage visitors to view to their heart’s content, some creatures may find you repulsive, or vice versa. Try not to take offense, they’ve never seen people before.
The final and most important rule: stay safe and have fun! This is a tourist attraction after all. Let's enter shall we?
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Following Embargo, I observe the thickness of the forest and the density of the wildlife. How exciting! Such lack of tamness in nature refreshes the nerves quite nicely. Looking to my right, I spot a deer, its face turned away, its wood legs like spokes in the ground. A crack, perhaps a stick being shattered by alien weight. The deer turns to face me and I observe its face. I blink. It blinks back, about twelve and a half times of course, one per eye. Ah, but this implies the existence of half of an eye. What is even considered half of an eye, but there it was, right in front of my own pair of oculi. It reared on its hind legs and opened its mouth, smiling with silver teeth, its display panel of eyes locked onto my soul. It whispered. The one who knocks and coos lies barren beneath the sand on the far side of the river. Then it ran, scurrying off in the fashion of a man, on two legs rather than four. Perhaps the strange deer was one of the shy creatures. I find my tour guide, a bit ahead, and jog to catch up to him.
I tell Embargo of my odd find. Ah, he said, scratching his chin, a grin playing on his mouth. Yes, I have seen him around before, quite a rare sight indeed, for him to be out in the open at this time. It would seem you are quite the lucky guest. But there are far stranger things in this place that might peak your interest. Come, I shall show you.
I follow Embargo a tad further before he dove into a bush, his hand reappearing, beckoning me inside. I enter and he gestures to the scene just ahead.
A jaguar, or perhaps a leopard of some sort, was crouched and near to pouncing on an oblivious sloth laughing at the joke he just told himself. We sat in anticipation. Finally, the cat pounced, scaring the sloth’s hide in its maw. Suddenly, the sloth, realizing his peril, ejected his face from his body, like an eyeball popping out from its socket, a furry, snake-like body following its furry head. It sprung high and coiled itself around a branch, smiling a cheeky smile at its attacker, before slithering away. The predator shrugged, and tore apart the remaining body of the sloth and plucked out a strange object from within it. He plopped it in his bloody jaws, sighed in relief, then fell asleep.
Ah, the Slothstone Bird, a unique species, it hunts the little buggers for the naturally forming wax ball in its hide and chews on it to relieve their toothaches. Now, let's back up slowly, before he tries to find our wax in our not-so-sloth bodies.
After some more adventuring and viewing even weirder animals, such as the Justin Beaver (a beaver but with blonde hair who could sing luring siren songs), an actual babbling brook, a frog that looked like a bloody toe, and cotton candy buttertouchers(basically butter but they touch you with their little grippers). Embargo announced the hour, and I realized the tour was over. He wished me a safe journey, before performing a strange ritual. A mix of clapping, snapping, whistling, and saying every word that rhymes with wumbo and jumbo, as if acting in a play featuring five characters, all played by himself. Finally, he froze, pivoted to face me, and said his final goodbyes.
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Dearest guest and humble traveler, I thank you for accompanying me today on Absurdity Lane. This is your tour guide Eugene, signing off.
With a final click of his tongue and a quick tap dance, he shimmered away with the rest of the world, and I found myself on a plain grass field, empty and alive.
Marvin Nguyen is a senior whose passion for writing was awoken in 5th grade. His likes to play video games, work out, and sleep in on the weekends. He plans on majoring in Physical Therapy when he goes to college. "Absurdity Lane" is about the narrator getting a mini-tour of a mysterious place where strange and unique creatures roam. Some of them are dangerous, some of them are safe, all are absurd.