Unclean Record
The silence in the room was deafening. I wasn’t in cuffs yet, but I might as well have been. I’ve still never been able to figure out why I let them take me away. I’d always thought that if I’d ever been caught in the act, I’d use any means necessary to free myself; pleading, bargaining, threatening, even violence. Instead, I stood there like a goddamn dimwit while they took me away and threw me in this cold, gray cell of a room, where I’d been stewing in my own guilt for god knows how long. In the movies they always show criminals being ruthless and hardened beyond emotion, yet here I was, scared absolutely shitless. I chuckled to myself. If only mom could see me now. I flinched as the door was thrown open with a bang, and a middle-aged woman stepped into the room. She strode over to the table I was seated at with an aura of absolute authority. I’ll admit that I’m not the tallest guy, but I swear to god she must’ve been six-foot-four. Or maybe that was my nerves. She was dressed in a white blouse and a green cardigan, civilian attire, but I could see her blue and yellow badge swing as she sat down across from me. She put down the few papers she was carrying and looked over them for a brief moment before she looked at me.
“Anthony?” she said, giving me a once-over. She looked unimpressed.
“That’s me,” I said with my most charming grin. The small gap in between my two front teeth was a notorious ladykiller.
“Mhm..”
“And you are…” I looked over the table at her badge, “Emily.”
“You may call me Mrs. Gutierrez,” she said coldly.
Shit. She was married. And a bitch. My natural charm had failed me, and I grasped for another angle. But before I could speak again, another woman came through the door. She was immediately less imposing than her cohort, and she smiled at me as she walked over to our table. I looked over at her badge. Jennifer Bailey. I snorted.
“Look, I appreciate the little good-cop bad-cop routine ya got goin’ on here, but it’s a little childish, wouldn’t you agree?”
They exchanged a look before Jennifer piped up.
“Anthony… we just want a better understanding of what happened.”
She spoke slowly, like she thought I would explode at any moment. To be fair, with the stuff that I’d just done, I would be afraid of me too.
“I already told your little friend everything. That’s it.”
On my way down to the room, I’d been questioned by the schnook who’d found me at the scene of the crime. I had indeed told him everything, but I wouldn’t doubt it if he didn’t remember. Shell shock can do some crazy shit to your mind. Poor sap.
“Well then this should be easy,” Emily stated, “walk us through what happened.”
I took a deep breath.
“Ok, but you ain’t gonna like it.”
I began telling them how I was meeting my buddy Mikey for a deal. We’d had this going on for months now, and it had gone seamlessly.
“And this was after you left Mr. Myers’ classroom? Did you have a hall pass?”
Ugh. Hearing that jackass’s name made me want to hurl. The way he talked, the way he moved, every little thing about that guy pissed me off. But I wasn’t stupid.
“Of course I had a hall pass. In fact,” I pulled the little wad of paper out of my pocket, “it’s right here.”
I watched as Jennifer read it over. Name: Anthony Scutari Grade: 3 Time Out: 12:57 pm
“And so,” Emily continued “what happened then?”
I reluctantly continued my explanation.
“Mikey and me, we got into a bit of a disagreement. You see Mikey wanted the green dinosaur silly band, but that’s premium merchandise. You gotta be willing to pay the big bucks, upwards of five dollars for one of those. I suggested perhaps he go for something else, like the red spiderman band, but boy did that set him off. He started acting all tough and tryin’ to grab the dinosaur, but I wasn’t gonna just let him walk all over me. So I threw it in the toilet… and I…”
I began to tear up. I felt completely disgusted by myself. What kind of monster would do this? I glanced at Jennifer, and she gave me a reassuring smile.
“Well I- uh- I flushed it. And I was happy about it.” I spat out the word happy with venom.
“And then the water started, well, it started comin’ back up. So I panicked and tried to haul ass out of there, but the water tripped me up. And I, uh, fell. I’m still not sure exactly how long I was out, but next thing I know Mikey is nowhere to be found and your buddy is takin’ me over here.”
I scratched the back of my head as I tried to recollect myself, and still felt a faint bit of moisture. I looked over at Emily and Jennifer to gauge their reactions. If I was lucky I would only get a couple of years, but based on their expressions I was in for something much worse. A silent tear rolled down Emily’s cheek and she shook with what I could only assume to be utter shock.
“O-ok Anthony,” Emily started, but could barely speak. She covered her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut while her entire body quaked. I went to scratch my head again, but I heard a wet squelch. My hand gripped a mushy ball, which, when pulled from my scalp, is revealed to be a massive ball of toilet paper. No wonder she was so distraught when damning evidence of a heinous crime was this close to her.
“I think what Mrs. Gutierrez is trying to say,” said Jennifer, who was slightly more composed, “is that you should go to the nurse’s office to wash up, and then get back to class.”
My mouth hung open. This couldn’t be.
“So… I’m… free to go? Just like that?”
“Oh, um, yes,” Jennifer said, while silently pulling out her phone to take a picture of me. For a courtroom if there were any lawsuits in the future, I supposed. But she didn’t need to tell me twice. I walked out of that room an innocent man, the stench of guilt no longer hanging over me, although there was an entirely different stench to be dealt with.