Vulture Mascot

By NICHOLAS GODEK April 1, 2021

In a shock decision, Ms Dubak has unanimously decided that the school mascot will be changed effective immediately. The traditional tiger emblems and logos will be removed and be replaced with an entirely new mascot: the Vulture. Inspired by the regular sight of vultures on the school roof, Ms Dubak decided to ignore the protestations of the community and take drastic action. Ms Dubak, when asked about this new change, said “The Vulture is a better mascot for us because it is an animal we constantly see around the school, there hasn’t been a tiger sighting in Croton for 50 or so years." As there seems to be a surplus of Vultures on the roof of our school, and they haven't left.

I had the opportunity to talk to Ms. Dubak about her decision to adopt the Vulture as our new mascot. Ms. Dubak explained: “Tigers are just about extinct. Vultures are everywhere. You tell me who's the real winner.” She paced around her office with frantic energy, gesturing wildly. “We will send a message to our rival schools,” she exclaimed, "we are ready to feast on their carcasses and pick through their bones!" She went on to deride tigers as “cute” and “for widdle kids,” contrasting them with the “awesome intimidation” of a disease-riddled carcass bird with a 5 foot wingspan flapping in your face! Vultures!

Additionally, several other Westchester schools feature tigers or other big cats as their mascots, whereas no other schools have adopted the vulture. Vultures offer an opportunity for new designs, athletic apparel, spiritwear, and maybe even franchising when other schools begin to realize the tremendous visual appeal of the vulture. Ms Dubak wondered aloud:”Imagine how cool CHHS Vulture Spiritwear would look!  #VulturePride!" It is worth mentioning that Ms Dubak wore an outfit that is best described an evening gown with enormous vulture wings attached for the duration of the interview. She declined to comment on her choice of dress.