My head is consumed by the words I never said
What happened to the days where I didn’t give a shit
The crimson red lines now scatter my body
I can’t step on a scale without sobbing
My body used to be my temple and I loved filling it to my heart's content
I loved the days where I would knock on my neighbors door
Asking if their kids could come out and play
My new temple is my bedroom, I lock myself in there all day
As a kid I ran free barefoot, loving the way the ground felt beneath me
As I’ve grown up, I’ve recessed
I didn’t know what racism was
I thought my culture was beautiful
The best drink in my mind was apple juice
That was slowly replaced by the bitter taste of alcohol
Weed was the thing I helped my parents pull from the yard
Now it’s the substance every teen is hooked on
The only times my eyes were red
Was when shampoo dripped down into them
Yet somehow every time I look into a mirror now
I pray to every god I can think of that they’ll depuff
What happened to the days where I didn’t look for a way of self harm when things got bad?
What happened to the days where I didn’t need medication to feel?
What happened to the days where I fucking loved living?
Now I know
It’s cause I grew up.
Susie Alcorn is a part of the class of 2022. She has the hopes of becoming a film director and began writing screenplays at the age of 12. Other interests include making art and listening to music.
On this poem: "Growing up is an impending fate that terrifies me. Capturing every moment of my childhood in any essence is something I will always continue to do."