We’ve all heard the great debate of when Christmas Time officially starts. Let’s be real for a second - the problem really isn’t Christmas, it’s Thanksgiving. Being with friends and family surrounded by lights and vibrant warm shades of red and green that we wish would last forever. So why can’t it?
Let’s face it, Thanksgiving is a totally pointless holiday that has no right to exist. Who really cares about Thanksgiving? The Senior Center? Get woke. Christmas is the holliest, jolliest holiday around. Why take an entire month to gear up for a holiday full of turkey murder and smoke detectors going off because Aunt Cindy doesn’t know how to cook potatoes?
So why don’t we replace that time with something that could truly make our hearts glow? We should start celebrating the Christmas season on October 31st, after getting back from Halloween festivities. Say goodbye to Rocky Horror and hello to Buddy the Elf! And just as Christmas should start the second Halloween ends, you should take down all Christmas decorations on Christmas day after sundown.
In addition, who would trust Olive? Remember the article Olive wrote last year about how M&M’s were gross? Yeah, sarcasm. It’s hard to sense, but who would use sarcasm other than a green haired traitor who’s obviously not serious about what she’s writing? Olive has no right to comment so controversially on a topic she’s sarcastic about. Christmas starts on October 31st,
(Olive's birthday is October 31st Happy Birthday Olive!)
It’s funny that Keira would choose to point out my sarcasm, since her own sarcasm is all she has to mask her lack of personality. Keira’s lies and stupidity are almost not worth dignifying with a response, but I am feeling charitable. Call it Christmas Spirit.
Now let’s get deep and talk about one of the most debated questions that lies in society: When does Christmas start? You know Keira’s thought on this- also known as the wrong one- but my thought is December 13th and here’s why. Let’s go back into history when someone wanted to make the national bird the turkey. The poor turkey ran in second place against an eagle, which is just flat out wrong. Therefore we need to give the turkey the time it deserves.
Christmas should start on the 13th. The reason is simple: that’s Keira Beck’s birthday. She really doesn’t deserve this gift, although if we don’t give it to her sooner rather than later, then she won’t stop whining about it. In some ways, she is a small person.
But let’s not give Keira all the satisfaction and get to the real point: I truly believe that the end of Christmas should be the day before Easter. Nothing of significance happens before then, and who could get sick of listening to a man who only knows one word, but says it three times: “ho ho ho.”
We need to give the turkeys the needed time, and I would love to extend the period, although we want keira to stop gobbling like one, therefore Christmas officially starts on December 13th and goes for four months. Happy Birthday, Keira!